SOURCE - https://brightwanderer.tumblr.com/post/681806049845608448
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I think a lot about how we as a culture have turned āforeverā into the only acceptable definition of success.
Likeā¦ if you open a coffee shop and run it for a while and it makes you happy but then stuff gets too expensive and stressful and you want to do something else so you close it, itās a āfailedā business. If you write a book or two, then decide that you donāt actually want to keep doing that, youāre a āfailedā writer. If you marry someone, and that marriage is good for a while, and then stops working and you get divorced, itās a āfailedā marriage.
The only acceptable āwin conditionā is āyou keep doing that thing foreverā. A friendship that lasts for a few years but then its time is done and you move on is considered less valuable or not a ārealā friendship. A hobby that you do for a while and then are done with is a āphaseā - or, alternatively, a āpityā that you donāt do that thing any more. A fandom is ādyingā because people have had a lot of fun with it but are now moving on to other things.
| just think that something can be good, and also end, and that thing was still good. And itās okay to be sad that it ended, too. But the idea that anything that ends is automatically less than this hypothetical eternal state of successā¦ I donāt think thatās doing us any good at all.
Isnāt this more about things falling apart when the person wanted to continue doing it? If I want to run a shop but it doesnāt work financially, then my plan has failed.
Yeah, I think youāre right here: itās all about intent. If someone starts a business, it does well, but then they end it because they want to do something else, is not a failure. If they wanted the business to keep going, but people werenāt buying enough of their product to keep the doors open, thatās a failure.
You could do the same with any of the examples. Itās not a failure if the people are happy to stop or it lasted as long as could reasonably be expected, but if it ends before the people wanted it to, thatās a failure. The rocket that lifts its payload to orbit, then shuts off and falls back to earth is a success. But no one says āWell, the rocket ran great halfway to the planned orbit, so even though it and the payload fell back to earth, it was successful.ā
Yeah, most of his examples really donāt work. As long as you make more money than you put in, any business is successful, and if you terminate it without going bankrupt or accruing debt, itās not failed, itās just closed. Same for a writer, you write a couple of books, they sell enough to cover the costs, then stop because you donāt care anymore, nobodyās gonna call you failed.
Yeah, the OOP is a serious cope. They are basically saying ānothing is ever a failure in the world of unicorn sprinkles, weeeeee!ā They are invalidating peopleās negative emotions about failure by trying to reframe it - but this is the behavior of narcissists who never want to admit they have failed at anything.
Itās okay to fail. It sucks. It hurts. It happens. Thatās life. Accept it, learn from it, and move on.
Itās a failure if itās your experience and you think you failed. You donāt get to say others failed if they feel otherwise about their own experience.
You have no idea what narcissism means even if youāre using it in the colloquial form with is almost meaningless at this point. A narcissist wouldnāt put the question up for debate.
You pretending you get to decide how others should feel about anything is fucking ridiculous.
If someone says āI really wanted to keep my bakery open but the books didnāt balanceā itās a failed business. If someone says āI had a goal to get a book published but I could never get it acceptedā theyāre a failed writer.
Yes, they could have just gotten bored or stressed or retired or life happened, but thatās not the same thing. When someone set out to do something with their best effort but couldnāt, they failed.
Failing to do something isnāt shameful and it doesnāt devalue you. It doesnāt even mean youāll never be able to do it (go start a new business, write another book, have a happy second marriage). Youāre only a failure if you let yourself be one, nobody can tell you to feel anything.
OOPs post isnāt healthy because it validates the fear of failure with mental gymnastics. Sometimes you fail and you just gotta work through it, you canāt put your all into something and shrug it off at the same time.
Yes, that. And also the point of marriage is to be forever. Like thatās the idea of it to begin with.
If they end up starting again the same business, then I guess it could be seen that way. But if they just decide to move on without feeling like it was wasted time and try new things, āhow long it lastedā shouldnāt be the only metric of whether it was a success
I feel like with the business example, you could sell it and move on. No matter what happens to the business afterwards, you are fine.
That said Iād agree it depends on the circumstances. Want to keep going but canāt because <reason> = failed. Could keep going but decide not to, not failed.
Iām not sure what youāre asking hereā¦