Good question. Been in therapy for the upteenth time for depression and anxiety. Also recently had a son and immediately went into a mental breakdown. Addiction and trust issues (my fault) in my marriage also was weighing on me heavily. Worked through a lot of childhood trauma that was unrelated (as far as I can remember) and felt like there was still something at my core that I still hated about myself?

Never felt like I could actually love myself or even care about myself. Even when my wife was begging for me to talk to her about how I was feeling. I felt like I was expressing my feelings to her,but they never matched up to reality. She knew there was more to it before I did. I just thought life was about being miserable.

Got to a point where I accepted the fact that I was going to die young and the best version of me was to give my all to my family while I could. I burned myself to the ground trying to be an “ideal man” for my family and just thought I wasn’t good enough to be alive.

I’ve never felt like I could be genuinely happy with myself.

Now I realize it’s because I’m not supposed to be a man. I just wish I realized that as a teenager when i was experimenting and not a decade later with serious self destructive qualities.

So all of that boiled to a head as I was scrolling through egg_irl and laughing at the memes and then realized “fuck, this is me isn’t it?”

Then I googled the big looming question.

How do I know if I’m trans?