I’m not trying to hate, so please don’t insult me or give rude advice. As a bi girl myself, I’m genuinely just trying to understand and get input from other people here respectfully.

This one girl at my school, Ana, says she’s bi because the topic came up. I told her I was too, and that’s cool and all, but what I don’t understand is that Ana also says she doesn’t really find women attractive. She’d like to be friends with them, she finds them pretty in a platonic way, but she doesn’t want to date them. There is no female character she’d be attracted to, nor a celebrity, nor anyone. Ana says she’s kinda “ehh” on women romantically.

However, Ana is very obviously attracted to men. She often has a new male crush every two weeks or so, and finds a lot of celebrities (such as actors), fictional characters, and boys at school attractive and would definitely date them.

Again, I’m genuinely confused, so if you guys could help me understand, that would be greatly appreciated. I don’t understand why Ana says she’s bi with no gender preference. At first, I could see bi with a male preference, but she told me she straight-up doesn’t see women romantically and finds them “ehh”.

Ana also finds female genitalia gross and doesn’t feel sexual attraction towards them. She finds them completely ehh in all aspects, although she called herself a lesbian a few months ago.

I don’t ask her any questions or tell her who she is or isn’t attracted to, by the way, she brings them up in conversation.

  • con_figEnglish
    50·
    7 days ago

    Honestly, I wouldn’t even try and get into it. Who knows why she identifies how she does, just chalk it up as odd and move on.

  • phughes@lemmy.caEnglish
    395·
    7 days ago

    It sounds like what your friend is attracted to is attention.

  • Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    221·
    7 days ago

    I’m curious about the age here. This sounds like teenage attention-seeking behavior from your friend.

  • cm0002@lemmy.worldEnglish
    131·
    7 days ago

    It’s possible she’s afraid/nervous to come out of the closet or “not ready to admit it” and let it slip that she was bi on accident or “unconsciously”, but normally maintains the mask of being straight or something?

    To complex for here, there’s a lot of other potential variables at play like are her close family/parents very conservative/religious? Is your area hard right leaning?

    Ana also finds female genitalia gross

    I generally only hear that from people who’re going through an internal struggle between who they feel they are and right-wing upbringing/programming

    • insomniacalmond@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      1·
      7 days ago

      We live in a blue state, friend group is LGBT or allies. Not sure about her family’s religion, but she said they didn’t care one way or the other

      • cm0002@lemmy.worldEnglish
        2·
        7 days ago

        Well that’s weird then.

        Do you want to pursue something more with your friend? If not, I’d just drop it.

        If you do, id tread carefully based on what you know of them and cautiously open deeper dialog on what they ment

  • Syl@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    10·
    7 days ago

    Maybe bisexual but heteroromantic?

    Romantic interest and sexual interest don’t always align.

  • whodatdair@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    101·
    7 days ago

    Honestly? It sounds like Ana is figuring herself out. I think maybe at this point you don’t need to 100% understand - keep in mind that she might not even know. I’d say don’t analyze it too hard, friendo.

    If she’s truly not into girls, eventually she’ll change her labels. But for now? I’d say be a bro and support whatever she decides to try. She’ll figure it out eventually.

    Sounds like you had a conversation with her about this already where you asked these questions? If I was in your shoes and I was friends with this person I’d consider apologizing to her for asking such pointed questions and share something about your journey with discovery of your own sexuality and share that those are the things that you worked through and that’s why you asked them. It’s very possible that the moment you asked those questions were the first time she considered them.

    I agree with the person who said they might be venturing out despite having most adults tell them that same sex attraction is bad. They might be feeling those feelings and denying them when asked directly. Be gentle.

  • i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    6·
    7 days ago

    There could be so many things.

    Maybe your friend finds women attractive but doesn’t really want to internalize it, but claims the label. I did that when I was young… I was told by many religious adults that I was confused. So I kind of carried that with me until I found my own way… Which includes me saying that vulvas were not attractive. (I most definitely do not think that.)

    Maybe she doesn’t actually like men at all and is trying to figure out which ones are attractive to her. (I did this when I was young. I tried not to be a lesbian so hard.)

    Or she has a certain type of women she likes. She could like em butch but she is mostly around femme women.

    Maybe she doesn’t have the vocabulary to describe her attraction to women if she is.

    Or maybe she has other reasons why she claims bisexuality, like she likes men and NB people.

    Maybe she’s struggling with her gender identity too, and these thoughts are bleeding into her feelings about her sexuality.

    Or she is confused about labels. Or she’s just experimenting with labels to see what fits.

    It’s really hard to guess, and all of the above is wild speculation. (Most would be rude to accuse her of or ask her about… Let her lead any of those conversations if it comes up.) At this point, it’s best to accept what she labels herself. Discovering is hard (and she sounds like she is in the thick of it) and gatekeeping makes it harder.

    • insomniacalmond@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      3·
      7 days ago

      Tysm, makes perfect sense. I haven’t brought it up to her but she did mention it in conversation. I’m just trying to understand but I haven’t and cannot tell her that she is straight or not.