Liquid 🅱️ass

High school :P

(names changed from originals) I don’t want to reveal too much, however I was working for a company that handled some government contracts, in America. Worked in an unmarked location and all that.
Security was often quite tight, we weren’t even allowed any item capable of recording anything (people had been fired after accidentally bringing a pen, they didn’t search us unless necessary so probably they put it on their desk). As an example.

I was in a rush to get to work, and over the weekend my girlfriend at the time bought the Liquid Ass spray bottle. She saw it online and thought it would be a good prank, though we read that it needs to be in a ventilated space and we stuck to this.
I accidentally forgot to empty one pocket, and it contained the spray.

I’m sat at my cubicle, which is joined with a few others as part of a team. Coincidentally on the same day, systems went down and since we were technically being paid ‘to fill seats’ (as my manager put it), we usually sat around chatting until the servers came back online.
I nudge Larry and say I’ve got this and don’t know what to do, “should I tell someone? It’s an honest mistake!”

Others are curious about it and I tell them what it is, some folks heard of it before, and Larry just says “don’t worry about it” and takes the small bottle from me. He walks off to the toilets - I should mention that the entrance/exit to the male toilets was in clear sight of where our desks were placed.
I figured he was just going to throw it in a bin, but no.
Larry returns with a big smile, and meanwhile I’m telling everyone things like “you’re only supposed to spray it once or twi- Larry… What did you do…”

Twelve fucking sprays in an enclosed mens toilets.

It’s at this moment I noticed Jay isn’t at his seat.
At some point during the initial explanation, it seems Jay got up and… Went to the toilet, in the stall bit.
He walks back, eyes wide open, and man it took hours for him to talk to us again, but he found it funny.

They all took turns with it over the course of a few months. Waiting for people to use the cubicle, then spraying a bit and walking out, to watch people wincing as they left.

We stopped after a floor manager made an emergency announcement, to the entire floor and all teams, and I believe these were his words, etched into my memory, in the hardest most Southernest of Southern American accents:
“I just went to the toilets and… Somethin’ there don’t smell right! If anyone needs to go to the hospital, please, come to me and I will take you in con-fi-dence! Whatevers in there ain’t right!”

We had to stop also because, during the whole announcement thing, I was under my desk unable to breath from trying to keep my laughter at bay.

i really should have been fired. The amount of laughter it produced should have been outright illegal.

oh yea no i get tje funi, i was talkn bout the actual vid…, didn watch it