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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Cute-Panda100 on 2023-06-25 18:44:16+00:00.
(Throwaway for obvious reasons)
My ex-wife Kate and I have two kids (Mike, 16 and Abby, 14). We had a turbulent marriage and split for many reasons. It wasn’t amicable and I had to fight for custody.
Kate and I both remarried. She didn’t have children with her new husband. I have three (9F, 7F, 5M) kids with my wife and also gained a stepdaughter (19). My stepdaughter’s father left after he found out my wife was pregnant, so she never knew her father. When I came into their lives I took on the role of a father figure. As far as blended families go, I am really lucky that we are all happy. My stepdaughter and I have good relationship and Mike and Abby love their siblings from my wife.
The only person that is against my family is my Kate. My wife is black and this has been a point of contention since the beginning. Especially the fact that my wife is a very dark-skinned black woman is problematic to her. Kate, her husband and I are very white. Kate hates my wife and, especially, my stepdaughter (her bio-dad is also black). Kate’s racism was one of many factors of our divorce. She has been mostly silent on my biracial kids even though they present as black. Thankfully Mike and Abby haven’t taken over her racism.
Because of this, Kate has been on a crusade, trying to make my families life as difficult as possible. It came to a head last week. We were planning to go on a vacation abroad with the entire family. Including Mike and Abby. Everyone was looking forward to it. Especially, my stepdaughter was looking forward to it. But Kate wouldn’t sign the documents that would allow Mike and Abby to travel abroad (because they are minors). Everyone was really disappointed. It would be the first vacation abroad for my three bio-kids with my wife.
I then decided to go and book the vacation anyway but without Mike and Abby. Understandably, they were not happy. Normal I don’t badmouth Kate in front of them, but I told them its because of her that they can’t go.
This caused Kate to become really angry, saying I was prioritising my new family, and abandoning Mike and Abby. She somehow placed the blame for all this on my stepdaughter. Saying my stepdaughter was taking their father away. Also calling me a “race traitor”, which didn’t make sense.
This unleashed a shitstorm with everyone of our friends weighing in, with some saying I am an asshole. Mike and Abby are pissed at me for not going on vacation, and place the blame on me, after I deflected blame away from my stepdaughter.
Kate calls me an asshole for going on vacation. I am beginning to think booking the vacation was a mistake, AITA?