My (25F) boyfriend (28M) and I have been together for about 6 months, and things have been great overall. Recently, though, when he gets upset, he says things that seem intended to hurt me. It feels like he intentionally picks at things he thinks will get under my skin.
I’ve started to feel anxious about when the next comment will come, and it’s affecting me emotionally. I’m not sure how to address this with him.
Setting boundaries with him, and with yourself, to ensure you have an out if he’s being hurtful is super important. If you just accept the comments he’ll have no reason to stop, especially if the behavior you exhibit afterwards is beneficial to him. An example would be: let him know that when he says hurtful things to you, you won’t be engaging with him in that frame of mind and that you will exit the situation until you feel safe and he’s able to speak kindly again. Then, the next time he does it, stop him, remind him of that boundary, get up, and exit the situation. If he tries to stop you or gets upset that you have expectations of being treated with respect, I suggest ending the relationship. If he catches himself, realizes when he’s getting worked up and tries to stop the behavior once he realizes how it affects you, he’s probably a good one.