My advice is to enroll in a community college acting class and really throw yourself into it. Worked wonders for me, in fact it turned my whole life around. I didn’t become a professional actor but it changed how I look at everything. Take job interviews - I reframed them as not being job interviews, I already work there, I’ve been away on a sabbatical or something and it’s my first day back. Think how great it will be to see everybody again! It’s a fantastic group, we all like each other, the manager is awesome… so I get into that character and when I walk in I’m genuinely glad to be there and everybody feels it - not the formal politeness of a typical super-nervous applicant, instant comfort level and 100% culture fit. There are lots more ways acting experience benefited me - one was the almost instant social life. Rehearsals, going out for pizza, cast parties, other parties, dating - theatre women are a blast, and tbh a straight guy doing theatre is golden. I went from overanxious introverted computer nerd to sociable, confident, dare-I-say Man About Town, puttin’ on the Ritz.

edit: regarding age - I started in my late 20s but late 30s is totally fine. Most of the students were early 20s, people who had gone to work right after high school for a few years and had gone back to school. But there were people older than myself. There may or may not be people there your age in a particular class, but it doesn’t matter. When you’re doing a character you aren’t who you are anyway. So don’t let that hold you back.

I don’t have a general answer for you, but I did want to say that you should not rule out depression as a major component of what’s going on with you. I have a genetically-based cyclic depression that’s been with me more than four decades. Despite that, I have managed to remain employed. It has sometimes been very difficult, but it is possible to remain somewhat functional even when severely depressed. I have had to change jobs a few times because of it, but I’ve been able to make a steady living.

Depression can leave you with very little energy or volition, but very little is different from none. The worse it gets, the more you have to focus on your most critical necessities, which is not pleasant, but it can keep you going. Small victories like that can actually help counteract it. I think a lot of depression is “living to fight another day”.

If you do have depression, there are many things you can try. Therapy, medication, exercise, meditation, mindfullness, support groups, volunteering, hobbies, etc. Start by talking with a doctor.

I wish you the best!

First:

No, you don’t need a purpose, and your lifestyle sounds ok, if you were enjoying it (I think plenty of people would) but a couple of things stick out to me. One, you are avoiding romantic attachment - if any women are attracted to you, you are not unattractive or too awkward or whatever - you are really not attracted to any women who find you attractive? Or your brain rejects them because you subconsciously think you cannot possibly be attractive so there has to be something wrong with them?

Two, you do honestly sound depressed. It doesn’t have to mean so catatonic you can’t make it to work, it can mean going through the motions of life without feeling anything.

Do you have any hobbies, no matter how obscure? That’s often a great gateway to meet people with a shared interest. If you don’t have one, look for nearby homeless shelters / churches. They often have volunteer programs where you can do anything from feeding the homeless, to helping pick up trash, etc. This work tends to be very fulfilling because you can cause a positive impact in the area that you live in. You will probably also meet a person or two while doing this.

People love to talk about themselves, so if you do manage to chat someone up at one of these events, ask them about their life. Try to steer the questions towards one that don’t have a yes/no answer, and keep engaging them and asking follow up questions. Making acquaintances is basically as easy as that. Do that long enough and you’ll have more than one friend.

TLDR: Find people with shared interests; engage them in conversation. Repeat until friend[s] acquired. Easy as that.

Find a shop sells games like Dungeons & Dragons or Magic: the Gathering, stuff like that.

Even if you don’t play, you have a high chance of crossing paths with nerds (autistic folk, if you will). This could give you human connection in your life.

Near as I can tell, that’s the only god damn reason to be on this Earth. Hang out with other humans.

If you aren’t uncomfortable you can’t change. But first you have to want to want it. You aren’t really living paycheck to paycheck if you have a healthy savings however, it may be time to move somewhere where you can afford to live for longer and enjoy your nursing career, it’s a noble one after all.

Making and keep friends / lovers is much harder especially if you’re successful financially and career wise. I’d try to find a hobby in the psychology world online. There’s plenty of like minds out there that share the passion. If you want true friends you need to let them not be perfect. Have a great deal of grace and humility with coworkers. Same with finding a mate, even more so.

Good luck, it sounds like you’re doing a lot of things a healthy way.

What do you do to take care of yourself? Not treat yourself, but take care of yourself?

If it makes you feel better, most people have no idea what they actually want and just follow whatever has been put in front of them.

I suggest donating your time or skills to helping others in some way. It doesn’t have to be a great endeavor, especially because I am sure nursing and taking care of people is emotionally draining.

