Man I dunno what is going on lately. Sure I searched for a few things on āpurpose of lifeā and those kind of things which might be the reason I am getting these recommendations.
Itās weird though that millions of people are struggling with the same things I am currently struggling with. Iām at a point inbetween I shouldnāt be depressive. I shouldnāt feel bad at all. My job is great, have a wife and now my house is almost ādoneā. I donāt have kids (yet). Life couldnāt be betterā¦ but now there is this ābutā.
I have absolutely zero energy. Even if I love climbing and would like to start again, I rather just scroll through youtube or stare at a wall. I noticed that I personally have zero problems in my life but all the people around me have problems that I feel like those are my problems too.
Best friend of mine is alcoholic. Because of him I search so much shi.t about how to deal with alcohol problems. My wife somehow canāt get shi.t done either. She failed her exams after 4 years studying and now is jobless but starting a new job next month. My brother is a leech. He doesnāt care about my mom and our grandma but now that my mom is getting the āhouseā he is asking to help her with fixing it up etcā¦ he just wants the house one day. That is going to be a huge fight in 20 years already. My coworkers keep crying about how stressful work is. I love my job and I have no stress because the tasks are easy and dunno all I do is drink coffee at work cause I am bored after 4 hours while my coworkers struggle to get done in 8 hours. My mom and uncle arenāt talking with each other anymore - he was an a*shole the whole life towards her. I only know what I have seen and it was bad. I canāt confirm her stories, but I assume they gotta be true from what I have already seen myself happen.
TLDR: So much drama around me that it is eating me up and if I wouldnāt have contact with other people I would be so happy.
Really I think the best thing in life is try to avoid people and be on your own. They only cause drama. Imagine if I had just bought a van and drove up to sweden 10 years ago instead of buying a house I could just escape these people, even though I love all of them.
I feel so drained by the drama around me that I canāt do what I love. I use to play video games 12 hours a day and not give a f. If my future me could have told me when I was 10 years old playing World of Warcraft was when I peaked in life I wouldnāt have believed him. Okay that was kind of harsh, I achieved a lot and worked a lot for what I have now and I am proud of me but the people around me are lost and that makes me depressive.
I canāt watch my brother be a leech, my mom and her brother fighting, my wife not being able to work in her ādreamā field anymore duo to failed exams at the age of 30. She is literally starting from scratch with nothing at 30 years old. My alcoholic friendā¦ man I feel sorry for all of those people.
I really know that I am lucky to be in my position. But I feel like I canāt enjoy my āluckā or what I āachievedā because of everyone being so ābadā in life around meā¦ it makes me feel sad I canāt celebrate anything I achieve. Itās frustrating going to work finishing a huge project and all my coworkers bitc.h around: āGreat now we gotta repeat this til we retire.āā¦ I canāt get home from work and be happy cause my wife is rock bottom. I canāt go to my mom cause she has problems. My alcoholic friend is a problem. I have no one to go to and be āhappyā.
I wish I had a few people in my life that have no problems and just enjoy life. That would actually be my wife if she didnāt fail exams because she is the best person I know. I really wish she gets a better oppertunity.
My youtube feed is full of videos of being a better person, learning how to give 0 fcks, āmindset changing lifeā etc. The whole search feed is screwed and thinks I am a wrecked person eventhough I am just searching and googling for stuff about other people.
It sounds like you have depression mixed with empathy that overflows your own cup. You can help others get through struggles, but if you find itās also dragging you down, thatās when you need to set boundaries. Only you can control how you react to something.
Iām similar. Easily influenced by whatās going on around me. Iām finding in my early 40s that I want less and less interaction with strangers and the state I live in is filled to the brim with negative people. The solution for me is to eventually move and remove myself from the vicinity of that influential negativity before it permeates my life. Sounds like you need to do similar before those people drown you with them.
I always tell people that I canāt help anyone or fix anything until Iām properly functioning. Until then, people arenāt getting shit from me. If you allow others to constantly get help or advice from you, they will rely on it constantlyāespecially people that are in compromised mental states (alcoholism, depression, etc.).
Your post points out the exact issues. You are able to recognize that your life is good, but you are not being challenged at work if youāre bored, and youāre being adversely affected by people that are in a far shittier state.