The world of Linuxia beckons you! Your annoying guide flexes their gear the moment you spawn
Gentoo USB (Rare):
=> USE flags: Can rebuild itself
with or without the other
three attributes
=> March native: Increases attack
speed by 1% or -1%
=> Slot: Can use two versions of any
attribute at the same time
=> PGO: The USB memorizes when you
attack to increase speed, trading
off for lower speed elsewhen.
Requires two rebuilds.
Charm of systemd (common):
=> nspawn: Can build with deeper focus
=> Wisdom tax: The wise are less
likely to feel neutral toward you
(+2 or -2 charisma)
=> Chant of systemd: By chanting
'systemd-analyze calendar "Fri *-*-13"',
the caster instantly knows when
the next Friday the 13th is.
Let’s have some fun! Spells, items, and dungeons oh my!
Bazzite region of Linuxia
As you stumble upon the neon-lit realm of the gaming regions of Linuxia, an NPC tosses you a gleaming ISO volume of wisdom.
Bootable Amulet of Bazzite (Rare) => Frame Surge: Boosts performance by 15% of all inventory in the Wayland dimension. => Steam Incantation: Casts “Protonic assimilation” for all loot in unexplored dungeons (+2 compatibility). => Artifact of Immutability: Auto-repairs equipment after a dungeon raid. => Weakness - Package Curse: Outside the gaming regions, productivity wanes (-2 chances of legendary packages when opening chests).
Spell: Vulkan Forge (Uncommon) => Instantly summons Vulkan-powered rendering. => Can crit for +20 FPS, but may randomly glitch on older drivers (-1 stability).
Dungeon: Library of Protonic Lore => Encounter: Boss-level incompatible game. => Loot: XP towards seamless gaming or… disappointment (roll d20).
Will you flash, or roll a crash?
Vulkan Forge is such a name, I’m surprised no software has taken it
btw u gotta add double spaces after line skips to make it a real line skip
This is a linux terminal tutorial, but in the style of a text based rpg.
Custom kernel (Accessory, rare):
- Must be crafted by the owner and cannot be sold, given away, or otherwise transferred. Sometimes explodes during the crafting process, causing unconsciousness and 2d6 damage.
- 10% attack and defense bonuses to weapons and armour that were equipped at the time of crafting, but -10% on new weapons and armour.
- Lightness grants +10 speed.
Curse of NixOS
Immutable Distro - When making a roll, if the previous roll did not use this feature, you may use the dice value of the last roll you made.
Highly Configurable - You can swap one piece of equipment per turn as a free action.
Flake or Vanilla? - You must succeed on a DC 20 WIS save once every hour or be compelled to spend that hour respeccing your equipment loadout and retraining your skills, in an attempt to achieve the elusive state known as “best practice”.
Guess I’ll be chaotic evil and chase worst practices instead /ᐠ >ヮ<マ
I buy a new house. Everything looks great, I move in, go to bed. The next morning my hot water doesn’t work. The house’s documentation doesn’t cover this, so I go online. When I ask for help on forums people tell me to RTFM and call it a skill issue. I end up finding 500 different ways of fixing the hot water, filter through the 499 that don’t apply to my particular build. When I’m done the cold water doesn’t work either. I decide I’ll fix it later and head to the front door to go to work. It won’t open. Something I did trying to fix the water broke it somehow. I give up and just use the windows instead.
You may try immutable OS like NixOS. Modern-day kernel has way better hardware support than earlier days.
It absolutely does, compared to 2001ish when I first started playing around with Linux. But I had issues like this on Debian, earlier this year, on a Dell of all things which should use the most basic bone-stock drivers you can find. Draugr wouldn’t even boot after install on that machine.
Wait, is this within unix surrealism universe?
Anyways, my trusty usb cable wired to a 9" nail in my forehead can interact and even fix most drivers.
Didn’t know this existed at all. What a unique artstyle. Thanks lobotomy driver usb person
Tomb “Wiki of Arch” (common):
- “Just read the wiki”: By reading the wiki you gain +2 wisdom
- “everything you need to know is in the wiki”: Merchants increase the price of armour if you misread the wiki
- “Installation Guide”: Gain 5 speed, reduce your weapon slots to 1, increase armour by 1
Price of armor x ﹏ x
Maybe another stat, if I may join you –
=> Brand o' The Wiki: After 100 hours in the wiki, every hundred words uttered must either include RTFM or the acronym of this debuff. Wears off when near natural vegetation
The blessing of selhosting
Your pursuit for digital soverignity has come to an end- Server maintenance: lose one bonus action per round
- Media server of pirated movies: gain one random spell roll at the start of your turn when in combat
- Tales of docker: Frighten a creature for 2 rounds, but lose 1 Charisma for 10 rounds
- Tailscale: spend an action point to access your camp chest from anywhere
I have
[] Debian Armorand aGNOMEas my companion. I often equip theTor Browser Cloak of Invisibility. If slain, I will drop aLocked KeePassXC Database Chest. After completing the missionRevive bricked Linux system, I was awarded with the[] Ego Potion. When drunk, it boosts all stats temporarily during a battle.Sorry to be pedantic, but if you can revive it then it wasn’t really bricked. Depending on how bad it was it was still worth the [Rare] ego item 🧑🌾
The questmakers haven’t updated the quest descriptions in a while. I’m waiting for the next update when they port the Whonix ISO kit.
-
Food item: Nix Flakes (rare)
-
+10 health per flake
-
+ Contains a large amount of packages when combined with Nixpkgs (uncommon)
-
+ Reproducible: farm it yourself!
