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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Salty-Village299 on 2023-07-22 16:06:26.
I (f19) have two nieces, Kayla (f11) and Violet (f5).
Kayla is the daughter of my brother (m29).
Violet is the daughter of my sister, Emma (f27).
Yesterday, I took Kayla to see the new Barbie movie as a treat for her 11th birthday, which was actually a few days ago and I planned it with my brother.
A few days ago, Emma found out about these plans and asked if I’d take Violet as well, because she loves Barbie. I said that she and Violet are welcome to tag along and she said no, she’s not coming, only Violet. I gently said no because respectfully I want to relax on my day off work and enjoy the movie and I don’t feel like watching Violet. Not only is she younger and less independent but she’s autistic and can be quite a handful (I didn’t say this to Emma but she knows). I could see Emma was getting annoyed and she said I’d only be watching Violet during the movie and its only such a small ask. I told her no and that’s that. She said I’m excluding Violet for no reason and that I’m playing favorites, and I don’t have to deal with Violet being sad that she can’t go see the movie with us, but said I obviously don’t care because I’m so selfish.
This upset me a lot and I told Emma to just drop it but she won’t, and says that I never offer to babysit Violet but don’t have an issue taking Kayla to activities.
My brother got involved and he said to Emma if she wants me to spend time with Violet so bad she can bring her own daughter to the movies with us and pay for their own tickets. This all snowballed into a massive family rift as my parents got involved too and said that Emma has every right to be upset and I should just bring Violet and that it would make Violet really happy.
I ended up only taking Kayla and she had a blast but this situation has gotten me feeling so crap and I just need to know if I really was right or wrong.