Toilet paper forever more goes under. Suck it.

Everyone picks up a new random hobby every few months, spirals into self hatred about not being amazing at it with no practice or research, and adds another box of crap to the closet.

Everybody now plays Ultima Online, Quake 1, Doom 2, and works from home. Also, free transit and anything displaying sapience (or at least sentience) gets the same respect as anyone else

Everyone is frugal and likes (or is okay with) nitpicky, complicated things like PoE skill trees, taxes, and investing.

Petty and minor, huh?

• Dates are now YYYY-MM-DD (2025-02-25) for the short form, and dddd, YYYY mmmm DD (Tuesday, 2025 February 25) for the long form.

• Time is now written in 24-hour notation (14:44:41)

• The first paragraph in a section doesn’t have indentation, but all succeeding paragraphs do. For example:

  Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit.  Vestibulum quis velit aliquet, accumsan eros id, tincidunt lorem.  Integer ac arcu elit.  Sed efficitur mi vitae viverra egestas.  Quisque sed varius nisi.  Vestibulum in cursus diam.  Ut pharetra quis nibh at semper.  Integer dictum leo eu velit condimentum, a varius mi tempor.  Sed at nunc lacinia, consequat eros sed, fringilla quam.  Proin pulvinar ante ac ipsum suscipit dictum.  In libero augue, tristique iaculis libero in, bibendum eleifend massa.  Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas.  Suspendisse a risus non lacus pellentesque molestie congue non risus.  Quisque ut condimentum dui.
  
      Aenean dictum leo at commodo accumsan.  Vestibulum ullamcorper diam et arcu bibendum maximus.  Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit.  Suspendisse porta libero sed nisi aliquam volutpat.  Nam rutrum, odio quis ultricies blandit, elit metus pulvinar diam, non condimentum tellus arcu sed eros.  Praesent nunc tellus, aliquam vitae leo sed, pellentesque placerat ex.  Aenean tincidunt libero magna, sed sagittis neque facilisis id.  Vivamus quis lectus nunc.
  
      Donec lacinia, dolor sed eleifend volutpat, massa dui elementum risus, congue sagittis tortor sem sed neque.  Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas.  Pellentesque tempor risus arcu, a dapibus risus tristique in.  Ut sapien est, placerat ac lectus non, scelerisque feugiat nisi.  Nam nec luctus nibh.  Aenean id ultrices risus.  Phasellus magna enim, sodales sit amet nisi id, interdum interdum neque.  Sed scelerisque scelerisque lobortis.
  

• There are two spaces after a full stop, except when occurring at the end of a paragraph where there should be none.

• They will be used as a generic non-gendered pronoun and will be the default along with one. For example:

  • “Someone sent me an e-mail, but I am not sure they meant to send it to me.”
  • “Really, one should make sure the e-mail address is correct before sending an e-mail.”

• Functions that are called in other functions will be declared before any function that calls them.

• Functions should be around twenty lines long, and at most have three levels of nesting. Functions that are too long or have too much nesting should be revised and broken up into two or more functions.

• Code indentation (tabs) should be set to four spaces.

• Code will be formatted as follows.

  function (params) {
      // code
      }
  

EDIT:

Formatting

Pointless/Potentially Petty:

• You must always try to end going up/down stairs on your left foot. Left foot is king compared to the right foot, so it always lands flat when walking, whereas right foot lands on the heal and goes down.

• Games featuring anthro animals (think Sonic, Ratchet and Clank, or Brok the Investigator) are now games people will definitely be on the lookout for because anthro animal characters are amazing most of the time and I love anthro characters, as a furry.

• People will start self-censoring at the very least big tech company names like amaz•n or g••gle or fakebook or ex-twatter.

• “etc” or “etc.” dies to using etcetera. I just like it better that way as a personal preference.

Less Minor:

• Everyone gets to suffer trying to self-diagnose and fix their computer issues before going straight to IT. If I had to suffer nearly a week of staying after college courses in the library for a few hours trying to get Proton VPN (unsuccessfully) to work on my Linux running laptop before deciding to send an issue report, the rest of the world gets to try being their own IT for a little bit.

• Folders Folders Folders! Most every file of yours on your phone, desktop, laptop, etcetera, are organized into folders and subfolders. Don’t care if you wanna call them that or directories/subdirectories, but keep stuff at least somewhere organized. Especially music. Your music folder will be broken down by whoever the band is, what the singer is, what show it’s from, whatever, just so long as it’s fairly neatly organized, assuming you have music stored on your device.

• When it comes to cooking, it’s okay not to always measure everything out exactly if you are just cooking at home for friends or family. So long as you have enough for everyone, it’s okay not to be super precise, unlike with baking. Also, wooden spoons without round handles are completely banned for life. I hate them with a passion compared to rounded handled wooden spoons because I can’t rub the handle to mix if it ain’t round.

All you authors, columnists, and other motherfuckers not using the Oxford comma are now in big trouble.

there is no more light mode for anything at all

I’ll go for a serious answer.

When driving, particularly on freeways and highways, everyone must now leave a lot of space between them and the car ahead proportional to how fast they are going - even in heavy traffic. And they must allow a car that is signalling properly to merge into their lane. (But not like a bunch of cars at a time of course)

Everyone must also start to decelerate as soon as they see brake lights ahead or notice slowing, but they have more space (starting further back in the road), so won’t have to decelerate as strongly as the car ahead is and will reach a higher minimum speed or be stopped for less time when the car ahead starts accelerating again.

I believe this would mostly end stop-and-go traffic and smooth out all slow traffic (increasing fuel economy and reducing stress) by reducing/eliminating traffic waves. Probably even increase average speeds (but I’m less sure about that)

1. We eating chips and popcorn with chopsticks now.

You’re welcome for cleaner fingers and everything you touch with them.

2. Beer ain’t getting served without some sorta pickle.

3. Pets will be told about foods, walks, and treats in a foreign language as to prevent them getting excited about things they love during normal conversations

4. More ducks than chickens. Duck eggs are better, duck meat is better, duck fat is better than schmaltz

5. It’s now so wildly normal for men to wear crop tops

You’re fucking welcome

6. You’re getting paid for your commute time now. Your employer is covering tolls, transit passes etc.

Before pee, you HAVE to rub your hands. I don’t have OCD, it’s just a thing I have to do so you also have to as well.

Turn on your turn indicator, take a few seconds to check that the lane is clear, then proceed

Turn it off and on again before asking someone for help

Look up the word in the dictionary instead of just assuming you know what it means from context and usage

Everyone drives a car with one fucking seat.

Everyone must now put off literally EVERYTHING until the very last minute.

GOOD FUCKING BYE, JAVASCRIPT AND HTML!!!

Shine on, Gemini!