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I think a lot about how we as a culture have turned ā€œforeverā€ into the only acceptable definition of success.

Like… if you open a coffee shop and run it for a while and it makes you happy but then stuff gets too expensive and stressful and you want to do something else so you close it, it’s a ā€œfailedā€ business. If you write a book or two, then decide that you don’t actually want to keep doing that, you’re a ā€œfailedā€ writer. If you marry someone, and that marriage is good for a while, and then stops working and you get divorced, it’s a ā€œfailedā€ marriage.

The only acceptable ā€œwin conditionā€ is ā€œyou keep doing that thing foreverā€. A friendship that lasts for a few years but then its time is done and you move on is considered less valuable or not a ā€œrealā€ friendship. A hobby that you do for a while and then are done with is a ā€œphaseā€ - or, alternatively, a ā€œpityā€ that you don’t do that thing any more. A fandom is ā€œdyingā€ because people have had a lot of fun with it but are now moving on to other things.

| just think that something can be good, and also end, and that thing was still good. And it’s okay to be sad that it ended, too. But the idea that anything that ends is automatically less than this hypothetical eternal state of success… I don’t think that’s doing us any good at all.

  • Whelks_chance@lemmy.world
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    12 hours ago

    Isn’t this more about things falling apart when the person wanted to continue doing it? If I want to run a shop but it doesn’t work financially, then my plan has failed.

    • blarghly@lemmy.world
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      9 hours ago

      Yeah, the OOP is a serious cope. They are basically saying ā€œnothing is ever a failure in the world of unicorn sprinkles, weeeeee!ā€ They are invalidating people’s negative emotions about failure by trying to reframe it - but this is the behavior of narcissists who never want to admit they have failed at anything.

      It’s okay to fail. It sucks. It hurts. It happens. That’s life. Accept it, learn from it, and move on.

      • Clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        4 hours ago

        It’s a failure if it’s your experience and you think you failed. You don’t get to say others failed if they feel otherwise about their own experience.

        You have no idea what narcissism means even if you’re using it in the colloquial form with is almost meaningless at this point. A narcissist wouldn’t put the question up for debate.

        You pretending you get to decide how others should feel about anything is fucking ridiculous.

        • shoo@lemmy.world
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          17 minutes ago

          If someone says ā€œI really wanted to keep my bakery open but the books didn’t balanceā€ it’s a failed business. If someone says ā€œI had a goal to get a book published but I could never get it acceptedā€ they’re a failed writer.

          Yes, they could have just gotten bored or stressed or retired or life happened, but that’s not the same thing. When someone set out to do something with their best effort but couldn’t, they failed.

          Failing to do something isn’t shameful and it doesn’t devalue you. It doesn’t even mean you’ll never be able to do it (go start a new business, write another book, have a happy second marriage). You’re only a failure if you let yourself be one, nobody can tell you to feel anything.

          OOPs post isn’t healthy because it validates the fear of failure with mental gymnastics. Sometimes you fail and you just gotta work through it, you can’t put your all into something and shrug it off at the same time.

    • AFK BRB Chocolate@lemmy.world
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      11 hours ago

      Yeah, I think you’re right here: it’s all about intent. If someone starts a business, it does well, but then they end it because they want to do something else, is not a failure. If they wanted the business to keep going, but people weren’t buying enough of their product to keep the doors open, that’s a failure.

      You could do the same with any of the examples. It’s not a failure if the people are happy to stop or it lasted as long as could reasonably be expected, but if it ends before the people wanted it to, that’s a failure. The rocket that lifts its payload to orbit, then shuts off and falls back to earth is a success. But no one says ā€œWell, the rocket ran great halfway to the planned orbit, so even though it and the payload fell back to earth, it was successful.ā€

    • Damage@feddit.it
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      11 hours ago

      Yeah, most of his examples really don’t work. As long as you make more money than you put in, any business is successful, and if you terminate it without going bankrupt or accruing debt, it’s not failed, it’s just closed. Same for a writer, you write a couple of books, they sell enough to cover the costs, then stop because you don’t care anymore, nobody’s gonna call you failed.

    • TrickDacy@lemmy.world
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      9 hours ago

      Yes, that. And also the point of marriage is to be forever. Like that’s the idea of it to begin with.

    • I Cast FistOP
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      12 hours ago

      If they end up starting again the same business, then I guess it could be seen that way. But if they just decide to move on without feeling like it was wasted time and try new things, ā€œhow long it lastedā€ shouldn’t be the only metric of whether it was a success

      • Rolder@reddthat.com
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        11 hours ago

        I feel like with the business example, you could sell it and move on. No matter what happens to the business afterwards, you are fine.

        That said I’d agree it depends on the circumstances. Want to keep going but can’t because <reason> = failed. Could keep going but decide not to, not failed.