You’ve read the rest of the posts about Drinky Pete’s Goodtime Funchat, now read the best!

In the normal world of 65 days ago, this would have led to multiple resignations in shame. If it were any other employees of the government, they would be looking at an FBI investigation, and possibly prison. But in this hellscape, Kash Patel is more concerned about a hippie holding a “swasticar” sign in front of a Tesla dealership, and Republicans are stumbling all over themselves to say it’s not a big deal, just a little oops! Like when a waiter tells you to enjoy your meal and you reply “you too.”

. . .We should say again, these are ALL people who should have never been texting anything but a grocery list on fucking Signal to begin with; the app is known to have been breached by Russian and Belarusian hackers, and the phones themselves could be hacked or intercepted. Also, it’s against federal records law. AND fucking WAR PLAN conversations should have been in a secure facility! For security! These rules exist for a reason! All things that every single person on that list ought to know. And they are ALL people who should have been like hey, wait a minute, who’s even in this Signal chat? Maybe hiring unqualified loyalist dipshits who don’t know what the fuck they’re doing and have little to no experience at their jobs was a bad idea?

And OH LOOK, Steve Witkoff was on there too, texting the most emojis of all, five in a row (two hands-praying, a flexed bicep, and two American flags)! And guess where Steve Witkoff happened to be on Thursday, March 13? Why, in RUSSIA, getting choked up while Putin told him he’d prayed in church for Trump after he got shot in the ear. If every single emoji ever typed on Witkoff’s phone wasn’t captured by the time he got back on his plane with tears in his eyes, Russia is seriously slipping.

Ha ha! It’s really bad! 😭