I am, or at least was, in a similar camp. I never felt dysphoric as a man, but I felt gender envy towards women. How beautiful, strong, and courageous they are. I thought I was satisfied being a man, but the more I tried on skirts in the privacy of my room at 3am during the pandemic or sloppily applied makeup because I just wanted to try it out, the more I realized I had stepped too far over the line and didn’t want to go back.
I thought I could inch forward, start HRT but still present masculine. Then I wore a dress to a new year’s party with a handful of friends, someone asked if I wanted to be called she/her which broke me. I stepped over the line too far and realized I was too happy to step back.
Not everyone has this experience, and I don’t regret my time spent as a man but do look back at old pictures and think, “There’s so much that person had yet to discover.”
PhilosophyTube on YT said something similar in her video about coming out. Referring to her transition more like a job that isn’t bad, provides a lot of comfort and security, but the more you work that job the more it takes a toll. I don’t think I entirely relate to her, but she offers a perspective that’s also different than “feeling born in the wrong body.”
Additionally, I started dating someone back in early college who called me out on being an egg like 7 years before I transitioned. We didn’t remain together for reasons I won’t get into, but I talked to them recently for the first time in a while and they gloated so hard about that callout.
I am, or at least was, in a similar camp. I never felt dysphoric as a man, but I felt gender envy towards women. How beautiful, strong, and courageous they are. I thought I was satisfied being a man, but the more I tried on skirts in the privacy of my room at 3am during the pandemic or sloppily applied makeup because I just wanted to try it out, the more I realized I had stepped too far over the line and didn’t want to go back.
I thought I could inch forward, start HRT but still present masculine. Then I wore a dress to a new year’s party with a handful of friends, someone asked if I wanted to be called she/her which broke me. I stepped over the line too far and realized I was too happy to step back.
Not everyone has this experience, and I don’t regret my time spent as a man but do look back at old pictures and think, “There’s so much that person had yet to discover.”
PhilosophyTube on YT said something similar in her video about coming out. Referring to her transition more like a job that isn’t bad, provides a lot of comfort and security, but the more you work that job the more it takes a toll. I don’t think I entirely relate to her, but she offers a perspective that’s also different than “feeling born in the wrong body.”
Additionally, I started dating someone back in early college who called me out on being an egg like 7 years before I transitioned. We didn’t remain together for reasons I won’t get into, but I talked to them recently for the first time in a while and they gloated so hard about that callout.