My doctor won’t give it to me because of history of addiction. I told him I’d been thinking of finding another doctor and he said, “should be easy to find someone who doesn’t give a damn about the rest of your health so he can pocket your money. No matter what you say though, my answer is no because I care what happens to you.”

That makes it difficult to even think about it because the man really does care about me and it’s obvious. I wonder if we just have a different view about things, but he’s the professional.

Maybe he’s right though. I’ve been on suboxone for over a decade.

I just wish I could use my brain.

He agrees that I have adhd, but he is afraid I’ll abuse the medication.

I wish I hadn’t put myself in this position, but adhd might have helped me get here in the first place.

I’m good though. I really am. I just wish I could be better.