I started assistant coaching a local kids’ sports team that had very little funding. Turns out that it was incredibly rewarding to work with kids and watch them grow. I also found friends in other coaches who had similar interests to me. We could always commiserate over complaining about waking up early for practice or certain kids that were difficult, and friendships grew from there.

Maybe kids aren’t your cup of tea. But I have always gotten a seratonin boost from helping other people. That might be an easy place start. Aside from that, maybe a hobby that requires you to interact with others. The first thing that pops into my head is glass blowing, because there is a shop in my town. You can take a class with other people, if you hate it then it wasn’t too expensive of a trial because they have all the equipment. If you like it then you can participate more with the shop. Something along those lines?

The problem, as I see it, is: You are rotating around yourself. All the time. Round and round.

Humans are made for relationships. Not just man-woman, but relationships in the most general sense.

You are not living any strong relationships, and therefore your life feels meaningless.

So, the solution is: start to invest your time into people. Nursing wasn’t a bad start at all. But you do it for a job = for making money, so there’s not much coming back to you.

My advice is:

Do something for people in such a way that nothing comes back to you. I’m not talking about money, but your time. It does not need to be much. But do it very regularly. That way you will be able to escape that rotating around yourself.

You are going to meet new people, and there will be some wonderful people among them. Some others, too, but you are strong enough not to get scared off easily.

You don’t sound autistic at all and even though you say you don’t think it’s depression, it really sounds like one to me.

First thing I’d try in your place would be to go to therapy. Seriously, it helps. And if nothing else, you’ll get a more educated opinion on whether it’s depression or something else.

All of the stuff sounds like a coping mechanism to avoid something traumatic. The good news is that 40 is far from old, you can still make meaningful connections with others. Don’t give up!

You might try meetups around a hobby that you’re into (or interested in learning about). I always suggest boardgaming because it’s a relatively casual atmosphere for meeting people around an activity. There’s no pressure to carry on a conversation and you’re not dating these people, just meeting strangers for gaming. You usually still have to talk about the game and rules as you’re playing, so it gives you something in common to talk about. The rules provide structure if you’re socially awkward, so it’s maybe not as chaotic as just going to a party with a bunch of people there and trying to carry on random conversations. Meetup.com is what I’ve tried before and that worked well for me in my area (results may vary).

That’s just something to get you out of the house, pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone seems like the first thing you’d want to try doing. Getting out and meeting new people can help sometimes. It sounds like you’re in a rut, just sort of bored with everything, or at least wanting something more. Otherwise, maybe pick some sort of hobby or interest maybe you’ve though about before and just throw yourself into it if you have the time and/or money. Learn something new. Start an exercise routine or just start going on extended (30min) walks around your neighborhood. Start volunteering somewhere. Write in a journal. Just do something that’s not part of your typical routine that sparks some new mental connections for you.

And even though you don’t feel depressed, what you’re describing still could be a sign of depression, so reaching out for support is always an option that you shouldn’t feel ashamed of or anything.

Just throwing some stuff out there as ideas, but I hope everything works out well for you.

I’ve found that the world is indifferent to your existence so I’ve take the “we’re here for a good time, not a long time” approach. I enjoy traveling/seeing what the world has to offer. It can be super fun immersing yourself in different cultures. Then I go back home and escape in fiction however I can from books, tv, movies, video games. I work out, challenge myself, learn languages, have hobbies that I find joy and meaning in. I just do and surround myself with things that make me happy. Get a dog or cat, they’re awesome company! that’s all i’ve got. I’m feeling pretty down lately too due to personal circumstance but I take “me time” very seriously.

I am similar, though for me I’d say it’s more of a personality disorder (SzPD) which also makes socialization a dilemma (it’s a term). Though I live somewhere without much to do (+no public transportation), particularly because I have no interest in driving.

Though I lack skills/money, plus have untreated health issues and likely depression.

Upsticks and leave. Whereever you are you can probaly go and do wha you do somewhere else. I would pick a whole other country, you could pick ones that align with your interests like philosophy and cooking - places where there is history or active communities in those spaces.

As for making friends, join clubs. Start running, playing board games, cold water swimmimg, etc.

If you are looking for purpose and you don’t mecessarily care about money you could make a huge impact in charitable works. If you don’t like human contact you could volunteer with animals.

You are at a crossroads in that you feel jilted and stuck but in reality you have nothing keeping you in one place. If you save 70% of your earnings for multiple years you are in a position to just stop working while you figure it out. You are in a position to take a pay cut and find something you enjoy.

I know a few people who were in similar spots and one became a data analyst for a charity - less hours and he can see changes being made by his hand - and the other travels to meet the elderly to record and archive their memories for posterity.

You could do absolutely anything.