Okay, now that you’ve edited your comment to clarify, it makes sense. The term dead seemed quite literal in your previous and original text, but now I can see it is a term for that part of society, when they change their name and leave the ordinary behind., and it is insulting to that person.
Since it wasn’t clear at the start, but that’s okay. Now it makes sense.
I wouldn’t just say conservative women, since this is a really good explanation for anyone. My cousin and partner changed their last name to something altogether different when they got married. For them, it wasn’t fair to the one for the other take the first’s family name, so they just chose a new one. It was really hard for the rest of the family (there’s a history with that family name that caused the hardship in its change, and the name holds a lot of weight to the entire extended family). Do you know what didn’t happen, though? Absolutely no one, despite how hard it was for them, called the couple by their former name once they announced the name change. Not even our grandmother, whose family name it was and was carried over from her deceased husband. One of their former friends (not even family), however, refused to accept the name change, and kept calling them by their former name. I would consider that dead naming, too.
Name changes are hard for the people around you. Not always for malicious reasons. For me, for example, when a trans friend changed names, I kept calling them by the name that was ingrained in my head for a decade. I caught myself, and fixed it during the conversations. I apologized the first few times, and was assured that no apologies were needed, since it was clear I was trying. It took a bit, but the new name has now been associated with them, and I no longer stumble. Some people, I’ve noticed, find it offensive, for some stupid reason, when someone changes their own name, and will absolutely not call them by it. I will never understand that part. It’s not your name–i’s their name ffs–just flippin call them by their preferred name.
I went off on a tangent, but all this to say that you offered a good, generic, applies-to-all-generations explanation.
Edit: Oh, I did edit it about 30 seconds after posting, to add the first parenthetical. Apologies for outright accusing you of lying. It doesn’t display as edited on my instance when done within the first minute. But you replied 5 minutes after my edit, so I think the odds that you loaded the page within 30 seconds of my original reply are too minuscule to be super convincing.
Look, if you did not, then that’s fine, but I completely read it differently earlier. To me, it read, as though you said, a dead trans person. That made it so niche that it was bizarre and incomprehensible that anybody would even understand it. But as people have commented below, I now fully understand.
Okay, now that you’ve edited your comment to clarify, it makes sense. The term dead seemed quite literal in your previous and original text, but now I can see it is a term for that part of society, when they change their name and leave the ordinary behind., and it is insulting to that person.
Since it wasn’t clear at the start, but that’s okay. Now it makes sense.
Here’s a deadnaming example that should resonate with conservative women…
You get married and take your husband’s name, but your parents insist on continuing to call you by your maiden name.
I wouldn’t just say conservative women, since this is a really good explanation for anyone. My cousin and partner changed their last name to something altogether different when they got married. For them, it wasn’t fair to the one for the other take the first’s family name, so they just chose a new one. It was really hard for the rest of the family (there’s a history with that family name that caused the hardship in its change, and the name holds a lot of weight to the entire extended family). Do you know what didn’t happen, though? Absolutely no one, despite how hard it was for them, called the couple by their former name once they announced the name change. Not even our grandmother, whose family name it was and was carried over from her deceased husband. One of their former friends (not even family), however, refused to accept the name change, and kept calling them by their former name. I would consider that dead naming, too.
Name changes are hard for the people around you. Not always for malicious reasons. For me, for example, when a trans friend changed names, I kept calling them by the name that was ingrained in my head for a decade. I caught myself, and fixed it during the conversations. I apologized the first few times, and was assured that no apologies were needed, since it was clear I was trying. It took a bit, but the new name has now been associated with them, and I no longer stumble. Some people, I’ve noticed, find it offensive, for some stupid reason, when someone changes their own name, and will absolutely not call them by it. I will never understand that part. It’s not your name–i’s their name ffs–just flippin call them by their preferred name.
I went off on a tangent, but all this to say that you offered a good, generic, applies-to-all-generations explanation.
I did not edit my comment. Why are you lying?
Edit: Oh, I did edit it about 30 seconds after posting, to add the first parenthetical. Apologies for outright accusing you of lying. It doesn’t display as edited on my instance when done within the first minute. But you replied 5 minutes after my edit, so I think the odds that you loaded the page within 30 seconds of my original reply are too minuscule to be super convincing.
I guess I hit reply. Started typing.
You hit edit whilst I was typing. I replied some minutes later.
Makes perfect sense to me.
Look, if you did not, then that’s fine, but I completely read it differently earlier. To me, it read, as though you said, a dead trans person. That made it so niche that it was bizarre and incomprehensible that anybody would even understand it. But as people have commented below, I now fully understand.