-
- Each flake takes between 5 seconds and 2 hours to compile and take effect
-
- Requires good internet connection
-
- Significantly slows down NixOS dotfile spells.
-
-
Weapon: Neovim Lua Gun (uncommon)
-
+144 damage
-
+ Rewrite config files
-
- Can only activate weapon once. Afterwards, you’re stuck using it forever.
-
- Requires XP level 1337 to be used efficiently
-
-
Weapon: NixOS USB (uncommon)
-
+ Makes computer unusable for any sane person
-
+ Reproducible: install any system you want and then replace it with another one for fun
-
- Most people in Linuxia are not sane so this weapon is rarely effective
-
-
Spell: NixOS dotfiles (rare)
-
rm -rf ./.git: self-destruct: deals +infinity damage to the user, +169 damage to nearby enemies. -
cat flake.nix: Ejects what is effectively a zip bomb. Cannot be used twice against the same enemy. Deals +196 damage to nearby enemies. -
nixos-rebuild ...: Refreshes stamina, +5 health to the user. If used incorrectly, will cause a random negative effect, but never fatal. Requires waiting for 15 seconds, unless Nix Flakes were recently used, then it requires at least 2 hours of waiting.
-
-
Armor: SDDM (common)
-
+40 charisma
-
+20 defense
-
+10 health
-
- Buggy sometimes
-
-
Accessory: Waybar Crown (uncommon)
-
+120 charisma
-
+5 health
-
+ People will ask you for your dotfiles
-
Edit: fixed formatting
Edit 2: slightly cooler names and abilities
Your bullet formatting is disarrayed btw ( ˶°ㅁ°) !!
I’d imagine these options being unlock-only. You have to travel between multiple wiki dungeons and blog towns to evolve your item c;
(Now I want nix flake cornflakes)
Now the formatting is fixed
-
Common Debian Swirl
Adds stability buff but forces user to wait 4 turns before enhancing any item, weapon or spell.
You need the Flatpak buff. It allows you to avoid the 4 turn wait time.
But it reduces your initiative by 4 in the first combat round, and doubles the weight of all enhanced items.Doesn’t work well with my play style, and some of those Flatpak expansion sets are officially licensed.
As consumable ice cream, of course 𖦹°‧🍨🍦🍧🍨𖦹°‧
I might be displaying my ignorance of TTRPG systems, my Linux distro and my window manager, but here we go!
Arch Linux [uncommon armor]manual installation process— +2 WISArch Wiki— +2 on arcana checksAUR— +1 DEXsystem update— after every long rest, roll a d20. on a nat 1, you have disadvantage on dexterity saving throws until the next long rest.I use Arch btw— +2 on persuasion checks against people who use this same armor
Customized Hyprland [rare armor, attunement]- attunement prerequisite: once every long rest, roll arcana with DC 25. must succeed thrice
unlimited customization— when attuned, +2 CHAperpetually under construction— regardless of attunement, -1 DEX
Customized Neovim [rare weapon, attunement]- attunement prerequisite: once every long rest, roll arcana with DC 25. must succeed thrice
unlimited customization— when attuned, +2 to attack rollslearning cliff— disadvantage to attack rolls when not attuned to this weaponI use (neo)vi(m)— regardless of attunement, +2 on persuasion checks against people who use a similar weapon to this one (DM discretion)
Ventoy USB [uncommon accessory]various installation media— +1 CON
EDIT: formatting
I recommend BTRFS for the CON bonus.
Don’t worry, I’m kind of ignorant on it too! But it’s fun :)
Bowl of Rice (uncommon, consumable) => Funroll loop: When eaten, options apply for ten turns => Config hell: User is a survivor of config hell. -2 dexterity and +1 int until the next rest. Attunement-based items increase stat options by +1 each in exchange for -2 CON each. => Screenshot: +1 CHA when a photograph is taken => Form over function: User is drawn to rainbow pastel. -2 on WIS checksThat loop of config hell is real! It has subsided recently because I got enticed into writing my own widgets. Also, yes to rainbow pastel (tho I’m using gruvbox as a base/reference color theme).
Quest: Kali Bandits
The Kali have been terrorizing villages across Linuxia. I beg you, young traveler, help us fight them off. I’ll reward you with riches beyond compare!
Objective: Protect the village from the Kali bandits.
Reward: +500 gold
Our party peers over the gate and sees…
Kali Bandit (Level 3)
A script kiddie. Lots spawn at once.
STR: 3 (+7 during practice combat)
DEX: 3
CON: 5 (-4 when angry)
INT: 4
WIS: 1
CHA: 1Kali Mercenary (Level 9)
Uses Kali for work. Well-balanced, but weakened because the company hasn’t had a security incident anyway.
STR: 8 (+15 when fighting Kali Bandit)
DEX: 9
CON: 10 (-2 when teammate gets phished)
INT: 12
WIS: 12
CHA: 8 (-2 when dealing with the one paying for them)17 year old with Amazon fire stick (Level 12)
The judge prohibited them from touching computers.
STR: 7 (+3 if he gets SSH running…)
DEX: 8
CON: 12 (+1 from the big house)
INT: 16
WIS: 7
CHA: 9 (-2 when dealing with Nvidia)
Blue fedora (uncommon)
- +10 armor
- +5 speed
Wand of btrfs (epic)
- snapshot: saves your current inventory
- restore (passive): on death restotes your inventory to a state saved by the snapshot spell
Ring of gnomes (common)
- summons up to 3 gnomes when health is below 10%
For some reason, I cannot
git ye shell. All my attempts tobashmy way through anything fail miserably as well.This weird
Grub on a bootkeeps showing up and blocking my path.Fuck this game >:(
