āI donāt have gender dysphoria, I just feel like shit all the time, constantly imagine myself as a different sex, and would do anything to make that happen. But like, I donāt qualify as transā
Mind you back when I was doing this I was mostly just terrified of RLE and being denied hrt over my sexual orientation, both of which were real possibilities (though drastically lessening over my teenage years)
Oh yeah Iām old lol. RLE is short for Real Life Experience. The long and short of it is many therapists used to make you live as your identified gender full time for a period of time before they would write you a letter of recommendation to start hormones. And back then you couldnāt get hormones without that letter, it acted as a diagnosis of gender dysphoria. The rise of the modern informed consent model is something I transitioned during about 11 years ago and it was kinda a huge deal.
But yeah as an old comic I spent too long looking for before deciding I probably shouldnāt link it anyways said, RLE more or less functioned as hazing for trans people by the medical establishment. Even as late as the early 10s you might be denied hormones for not transitioning to hetero (or bi depending on the therapist) or for not dressing exaggeratedly enough (in the mid teens a friend got refused a letter because she didnāt wear makeup or skirts to appointments).
I actually had that happen with my therapist, I refused to do so until they caved in. I wore a skirt and lipstick to appointments online, even though Iād normally not have done so. I hate having to put myself into an arbitrary box because others are narrowminded.
I wanted to do the RLE only accompanying with hormones (and even then, I felt the RLE shouldnāt be a thing and is a barrier to push for being harassed). I felt it too scary to be dressed in an affirming way while I still looked the āwrong gender for my clothesā (and I thought itād give me harassment). Women get harassed regardless of what they dress, so I didnāt want to imagine what it would be like, appearing masc still and having to dress feminine. I want to do that at my own pace, thankyouverymuch.
I think that thatās why itās so important to let people decide for themselves. The hormones should be over the counter and people should be able to try them out for at least a few months, with informed consent.
When I finally got the hormones, that was such BIG relief honestly. I nowadays manage to pass more and more and get gendered right, so Iām very happy about that.
Yeah I lucked out and had a decent therapist. I was afraid to shave my denial beard until Iād started hormones because everyone was going to ask about it (Iād been incredibly vocal about it during my egg days, it also hid my face from me). I wanted to be too late to stop when I came out. And yeah dressing feminine while masculine looking is fucking scary, and itās even scarier to do it as a trans woman who canāt just brush it off as āfuck you and fuck gender expectations thatās whyā or as a gag. I also was very uncomfortable because my experiments with feminine clothing had been extremely dysphoria inducing. It served as a reminder that my body wasnāt the way I wanted, and I was too broke for stuff like breast forms. Add in that I was young enough to get some huge changes if I could get hrt ASAP (I actually managed to get on before my hip bones fused).
If hrt had been available over the counter I probably wouldāve started it before Iād even called to make an appointment. Hell my state barely even had hrt doctors back at that time.
Hell I didnāt learn makeup aside from eyeliner until I was recovering from bottom surgery
To be fair, my therapist place is chill too, but on that one regard they were a bit stuck. Itās unfortunate as theyāre one of the best in the country for this stuff.
Also, heh, yeah, the denial beardā¦ I had that too, and exercised extra for the masculine muscles in denial.
I also was very uncomfortable because my experiments with feminine clothing had been extremely dysphoria inducing. It served as a reminder that my body wasnāt the way I wanted, and I was too broke for stuff like breast forms
Yeah exactly, I had the same! I felt like dressing femme while still looking masculine, was like an extra slap in the face that it still didnāt āmatchā. It was nice, but it was at the same timeā¦ yeah no.
For the breast forms, hugs. I wouldāve gotten them for you - I have some that I no longer need.
And god, Iām jealous - you got the hrt before the hip bones fused?? Damn. I actually considered HRT when I was 23 (thatās at the border), but unfortunately I wasnāt sure whether my family wouldāve been accepting. In hindsight they were, but god, I waited too longā¦ though better late than never. I unironically would consider hip and pelvic widening surgery if that existed.
And yeah same, Iād have started HRT before even appointing if it were over the counter. Fuck the cistem.
I did learn to do makeup, but I donāt bother with eyeliner myself because I find it a hassle. Lipstick and mascara, maybe some foundation, and thatās it for me, basically.
