What does “being a man” mean today? “As little as possible,” shrugs Ami Rubiés, 18, from Cambridgeshire, who does not find the term useful. “I guess I see the whole concept as sort of redundant.”His friend Rae Baxter, who is about to leave for freshers week at the University of Liverpool, has a much
I’m old at this point (39) so I’m not going to pretend to really know the thoughts of young dudes. However, I still feel “strong and stoic” is still the societal and possibly more important dating scene preference.
I think society and women still do outwardly show a preference for a strong and a “tough it out” man. Even if it’s not fully true I still think it’s true enough for young men to see it and think that is what will get them a partner.
It’s for sure better than it was 20 years ago and FOR SURE better than 40 years ago. Just saying that I still think were pretty far from the finish line.
Are they crying too much? Being too vulnerable? Too angry?
I mean, make someone hide their emotions for decades and they are probably going to let out a couple decades worth when they are told they can. But it seems like men are told “let out your emotions” and then when they do “not like that!”
No. It means that many men use the women they have relationships with as their only emotional support, and often expect them to be therapists as well as partners.
Your partner cannot be your only emotional support or the only person you share all your struggles with, with the expectation of their constant and undivided full support and guidance.
It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, it’s not behaviour compatible with good relationships.
There’s a difference between expressing emotion in general and expecting a random friend to be able to deal with your emotions and help you. Obviously you should help your friends with their emotions, and they should help you with yours, but sometimes, especially if you have a persistent problem, expecting a friend to go over similar emotions frequently (which usually means the friend gets upset too, if they care about you) can be an unfair imposition.
I haven’t met any of the “a lot of guys” who don’t get this, but I don’t really doubt they exist, since both working through emotions and respectfully negotiating boundaries can be difficult.
I’m old at this point (39) so I’m not going to pretend to really know the thoughts of young dudes. However, I still feel “strong and stoic” is still the societal and possibly more important dating scene preference.
I think society and women still do outwardly show a preference for a strong and a “tough it out” man. Even if it’s not fully true I still think it’s true enough for young men to see it and think that is what will get them a partner.
It’s for sure better than it was 20 years ago and FOR SURE better than 40 years ago. Just saying that I still think were pretty far from the finish line.
I think a lot of guys still don’t understand the difference between showing emotion and using people as emotional dumping grounds.
What does that even mean?
Are they crying too much? Being too vulnerable? Too angry?
I mean, make someone hide their emotions for decades and they are probably going to let out a couple decades worth when they are told they can. But it seems like men are told “let out your emotions” and then when they do “not like that!”
A single teardrop forms around a man’s eye…
Oh lawd he trauma dumping again!
Probably this.
No. It means that many men use the women they have relationships with as their only emotional support, and often expect them to be therapists as well as partners.
Both statements are not mutually exclusive.
Oh, so men don’t need to be emotionally supportive of their wives since they have other people?
Good to know!
That’s not what I said and you know it.
Your partner cannot be your only emotional support or the only person you share all your struggles with, with the expectation of their constant and undivided full support and guidance.
It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, it’s not behaviour compatible with good relationships.
You’re basically saying that a lot of marriages are shams.
Well, you’re right.
Kind of is, though.
If by good you mean codependent
There’s a difference between expressing emotion in general and expecting a random friend to be able to deal with your emotions and help you. Obviously you should help your friends with their emotions, and they should help you with yours, but sometimes, especially if you have a persistent problem, expecting a friend to go over similar emotions frequently (which usually means the friend gets upset too, if they care about you) can be an unfair imposition.
I haven’t met any of the “a lot of guys” who don’t get this, but I don’t really doubt they exist, since both working through emotions and respectfully negotiating boundaries can be difficult.
Holding in your emotions for decades is your problem not others. Regardless of the reasons. Others didn’t do anything to receive such abuse.
Ah thanks for proving the point.
Weird because I never said men can’t show emotion
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