First of all I’d like to apologize in advance for any insensitive statements I might make (I hope I don’t though), I’m trying my best not to and I was just curious :)
I’m an 18-year-old cishet guy currently in uni and recently the thought popped into my head that I have no clue how the LGBTQ community would view me as someone who’s not in the space or actively an ally. I would more accurately describe myself currently as a “don’t care” person in the sense that to me it genuinely does not matter what someone identifies as or who someone is attracted to. I don’t know how much this means, but I have multiple gay friends, my roommate is bi and I dated a person who went as a girl in day to day life because it was more convenient to her/them although she/they told me she/they partially identified as nonbinary (correct pronoun usage pls >.<) but I don’t know if all this is the classic “but i have a black friend” argument that racists use.
To cut to the point: I’m curious as to how I would be seen by queer people in general, as I’ve witnessed both very inclusive and nice people (mostly here), but also some that said that LGBTQ places are not to be used by cishet people and I’m wondering what the best attitude to take would be.
Thanks!
I’ve kinda never thought about it. There are some places in the world with really active queer subcultures, or places where maybe “The Queer Community” feels like more of a concrete thing, but not where I’m from. Lots of my friends realized we were noncis or not heterosexual as we got older, but none of us ever were part of a “queer scene” or felt apart from or separate from straight people. In fact, many of us felt unable to access what we saw as Queer Culture ™ and regularly got read as straight - so I’m sure that informs my experience. People who are more visibly queer face more discrimination and may need to be more wary or stick closer to their own communities, depending where they live. But I think often ideas of “queer vs straight” dichotomies are not always real. Queer people in some places may have a distinct subculture, but i think life is like you describe ….you know some straight people, you know some non straight people, and they’re all just people you know. If you’re not a jerk on purpose, you’re an ally. If you’re a jerk by accident but stop when you realize it, then you’re not actually being a jerk, and you’re an ally. I think there is a lot of complex online discourse that may or may not apply to a person’s real life or apply to every context, and that I do not feel qualified to speak about really, and this can cause a lot of anxiety about the right way to act. And someone who has experienced a lot of hate might not feel as comfortable around straight people as other lgbtqia people. But in terms of my experience, I usually don’t know somebody’s sexuality right when i meet them, and I usually assume most people to be chill and neutral, unless they’re specifically being an asshole on purpose. The on purpose part is important.