Would you say that sexuality and romantic preferences are more connected for you specifically, or are there still differences?

They’re connected, and it’s all kinda a blurred mess? It even bleeds into my platonic relationships. Not like “I’m only friends if I wanna screw you”, but “If I’m spending a lot of time with you, I’m comfortable with you, and I’m romantically/sexually available, I’m down for you to make a move or drop hints”.

The only real “issue” I have, and it’s one I happily compromise on, is if kinks align. If they do, or compromise can happen, it’s all cool. If not, then hey, I’m not a good fit as a sexual partner for that person, and that’s okay! I can be something else in their life. I just know what it’s like, from both sides, to not have those needs met.

And does your intention to put yourself out there more as an introverted person stem from something more?

Partially from knowing that a part of my introversion has been because of fear, and holding myself back. While it’s far from the whole, my depression has most definitely worked its way in alongside it, holding me back from being true to myself. While therapy and medication have been working wonders, I know I also need to break myself out of the chains I’ve placed on myself, both in my identity and in my life fighting from accepting that identity. All the medicine in the world can’t fix what we refuse to change alongside it.

It has also been building self-esteem and confidence. I’ve always been pretty hard on myself, and coming out came with a realization of a large reason as to why, and why it’s always felt easier for me behind some text, like this. Because I was trying to be the wrong person, trying to show the wrong face, and places like here… No one knows it. I can be my true self, because the mask doesn’t need to get put on. I don’t have to be a “man”.

By pushing myself, even in small ways, I’ve been feeling better about myself. Shaking off all those whispers of who I should be, and feeling more confident in who I actually am.

In the days leading up to it, I felt kinda dumb, but my partner had gotten us tickets to a show I was super excited for, and she had picked up some beauty products for me. One was this PH color changing lipstick, and I hyped myself up so much to wear it out to the concert.

Just a year ago, that would have terrified me. That night, though… I didn’t care. I felt pretty, and handsome, and like myself. I liked my face. I posed for pictures, in public, for the first time in years and enjoyed myself. Talked with other Cowboy Bebop fans.

It made me realize how I used to feel, when I felt like I had outlets, like theatre. Being up on stage brought something out of me, because I didn’t really feel the crowd. I felt the people I was on stage with. It also made me realize how much of that feeling was tied into letting my true self out more.

I was never the life of the party, but I at least managed to help bundle the other wallflowers up into a bouquet of our own. I let that slip away in fighting myself, isolating myself.

If you feel any of these things are too sensitive, or personal to talk about, just know that catgirls are naturally curious and will not hold it against you if you draw the line somwhere.

Curiosity is a thing to be fed, and in this, I’m fairly comfortable being an open book. Not only does it help us understand the differences between ourselves, but my own self-discovery was helped along by finding conversations like these. They helped me learn that I wasn’t alone in my feelings, and taught me the words to help describe them. The least I can do is answer some questions that might help another, some time, in their own questioning moments, even if it’s something they come across years after the discussion was had.