i wrote this in a rush…
so i’m polyamorous. i’m 15 years old and a girl. i go by “jessica” on here, which obviously isn’t my real name but its what you can call me on this account. at a therapy group center, i met this other polyamorous dude “avery” (m16). at first, i was 13 and didn’t know he was polyamorous, so when we connected really fast and he mentioned his girlfriend all of a sudden, i was sad but gave up and just wanted to be his friend.
our therapist, “miss alex” (all fake names so they are in quotes) left as she was having a baby, then got another job or decided to be a stay-at-home mom, i forgot which. avery left the group a while before.
one time, i was in the waiting room and i saw him with a group of other teens, but i decided not to say anything. im faceblind and did not know whether that was him or not.
well, some time after, i was sitting pretty close but not right next to him, and i could clearly see that was the avery i knew. he recognized me and we finally exchanged social media usernames.
we became close. here’s the thing: i found out he was polyamorous but he had a boyfriend, “david” (m16). he asked me if i wanted to, and i said yeah, and he said he would check in with david and finally tell him he was polyamorous. david supported him but wanted to be monogamous.
well, a month or two ago, they broke up. about 3 weeks ago, avery confessed to me finally when i joined his group again, and i realized i was so sad about him and david being together but happy for them because i was jealous and wanted to be the one for him.
now we are together. sometimes, he’s busy with other things or just reads the messages and doesn’t respond. sometimes, i get scared i text too much since i’ve been insulted and had mean things said to me from that, but the rational part of my brain says i’ve known him for like 3 years and for over a year fully, and he would not do that. he’s always been respectful and loving even as a friend.
but i have an anxious attachment i’m trying to work on. my attachments are different depending on the partner and i for some reason always am more “secure” around girls and more “anxious” around boys, though i used to be avoidant.
shdhdhdhjdjjdjdjdjdjdj
You must log in or # to comment.
When I got obsessed with my partner, I got super clingy and needy, which eventually turned them off and drove them away. I would not suggest doing this.
Instead, I suggest:
- Communicating how you are feeling to your partner. Communicating how you are feeling at any particular moment allows them to understand your motivations and actions, and can allow them to support you. Remember, if you are in a relationship with someone, you are on the same team - what would you do if your partner was your teammate in the shared goal of “everyone feels happy and supported”?
- Taking responsibility for your own emotions. Of course, having a partner can be a great support in navigating difficult emotions - but at the end of the day, they are your emotions, and therefore, your responsibility. Blaming your partner for “making” you feel a certain way, coercing them into doing things in order to help you feel more secure, or resenting them for not supporting you “appropriately” are all bad tactics for a happy long-term relationship.
- Actually do the work of handling your difficult emotions. You say you are already in therapy, and that’s great. Do whatever works for you. What seems to work for me is simply noticing when I am feeling an unpleasant emotion, and then calmly and quietly accepting that I feel that way without judgement. Over time, I become less and less affected by that emotion and the things that trigger it.
