Someone recently told me that they sometimes feel gaslighted around me because I effortlessly make them question their beliefs and feelings. Hearing that didn’t sit well with me, especially since I’ve been pondering the question in the title for quite some time.
I’ve always been quite critical of myself and don’t consider myself a very nice person. When I discover that someone doesn’t enjoy being around me, I don’t blame them one bit. It’s not like I’m intentionally mean or abusive; quite the opposite, actually. I have very strong morals. However, this includes things like not lying, which means I always speak the truth, even if not everyone likes hearing it. I don’t conform to many social norms expected of me.
Despite all of this, I have deep relationships with several people and especially the elderly and for example the parents of my past girlfriends have all liked me a lot. But I can’t help but wonder why they don’t see me as I see myself. I worry that I’m hiding the true me so well that people don’t actually like me, but rather the facade I unknowingly maintain. Then again, a true psychopath probably wouldn’t be second-guessing themselves in this manner.
With a name like Thorny_Insight, I imagine you’ve already accepted and internalized the possibility that your internally critical mindset is equally external. This doesn’t make you evil, it doesn’t make you awful to be around, it just means that you have embraced the personality that you currently question, even if it isn’t who you truly are.
The world is becoming a very different place and the personality you have is one which is constantly questioned by people that think what is good is conformity and acceptance of anything and everything. There is no reason you need to conform or accept everything at face value.