I’ve realized that I’m very mentally weak and it’s impacting my success.
I suspect I have ADHD and whenever I get an urge to distract myself, I rarely manage to resist it.
I think what I am missing is the residtance to discomfort that eg. allows sports people to carry on going even when their muscles are telling them to stop. Or the thing that allows people to defy themselves and step into an ice-cold shower.
Unfortunately I am not a person who enjoys sports and a cold shower is only something that makes sense once a day. Can you think of any exercises that I can do here and now in my room, and practice routinely that will strengthen my willpower so that I can better resist my urges in the future?
Just a headsup - don’t focus too much on meds, it won’t really help that much if you’re also lacking willpower.
I have the same problem as you, but have started meds about half a year ago. It helps a little bit, but also made me realize that whenever I’m stressed or have to do something I’m uncertain of, the problems are back.
I thought it’s anxiety that’s stopping me, because right now I have to finish my thesis to hand in in a week, and I’ve been sitting home and staring at the screen unable to work, progressing at a snails pace for two weeks already, to the point I will not be able to make it.
Due to that, I’ve gotten a short term medication for anxiety, because I thought that’s what’s stopping me and I can’t get over it.
It didn’t help, and while I wasn’t feeling that awful, I still didn’t manage to force myself to work more, and even though I would’ve comfortably made it, I progressed so slow that now I probably won’t. But it made me realize that the problem wasn’t anxiety, but willpower, and that the focus on it was just an excuse to justify postponing work.
I’m not saying that meds will not help you, but make sure you don’t fall to the same trap as I did - I used waiting them as an excuse for too long, that I’ve learned to just be OK with procrastinating. And when I finally got them, it didn’t help much , because I never tried building the willpower and have gotten too used to the excuses that even when the “need to wait for meds, nothing I can do” excuse wasn’t true, I was still turning to procrastination by habit. Or you’ll just think “meds aren’t helping, I need stronger”.
If you start forcing yourself, even if at slow pace, to not be OK with procrastination, then the meds will be a miracle that will suddenly make it so you don’t have to struggle so much anymore. If you on the other hand learn to give up trying and accept the excuse that you need the meds and there’s no point, and that it will be easier once you have them - my experience is that it won’t, because then getting rid of the internalization of excuses only made it as hardy, or even harder, than it was without them.