I have always struggled with self-esteem, especially when it comes to RSD. To cope, I’ve found that repeating certain positive affirmations like “I can do anything,” “I’m awesome,” etc. helps me feel more confident in myself. It’s not about being arrogant, but more like a mental trick to push through my insecurities and feel better in the moment.
The thing is, some people around me are starting to accuse me of being a narcissist because of it. I’ll admit, part of me does enjoy the attention that comes with these affirmations, and for a while, I just leaned into it. But now it feels like it’s spiraling a bit out of control. I’m wondering if I’ve crossed some line between self-empowerment and self-centeredness.
I don’t want to seem arrogant or like I’m trying to manipulate anyone, but I really don’t know how else to keep my confidence up. Has anyone else experienced this? How do you manage the fine line between boosting your self-esteem and coming off as narcissistic, especially when dealing with ADHD or autism?
Oh yeah, I do that too! I’ve been doing it as a conscious effort towards a positive self-talk, like when people tell me I look good or something I reply “I know, thanks” instead of the usual knee-jerk reaction of completely disregarding them and possibly even denying it verbally, for about three-four years now, essentially as a “fake it till you make it” kind of an attitude towards self-confidence. And I too have been struggling with this, the thought of “am I being narcissistic?” when I dare feel anything but burning hatred towards myself and my own well-being. Herein lies a distinction, the important difference between 1) having narcissistic traits (which, like it or not, everyone - including you, because you aren’t that special to be completely devoid of them - has) and 2) having these traits in so much of an excess that it could and would be diagnosed as narcissistic personality disorder (which is rare, like 1% of population can be diagnosed).
I trust the sentiment that /u/Clent (btw does Lemmy work like this?) below said, that “No narcissist has ever asked themselves if they are being narcissistic”. People who suffer from this personality disorder don’t work like that. Also judging by what you bring forward here I really wouldn’t worry about it; usually people who call other people “narcissistic” when said person is acting “selfishly” (with a stark contrast to the complete anti-self acting previously exhibited) don’t know what they are talking about.
But of course it is good to look in a mirror every once and a while, especially regarding how you act towards other people. I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which is in the same cluster of personality disorders as narcissistic and also anti-social personality disorders, and I can recognize in myself the tendency to act without judgement towards my own actions. Beforehand, that is, hindsight is always 20/20 though. But usually these actions tell me that I am in dire distress, and need help urgently. Your mileage may vary.
when people tell me I look good or something I reply “I know, thanks” instead of the usual knee-jerk reaction of completely disregarding them and possibly even denying it verbally
Personally, I’d just thank them without denying, but also not stating that “I know” because it kinda feels like saying “I know that already, why’d you even mention it”.
As for mentioning others, I think it works by writing @<username>@<userinstance>, e.g. @[email protected]
feels like saying “I know that already, why’d you even mention it”.
Yeah, it can sound like that. But then again, I live in a tiny, sad excuse for a city in rural Finland, and in my small circles I’m known for dressing “up” or just dressing well. I have a certain sense of style, and I know what clothes fit me and look good on me. It’s actually something I’ve worked on for a long time, and I’m quite proud of my ability to do so. So it ties to that, see? What I was trying to bring across was maybe that one shouldn’t be ashamed of things one has achieved, but the context was obviously lacking.
“narcissistic” has become the go to word for meaning ‘doesn’t completely hate themselves’ so I wouldn’t worry unless it’s coming from people who do not get their worldview from reddit and tik tok
No narcissist has ever asked themselves if they are being narcissistic.
If you didn’t twist the narcissistic accusations back onto the accuser you aren’t a narcissist. They are just overfitting the term.
It sounds like what you’re ultimately doing is a form of faking it until you make it. There is nothing wrong with that.
If people think you’re arrogant or a narcissist for repeating affirmations, that’s about them. It could be jealousy steaming from them not being brave enough to follow your lead.
I think it might be on the same spectrum as “narcissism”, maybe similar underlying psychological mechanisms, but I think there’s a line that narcissism crosses when it’s to the point of ignoring/degrading everyone else around you. For you, it sounds like it’s more about boosting your own self-confidence, not excluding or disregarding others and putting your own self first, like if you were to start putting other people down just to boost your own self-confidence. I think narcissists may have the same sort of self-confidence issue, but how they go about pumping themselves up is what makes them toxic personalities.
Based on what you’ve described though, it doesn’t sound like that’s what you’re doing. It may come across as arrogant to others, and I think that’s what they’re conflating with narcissism.
Narcissisism isn’t a bad thing as long as it is known and controlled for.
You feel good because you say good things about yourself? Rock on.
Others feel bad because you say good things about yourself? What is their problem?
That is not a normal reaction.
Friends should lift up friends at least in equal amounts to how much they are lifted by said friend.
As long as you are being a good friend to your friends it should not negatively affect them when you say good things about yourself. Of course, it would not hurt if you tempered that by saying good things about them as well.
Lift up all the homies
I totally get what you mean. Your concerns are valid. Being too self centered is a real problem, and it hurts our already fragile social relationships. I agree with what the others have said here, and I would add that I think self-love is a virtue in the middle of the spectrum between no confidence and too much confidence. Self care would be an Aristotelian virtue, a golden mean between two extremes.
Keeping oneself healthy and happy also allows us to tend to the needs and desires of others without overextending. It would be a disservice to oneself and others to fall into disrepair.
Its perfectly reasonable to acknowledge your ego and even fuel it at times, as long as you keep it in check and don’t let it get inflated or “go to your head” There’s a difference between “I’m capable of doing anything I want to” and “it’s acceptable for me to do anything I want”
Narcissisism isn’t a bad thing as long as it is known and controlled for.
You feel good because you say good things about yourself? Rock on.
Others feel bad because you say good things about yourself? What is their problem?
That is not a normal reaction.
Friends should lift up friends at least in equal amounts to how much they are lifted by said friend.
As long as you are being a good friend to your friends it should not negatively affect them when you say good things about yourself. Of course, it would not hurt if you tempered that by saying good things about them as well.
Lift up all the homies
I agree but I wouldn’t even say this is narcissism. Narcissism doesn’t mean you do good things for yourself or take care of yourself and so on. That’s just having a healthy self esteem.
