What are the things you maybe encountered or are generally common that turn you off a lot?
Can share my story as an example. I’m very much a committed monogamous guy, and, for second relationships in a row (fourth total), the girl offers me a condom from an open pack.
They do not use them for their stuff, they literally just kept them for like a year from previous relationships (to which both girls admitted), which is not only a questionable approach to storing condoms (please do not store them in an open box in a random place), but also a giant turn off for me, almost like using sex toys from previous partner.
What are such things in your life? Maybe something that is generally accepted as normal, but makes you uncomfortable? Would love to hear stories from all sides.
I think you’re being overly sensitive on the condoms - they’re just a contraceptive (but definitely store properly). On the sex toys… maybe. Toy for your butt - get a new one together. Her favourite vibrator - let her keep it, it’ll pay dividends. Try not to be insecure about the previous relationships - it’s never a good look.
Things that make me uncomfortable? - vague answers, going stuff because they feel they should rather than want to.
Yeah, had to mention vibrators or something else that was exclusively used on her is generally fine.
To be clear - this is not a sign of insecurity, not retroactive jealousy, either. This is just a simple wish to not interact with anything sexual used by the other guy I never chose to be intimate with and who can be gross to me, even if this is a pack of otherwise separate condoms. Like, it’s not hard or expensive to replace - just buy a damn pack at the nearest pharmacy - and regardless of how much your partner cares, you won’t lose anything either way. And I feel like I’m not the only person in the world caring for such matters.
I feel like as much as we try to make it less of a deal, this is just innately uncomfortable for many - not through insecurities it’s often written off to, but rather through the nature of the intimate, of the highly personal. I want for our sex life to be ours alone in all aspects, not because someone else was “better” - I seem to be good and skillful and attractive - but because they, for all their previous experience with her, are not invited.
Also, heavily agree on vague answers and signs that partner is pressured. This is a no-go.
This feels like some weird purity test or something. Sometimes am unexpeted hook up happens and it’s better to have a condom ready than have unprotected sex with a stranger. You aren’t complaining about having sex in the same bed as her previous partners, so why would unused condoms be any different?
That’s my point - those are not “unexpected hook-ups” (I never feel comfortable with those), those are events in a relationship they could absolutely prepare for, and something that normally comes with a greater level of intimacy.
Changing a bed is unreasonably costly, materially and financially, besides, bed is not necessarily associated with sex.
Getting new condoms is a matter of spending beer money at a nearest pharmacy.
So if she had been out of a relationship for, say, a year, and had bought a box at the start of the time, used half of them on different partners, and then used one with you it’d have been fine? At least from the condom perspective, never mind that she has casual sexual encounters and that’s never cool. Good luck on your gymnastics journey.
No, as I said, I do not welcome hookups and would not appreciate if she’d go randomly fucking with everyone before dating me.
Definitely no insecurity talking 😆
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Considering you went straight to cost, the vibe I’m getting from this is you’d be happier if they did replace the bed. Along with everything else.
I don’t know how old you are (you sound on the younger side), but I can tell you this is something that will get worse as you get older, not better. I’m someone that used to have a jealousy/insecurity streak with my partners and I worked on it. Something to consider.
I said already I don’t have insecurity about past partners or retroactive jealousy. It’s just gross to me.
I think it’s normal to have oddball hangups, nobody gets experienced without some baggage, basically. You know this is a you problem so I don’t think it’s an anti-sexual-woman thing, more like an OCD thing, right? I think the answer here is to bring your own condoms, or go shopping for them together since it’s a planned thing.
Yes, that’s what I did.
I explained my issue to her in a gentle way and offered the condoms I bought myself. She immediately accepted it, to which I’m thankful.
Also, right on spot, I do have diagnosed OCD.
Let me ask you this. If she just had a few loose condoms in her purse, would it have turned you off? What about a couple spare in a wallet? The assumption I would make is she bought them to have them handy (hah) not for a specific partner. It’s the same as a guy keeping a condom on him.