I’ve heard good things about Miami, but Florida is cursed for me. I’ve lived there a few times and it always goes poorly for me. Like really bad.
The first time I lived in Florida my mom died. I was 7. The last time I lived in Florida my first wife made me go to a going away party for one of her coworkers at a bar. When we got there the coworker was too drunk, and as luck would have it underage. She was passed out in the women’s bathroom. I went in and scooped her up put her in my car. Drove her home and tucked her in, and got back in my car.
That’s when I realized that something smelled bad in my car. See that chick was wearing a miniskirt. My wife told me that when she had passed out she was taking a shit and forgot to pull her panties down. I turned on the dome light to see poop in my backseat and a spot on my knee where I had boosted her up into my arms. The chick did detail my car and make fresh chocolate chip cookies for us. I didn’t eat them.
That was just one of the many heinous things that happened while I was there last time. Like, I love adventure, and have tons of stories. But, Florida gets exhausting, even for me.
Sucks to hear about your mom, but the second one you brought upon yourself 😄 The Florida Man stories definitely exist for a reason. I’m at least in the upscale area of Miami (across the Miami River from Downtown Miami) and haven’t seen any literal or figurative shit shows in the month I’ve been there. Someone did rob a place at gunpoint though two nights ago about two blocks from me.
Haha yeah I’ve heard people say “The more north you go the more southern it gets”, a lot of people I meet in Miami are transplants from NYC and other places.
I’ve heard good things about Miami, but Florida is cursed for me. I’ve lived there a few times and it always goes poorly for me. Like really bad.
The first time I lived in Florida my mom died. I was 7. The last time I lived in Florida my first wife made me go to a going away party for one of her coworkers at a bar. When we got there the coworker was too drunk, and as luck would have it underage. She was passed out in the women’s bathroom. I went in and scooped her up put her in my car. Drove her home and tucked her in, and got back in my car.
That’s when I realized that something smelled bad in my car. See that chick was wearing a miniskirt. My wife told me that when she had passed out she was taking a shit and forgot to pull her panties down. I turned on the dome light to see poop in my backseat and a spot on my knee where I had boosted her up into my arms. The chick did detail my car and make fresh chocolate chip cookies for us. I didn’t eat them.
That was just one of the many heinous things that happened while I was there last time. Like, I love adventure, and have tons of stories. But, Florida gets exhausting, even for me.
Sucks to hear about your mom, but the second one you brought upon yourself 😄 The Florida Man stories definitely exist for a reason. I’m at least in the upscale area of Miami (across the Miami River from Downtown Miami) and haven’t seen any literal or figurative shit shows in the month I’ve been there. Someone did rob a place at gunpoint though two nights ago about two blocks from me.
Heh, It’s true Florida man and woman do exist. Plus, these were panhandle Florida people. Which I also think it makes it worse.
Well, anyway I hope you have a great thanksgiving.
Haha yeah I’ve heard people say “The more north you go the more southern it gets”, a lot of people I meet in Miami are transplants from NYC and other places.
Happy Turkey Day to you too!