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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/CBISHELLDE on 2023-07-19 18:07:15.

My wife [32F] and I [33M] have been married for 9 years. We have 2 beautiful daughters ages 7 and 5 who share a room and bed. Our 7 year old has been used to co-sleeping with mom her entire life. My wife is a SAHM and used to put the kids to sleep most nights. She basically lays down with then and many times falls asleep with them. Then she would complain that she didn’t sleep well, she has no free time, and we don’t ever get to spend couple time together (sex, tv, conversation, etc).

A few years ago I got fed up and insisted on creating a bedtime routine for the kids. I slowly weaned them off cuddling and replaced it with storybooks, prayers, and white noise. Over the course of a few months they were used to it and bedtime became a breeze. Then my wife and I started taking turns putting them to sleep. But she took shortcuts with the bedtime routine and just cuddled them to sleep. This effectively ruined my bedtime routine and ability to put them to sleep because now they only want cuddles. Sometimes my wife will half heartedly do the routine but most nights ends up cuddling and falling asleep with them. This is understandable when we’re traveling or spending the night at grandparents house, but it’s became almost a daily habit for her. Meanwhile my job gets harder and the kids stay up till midnight craving cuddles. I have to start the weaning process every week.

Last night my wife was exhausted so I offered to put the kids to sleep. She had been putting them to sleep for the past week when I was traveling for work so they were used to the cuddles. I went through the routine and cuddled with them for a little, then left the room. Each time they walked out I gently took them back in a firmly told them it’s bedtime and they have to sleep. After a few rounds of this, older daughter started crying because she wanted her mom. My miserably exhausted wife jumped in the bed with them and started accusing me of being good for nothing, not a dependable partner, abusive father, etc. I lost my temper and pulled the covers off her and the kids and told her enough is enough, she wouldn’t be doing this anymore and needs to go back to her room. I’ll put the kids to sleep no matter how long it takes. Kids are crying seeing mom and dad in a shouting match. My wife threatens to call 911 and accidentally hits dial. They call her back and she says she’s in danger. Police show up at 1am and start lecturing us for a good 20 mins on marriage. Thankfully nobody is arrested and they left. I put down a sleeping bag in the kids room and they eventually fall asleep. I go to work the next day with barely any sleep.

I feel incredibly frustrated and betrayed by my wife. We’re not talking to each other now, but this has to stop. I’m resolved to fix the kids’ sleeping habits as I believe it’s unhealthy for their long term growth and its also hurting our marriage.