He’s my best friend. My brother from another mother. I think he’s in love with me. We’ve been through everything together: moving, debt, breakups, parties that ended in the hospital…
Having sex with him was weird at first, but over time I even got a taste for it. It’s not that I’m attracted to men, but with him there’s something different. Trust, chemistry, excitement… I don’t know. It’s not the same as with a woman, but it’s not bad either. It’s like a genre of its own.
The problem started when I met a girl.
We’ve been dating for two months; it’s not official, but the connection is incredible. Sex with her is different—more intense, more mine—and I feel less and less like recording with my friend. He notices. And it hurts him. He says things like, “Are you going to sleep with her again? You forgot about our business so quickly.”
Or worse:
“I don’t understand how you can be with me and her at the same time. If you like her so much, why do you keep hooking up with me?”
And that’s the problem. She’s not my girlfriend, so technically it’s not cheating, but he sees it as a betrayal. To him, if I’m with someone I care about, I shouldn’t keep having sex with them. But it’s not that black and white.
Yesterday we argued a lot. I told him I couldn’t demand exclusivity if we’re not even a couple, and he said,
“For you, it’s just sex, for me it’s not.”
That’s when I understood.
For me, it was always sex between friends (and a business). For him, it clearly wasn’t. And now everything is going to hell:
Our income is declining because we don’t record as much anymore.
Coexistence is tense; we used to laugh all the time, now she avoids looking at me.
She doesn’t know any of this (I won’t tell her).
But what I love most, It hurts because I’m losing my best friend.
I don’t want him to think I’m replacing him. I don’t want our business to ruin years of brotherhood. But I also don’t want to stop exploring my feelings with this girl. Last night he got drunk and said, “If you choose a girl you recently met over me, then you were never my brother.” How the hell do I respond to that???
Any advice? I’m between a rock and a hard place.
Him lashing out sounds like he’s externalizing his frustration that you’re not reciprocating his feelings. Why are you sexual with him? You clearly don’t feel infatuated with him, maybe you’re confusing infatuation in general with love? Especially from yourself as a basis for relationships.
“Technically it’s not cheating”, sorry dude if you have to prefix a cheating statement with technically you should rethink your behavior.
Stop sexing your bro? Stop cheating on him? Pick a side and stick with it. Nobody likes a wishy washy person.
I have sex with him on only fans, it’s work.
and she is also with other guys, it is not something formal
I have an open romantic relationship with a guy I’ve known for about a year. When other people have gotten involved it’s been awkward for us, but I know that it’s necessary to not limit ourselves to the same routines day after day. Then again, I’m mtf so and we’re all different.
You have been dating a woman for two months, yet you never mentioned any of that in any of your previous posts? Sounds weird.
You said “I have been dating” and then “she is not my girlfriend”. What is your definition of dating?
It’s not that hard to understand, she and I are getting to know each other and we’re fucking, but we’re not dating.
In your OP, you clearly say “We’ve been dating for two months;”… Now, you tell me that you are not dating…