uncountable, all i can say is that i just don’t view cis men as potential partners anymore
Abuse. So many people I’ve dated were abusers. It’s absolutely rampant in the trans community.
I’m a dv outreach worker and I’ve read a fuckton of research into LGBT DA. It’s waaaayyyyy worse than people think it is, and trans+ people suffering it are unsurprisingly far less likely to ask for help. The abuse is often targeted on them being trans as well, verbal comments, outing, destroying chest binders etc… or blaming their behaviour on the effects of their transition. It’s really awful
Part of the problem is that our true names are often different to our legal names, and we often have relationships online. So in that situation, there’s very little the police and the courts can do about abuse. Now, I don’t believe the police and courts are an effective way of preventing crime, but they’re often the best we have. Which means trans people in online relationships don’t face very many consequences for doing crimes. Thus, one of the many causes of the problem.
Yep!
Sadly I can back this up with my own experiences. Both my current girlfriend and I both went through an abusive relationship with a trans woman in the past year.
Part of the problem is that we don’t have many elders in the community to model proper behaviour. They were murdered. Murdered by inaction on the AIDS crisis, by the gay panic defence, by lack of access to healthcare. The average new person in the community is a 20 year old getting advice on proper behaviour from other 20 year olds. Now that’s great for validating their gender identity, but it’s not so good for teaching respect in a relationship. We’ve got a bunch of traumatised kids making horrible mistakes and doubling down on them.
I don’t date, so I can’t speak from first-person experience.
This isn’t the most common issue, but a complaint I’ve heard that still tumbles around in my head was how few men on the dating scene were into reading books.
Probably the most common issue I hear from others is that all the “good ones” were taken and there are no good single people left to date.
I hear this from both men and women, and it’s usually from people in a >25 age range, i.e. ages when most people have already paired up and married and had kids, so the dating pool is either full of “discards” (people who failed to find someone to pair up with at the “appropriate age”) or people with a history of failed relationships - in general, the available people are all the people who are not promising relationship material because the “good ones” are already taken.
I’m 29 and I definitely would not date a 21.5 or a 44 year old.
I’m 60.
37 year old man? Do I look like I want a baby? I failed to procreate specifically to avoid having a baby in my life! 83 year old man? I’d be a bit concerned about causing his heart to blow out, but … I guess? Ok?
My problem with dating a 44 year old is not that they are “old”. I dated a 33 y/o when I was 23. Those that date significantly younger than them tend to be the less mature of the two.
I’d agree with you within that age range. Once you get up into the 50s, the upward age difference matters less, though.
I’m so glad I’m not out there dating. If my partner goes before I do, I’ll stay single rather than put myself through that stress.
