The Onion out here reminding me that there are still good people in this world (outside of my boyfriends, family and friends)
They should run actual left wing articles but write them to sound like right wing conspiracies. Like, politicians say raising trans kids is child abuse? THE GOVERNMENT WANTS TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU’RE ALLOWED TO CALL YOUR OWN KIDS!!
Guess InfoWars will begin publishing more factual articles, then.
A sort of justice served… In a funny and positive way.
Lmao no fucking way. That’s hilarious
I need to know that Dan and Jordan will get access to the desk.
Goddamn, I was sure I ate the onion on this one.
This is probably the best possible outcome.
This is so unreasonably fantastic hahaha
As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately. Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO’s life by 10 minutes, diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste. Instead, we plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWarswarehouses into a large vat and boil the contents down into a single candy bar–sized omnivitamin that one executive (I will not name names) may eat in order to increase his power and perhaps become immortal.
Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.
I hope they didn’t pay more than a sack of onions.
I hope it’s a lot. The money here is going to the families of Sandy Hook victims. There isn’t nearly enough to cover the full court ordered payout, but it’s essentially a donation to them with extra steps.
I know, but why should someone other than Jones pay up? He has obviously put aside a lot of money that is due to those affected - he will make even more in the next trump turn. If he gets away with that and shows that it’s worthwhile to run a business as immoral as his, others will do exactly the same.
Edit: nvm, I forgot that Trump still owes the state of New York half a billion dollars for massive financial fraud that he will never pay because the US citizens elected him the next president. Well, too bad the US legal system doesn’t prosecute anyone personally - especially not with criminal charges. Sorry, I always wrongly assume that the US has a semi-functioning legal system. My bad.
Apparently, the familes actually agreed to a lower price on this one.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/the-onion-buys-alex-jones-infowars-auction-sandy-hook-families/
“The Connecticut families agreed to forgo a portion of their recovery to increase the overall value of The Onion’s bid, enabling its success,” according to the statement.
i would give each of them 1 billion dollars
The Onion’s parent company, Global Tetrahedron
Eee! They named the parent company after the evil corporation parent company in The Onion Movie! That makes me unreasonably happy! 😂🥰
It was originally created for the satire book Our Dumb Century: The Onion Presents 100 Years of Headlines from America’s Finest News Source
This is some next level meta.
I initially thought this was going to be an onion article, but here we are. Class.
I was hoping for Cards Against Humanity to do it, but this is just as good.
Man, the Onion really is a national treasure.
It’s America’s Finest News Source!
