How to get out of an uncomfortable egg culture situation with this one simple trick.

Real talk: Calling people eggs is a violation of the egg prime directive, and is considered invalidating as you are trying to say that a person is not the gender they identify as, that their identity is invalid. Don’t call people eggs, like ever, it’s extremely uncool.

  • TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zoneMEnglish
    18·
    9 hours ago

    This isn’t an imaginary scenario. FtM femboys and cis femboys do need to deal with these things. I’ve seen it happen for years, and even as an egg who hatched into a transfem, it always made me uncomfortable. It felt like an external force taking away the decision from people and enforcing new norms. It did not help me accept myself in any way, but it did give me more doubts to deal with.

    There is no reason to do anything but affirm people’s stated gender. If someone is a trans medicalist gatekeeping other trans people, they are still their stated gender. If they are a troll identifying as an attack helicopter, consistently affirming their facetious identity is a great way to make them lose interest. If you think someone who identifies one way might be better fit by a different identity, an enby who might be binary or vice versa, keep that to yourself. If you somehow do know better than the person, denying will not have actually helped them, but increased the likelihood of them doubling down.

    All of that is to say that toxic egg culture is real and harmful. No identity is a terrible fate, only not having your autonomy doubted by the people who should welcome you. People define their own gender, end of story, end of discussion. No good comes of denying identities.

    • First Majestic Comet@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      1·
      51 minutes ago

      Unfortunately I don’t think this person is willing or able to listen, or they might even be arguing in bad faith. They seem to believe or are trying to spin the idea that toxic egg culture isn’t a thing and people are just trying to put down the idea of helping people who are questioning. Or worse, that it’s all just made up terf rhetoric. In my opinion their last two replies in this thread squashed any idea I had that they might be participating in good faith.

    • Lumelore (She/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      6·
      8 hours ago

      Yeah calling other people eggs I don’t think is ever a good idea, since like you mentioned, whatever someone’s gender is, they are valid, and it is entirely their own decision. I don’t entirely agree with the person you replied to because being a femboy is perfectly valid and not at all a “terrible fate,” although as someone who calls their past self an egg, I sympathize with them to a degree because I feel like I can’t call my own self an egg. Idk, maybe a new word is needed because of the toxicity associated with the word egg, but I’m unsure that that would actually fix anything.

      • First Majestic Comet@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
        4·
        7 hours ago

        I think the problem of egg culture is a deeper issue, it stems from the idea that one can make another person come out, or that a person’s identity can be “known” by others, even against that person’s identification. That last part is where the problem stems, “against that person’s identification”. Until and unless we can get over the idea that one can go against the way a person currently identifies, any new term we come up with to replace egg has the potential to be misused and abused in the same way.

        I understand that people can be in denial and that people can change their minds over time, but that is part of the process. The best one can do is to offer support and discuss the idea of gender to someone who might not understand. Without outright telling them they are wrong or that what they’re doing isn’t normal. Some people might say that that isn’t enough and that some people need force. But it’s their choice, and their life. If someone doesn’t want to open their mind or identify differently they have every right to dig in their heels. The idea they don’t is where and when it becomes toxic and where and when it largely stops being affirming.

        TL;DR A new term could help, but we have to get over and cease the current pushiness, or it too will become corrupted and abused in the same ways “egg” is.

        • Lumelore (She/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
          3·
          7 hours ago

          I fully agree with you here. Maybe it would be better to try to make it clear that egg is only for self referential use, unless the word egg is too corrupted to fix, in which case a new term is probably needed.

          • First Majestic Comet@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
            3·
            7 hours ago

            I’m not entirely sure if it is, it might be, but it also might be fine. It might just be a matter of changing people’s hearts and minds to think differently and use the word correctly. Which is why I think it’s better to try and make it clear it’s self-reference only, and that policing and labeling others is not tolerated.