Oh absolutely and sorry if I was kinda downery about it, I had it easy, not as easy as some, but those who came before did important work. I just think as someone who transitioned in a different time itās important to not let our history be forgotten, especially as many who experienced it learned to be less loud about it
Well, I do feel like shit all the time, but I donāt have gender dysphoria. My life is just shit, because Iām a minority (not trans).
Edit: I imagine dysphoria is way worse and it probably is.
If youāre a cis straight neurotypical white male, strongly consider not (formally or medically) changing that. Repression exists, and depending on the political situation in your home country, also genocide.
I wouldnāt add another excuse for repression to my medical file, Iām fucked enough as only an Autistic.
Well youāre a bit late as I havenāt had a dick in a few years lol. But yeah itās brutally difficult to be trans and also my life is so much better as I donāt have an underlying misery and hiding my self hate of my body anymore. I donāt even hate it at all anymore
Idk if youāre also a young millennial, but yeah in my teenage years I secretly devoured content about trans people (especially women) where I saw it and given that that was the latter half of the 00s when the internet was finally connecting communities more broadly and when trans healthcare was going through its shifts away from those systems towards the more āhey theyāll just tell us what we need to hear so letās just do informed consent and save everyone some troubleā period. This means I got a weird mix of advice, and you know Susanās place was Susanās place. So I was afraid I might have to cut everyone off to start a new life (and thus I alienated loved ones for a while), and I knew the old advice to wait until the dysphoria is so bad itās ātransition or suicideā so I waited until that was the case, which only cost me a year or two, but it wasnāt good for me.
I still remember the first time I saw a trans woman like me on the internet, one who didnāt feel the need to be overly performative in her femininity, but could just be a person. I couldnāt hold my egg together after seeing her, and I went from āsure I might transition somedayā to ābut am I actually a trans woman, and when will I transitionā within a week. The early 10s were a wild and exciting time.
Yeah, I had the same. I used to think you need to wear skirts all the time to be fem, but a therapist told me, just look at what cis women dress. Then I realised, they donāt do skirts all the time eitherā¦ so I was very relieved and felt liberated. That helped me to transition.
āI donāt have gender dysphoria, I just feel like shit all the time, constantly imagine myself as a different sex, and would do anything to make that happen. But like, I donāt qualify as transā
Mind you back when I was doing this I was mostly just terrified of RLE and being denied hrt over my sexual orientation, both of which were real possibilities (though drastically lessening over my teenage years)
I apologize for my ignorance, but whatās RLE?
Oh yeah Iām old lol. RLE is short for Real Life Experience. The long and short of it is many therapists used to make you live as your identified gender full time for a period of time before they would write you a letter of recommendation to start hormones. And back then you couldnāt get hormones without that letter, it acted as a diagnosis of gender dysphoria. The rise of the modern informed consent model is something I transitioned during about 11 years ago and it was kinda a huge deal.
But yeah as an old comic I spent too long looking for before deciding I probably shouldnāt link it anyways said, RLE more or less functioned as hazing for trans people by the medical establishment. Even as late as the early 10s you might be denied hormones for not transitioning to hetero (or bi depending on the therapist) or for not dressing exaggeratedly enough (in the mid teens a friend got refused a letter because she didnāt wear makeup or skirts to appointments).
I actually had that happen with my therapist, I refused to do so until they caved in. I wore a skirt and lipstick to appointments online, even though Iād normally not have done so. I hate having to put myself into an arbitrary box because others are narrowminded.
I wanted to do the RLE only accompanying with hormones (and even then, I felt the RLE shouldnāt be a thing and is a barrier to push for being harassed). I felt it too scary to be dressed in an affirming way while I still looked the āwrong gender for my clothesā (and I thought itād give me harassment). Women get harassed regardless of what they dress, so I didnāt want to imagine what it would be like, appearing masc still and having to dress feminine. I want to do that at my own pace, thankyouverymuch.
I think that thatās why itās so important to let people decide for themselves. The hormones should be over the counter and people should be able to try them out for at least a few months, with informed consent.
When I finally got the hormones, that was such BIG relief honestly. I nowadays manage to pass more and more and get gendered right, so Iām very happy about that.
