I find it so hard to find anyone compatible. I’m basically slowing down my dating efforts because it just makes me miserable. Are there any success stories out there? Common personality types that pair surprisingly well? Anything?

  • torpak@discuss.tchncs.deEnglish
    3·
    1 year ago

    I (AuDHD diagnosed last year) am very glad that I met my wife (NT as far as we know) in the 90s. I think that was a more forgiving time. Since i’m completely clueless in regards to flirting, non verbal signals and reading between the lines, my (now) wife had to basically ask me to kiss her for me to realize that she might be interested in me. So I can’t really give advice other than: be friendly and wait for the rigth person to choose you. Regarding personality types I can say that I’m often indecisive and tend to overthink things while my wife is very practical and a bit dominant. It works rather well for us.

    • alwaysconfused@lemmy.caEnglish
      2·
      1 year ago

      I joked with my last girlfriend that she would have had more success flirting with a wall. She tried to sit on my lap at one point and I still never got the hint.

      Flirting is such an ambiguous game where you talk and act around being interested while never explicitly saying you’re interested. It’s similar to how people talk to each other using colourful phrases without meaning to say something. For example, “state of the art” is such an empty phrase to express modernity. Modern art, modern technology, modern science, modern standard of living could all be “state of the art.” Flirting, like modern language, is so ambiguous that it’s a confusing mess for me to navigate.

      She did eventually learn to be more direct with me but still got annoyed because I didn’t flirt with her. While it didn’t work out with her, it helped me understand that I’d rather be with myself than to try and play a game that was designed around ambiguity. If someone is interested in me and is direct about it, I will be far more receptive to see where things go. Being direct is a great sign of compatability for me. Honesty about one’s self is also a a great indicator of a good person too.

      I realized a long time ago that I a higher standard for who I want to be with so I never really pursued a relationship even though I’d like to be in one. The hardest part about that choice is dealing with the judgement and shaming that comes from others for not being in a relationship.