Yeah I lucked out and had a decent therapist. I was afraid to shave my denial beard until Iād started hormones because everyone was going to ask about it (Iād been incredibly vocal about it during my egg days, it also hid my face from me). I wanted to be too late to stop when I came out. And yeah dressing feminine while masculine looking is fucking scary, and itās even scarier to do it as a trans woman who canāt just brush it off as āfuck you and fuck gender expectations thatās whyā or as a gag. I also was very uncomfortable because my experiments with feminine clothing had been extremely dysphoria inducing. It served as a reminder that my body wasnāt the way I wanted, and I was too broke for stuff like breast forms. Add in that I was young enough to get some huge changes if I could get hrt ASAP (I actually managed to get on before my hip bones fused).
If hrt had been available over the counter I probably wouldāve started it before Iād even called to make an appointment. Hell my state barely even had hrt doctors back at that time.
Hell I didnāt learn makeup aside from eyeliner until I was recovering from bottom surgery
To be fair, my therapist place is chill too, but on that one regard they were a bit stuck. Itās unfortunate as theyāre one of the best in the country for this stuff.
Also, heh, yeah, the denial beardā¦ I had that too, and exercised extra for the masculine muscles in denial.
Yeah exactly, I had the same! I felt like dressing femme while still looking masculine, was like an extra slap in the face that it still didnāt āmatchā. It was nice, but it was at the same timeā¦ yeah no. For the breast forms, hugs. I wouldāve gotten them for you - I have some that I no longer need.
And god, Iām jealous - you got the hrt before the hip bones fused?? Damn. I actually considered HRT when I was 23 (thatās at the border), but unfortunately I wasnāt sure whether my family wouldāve been accepting. In hindsight they were, but god, I waited too longā¦ though better late than never. I unironically would consider hip and pelvic widening surgery if that existed.
And yeah same, Iād have started HRT before even appointing if it were over the counter. Fuck the cistem.
I did learn to do makeup, but I donāt bother with eyeliner myself because I find it a hassle. Lipstick and mascara, maybe some foundation, and thatās it for me, basically.
Thank you for explaining.
Iām sorry you had to struggle.
Iām glad that (if I understand correctly and please let me know if I donāt) that you get to be you.
Oh absolutely and sorry if I was kinda downery about it, I had it easy, not as easy as some, but those who came before did important work. I just think as someone who transitioned in a different time itās important to not let our history be forgotten, especially as many who experienced it learned to be less loud about it
Please donāt apologize.
History is important for everyone to remember, I agree.
Well, I do feel like shit all the time, but I donāt have gender dysphoria. My life is just shit, because Iām a minority (not trans). Edit: I imagine dysphoria is way worse and it probably is.
If youāre a cis straight neurotypical white male, strongly consider not (formally or medically) changing that. Repression exists, and depending on the political situation in your home country, also genocide.
I wouldnāt add another excuse for repression to my medical file, Iām fucked enough as only an Autistic.
Well youāre a bit late as I havenāt had a dick in a few years lol. But yeah itās brutally difficult to be trans and also my life is so much better as I donāt have an underlying misery and hiding my self hate of my body anymore. I donāt even hate it at all anymore
Literally my development
Idk if youāre also a young millennial, but yeah in my teenage years I secretly devoured content about trans people (especially women) where I saw it and given that that was the latter half of the 00s when the internet was finally connecting communities more broadly and when trans healthcare was going through its shifts away from those systems towards the more āhey theyāll just tell us what we need to hear so letās just do informed consent and save everyone some troubleā period. This means I got a weird mix of advice, and you know Susanās place was Susanās place. So I was afraid I might have to cut everyone off to start a new life (and thus I alienated loved ones for a while), and I knew the old advice to wait until the dysphoria is so bad itās ātransition or suicideā so I waited until that was the case, which only cost me a year or two, but it wasnāt good for me.
I still remember the first time I saw a trans woman like me on the internet, one who didnāt feel the need to be overly performative in her femininity, but could just be a person. I couldnāt hold my egg together after seeing her, and I went from āsure I might transition somedayā to ābut am I actually a trans woman, and when will I transitionā within a week. The early 10s were a wild and exciting time.
This is so relatable, thank you for posting.
Yeah, I had the same. I used to think you need to wear skirts all the time to be fem, but a therapist told me, just look at what cis women dress. Then I realised, they donāt do skirts all the time eitherā¦ so I was very relieved and felt liberated. That helped me to transition.