I feel this in my soul. Same way, notice a cute girl a work don’t want to be the creepy guy at the office, see a cute girl working at the movie theatre, no this is her job, she doesn’t need that at work. This is why I’m single 😅
The annoying thing is that the annoying guys are more likely to get a date, while they just go about their day. Not because they are better, or because their methods are good, but purely because they approach more people.
I hate making people feel uncomfortable (no matter their gender), so I always struggled finding “spontaneous” dates, or even dancing with strangers at a club/party.
The only thing that really worked for me was using dating apps, where both parties have implicitly indicated that they are looking for dates in general (because they’re on the app) and explicitly indicated that they are interested in each other (by liking their profile, or whatever).
Although I’ve heard the apps have all gotten worse lately, I wouldn’t really know, as I found someone on Tinder years ago, and now we’re happily married.
I’ll be honest, as long as you don’t make it weird you can approach a lot of people be they’re on the job or not. If they’re on the job just ask them about the journey so far. Like, they’re also human you can treat them as such.
Yes, and if I have my headphones on at work, that means I’m focusing on something and you shouldn’t bother me unless it’s important. That’s what it means for most people. It certainly doesn’t mean “this is a good time to ask me out.”
There’s no need to even ask them out right away. Just having a casual conversation and making them speak of their interests can warm them to you.
Are they your coworker? Sigh at how needy clients are, tell how you want to have a break, ask what they want to do when they have them. Discuss details.
A cinema worker is harder, but you can play a dummy and ask them if they see the movies screened there and can vouch for some of them or if they can suggest some snack from a bar, to break the ice.
People like talking about themselves. All have hilarious stories to tell. One needs to make them open up and react in a supportive way. Looking up interviewers on youtube can get one a better idea of how it’s done than these greesy pick-up artists. Genuinely enjoying a conversation rather than being hungry for a pussy\dick and making it all about yourself is a great start.
If you go in trying to bed them you’re likely going to crash and burn.
Just try to make them a friend it’s a win win win because if you hit it off then you get a friend, if the attraction is reciprocated you may get relationship, if they aren’t interested in you but see you as a good person they may try to set you up with a friend of theirs that is single.
I think they meant you learn more about their personality to know if you want to be with them in the first place. Why wouldn’t you want to learn more about someone you want to be with?
I wonder how you’ve read my message to get this take. I’m reading that standing on my head and still can’t see how it’s about picking up. Picking down, maybe, yet it’s questionable. Asking another person of their life isn’t picking someone down, it’s just showing interest in them and letting them tell something about themselves. It’s a basic courtesy. And it probably started relationships of parents of many people in this thread, yours and mine included. It’s just a normal dating starter. While pickdown (pickup?) is a snake oil strategy that promises one to get a pussy while ignoring another person completely and it doesn’t really work that way unless you pay for a sexworker’s service. And I don’t think OP wants that at all. If they want a normal relationship, making a future partner talk about something they like is a good starting point - that’s what I was talking about.
No, you flex your social skills by trying to get to know the person you’re, at this point, only physically attracted to. These are all things a normal person who doesn’t need dating advice knows. But here we are, spelling it out for those I the back of the class.
What you describe is absolutely the way to do it without looking weird. Don’t be aggressive about it, accept a no or an awkward silence or similar as being a no, respond in a pleasant tone and not an aggressive one, and you should be pretty good to go without being seen as a creep, as long as you don’t repeat it later. Of course, don’t make a point of going around hitting on women in gyms or who are at work, but it can be done tactfully.
Eh. It can kind of cause a lot of problems in the workplace, and not just for the people dating… Especially if somebody is the type to get jealous if you have to work with their partner on something, which is sadly not uncommon. If you’re mature and can deal with it… fine. But, frankly, there’s plenty of fish in the sea and it’s probably better to date outside of work (or at least your team) for everybody.
People say stuff like that but the thing is, work is where you spend most of your time. It’s where you meet the most people, if you are going to find someone who you want to date it’s quite likely it will be the place you spend most of your time.
Many people, over many life times. If you can’t handle the mess of things not working out, you’re much better off not hunting where you work. But hey, maybe you can be one of the lucky few!
I’ve seen work relationships go very badly but I’ve also seen them go very well. I met my wife at work so it worked out great for me.
Best advice I can give is, if you want to date people you work with, make sure you’re ok with quitting your job. If things go south it might come to that. Use good judgement. Don’t date your boss or one of your subbordinates. That’s a great way to get fired out of a canon.
My brother-in-law dated a co-worker for a few weeks a couple of years ago but he went over-the-top like with most things in his life, so things went south fast and now it’s been difficult between them at work ever since. He is definitely not okay with quitting his job, and apparently neither is she, so now they’re stuck with each other, so I would say it’s a very tricky needle to thread.
I won’t pretend to be an expert on the matter since I’m very much alone, but in my experience it’s something that happens more organically, through common interests and such. It’s more of a process, less of a transaction.
You’re not wrong. There’s nothing wrong with asking once. Take the answer for what it is, yes, great, no, then it’s no and you’re done. It’s all easier said than done though for me.
No, I’m often hit on by gay guys for some reason. When they take no for an answer (and they almost always have) it’s just flattering. Sometimes they’ll insist on buying me a drink anyways, and we’ll talk like two straight guys would, sometimes they even wingman for me.
A few times it seemed like they thought they might be able to turn a no into a yes - that’s not comfortable, and that’s exactly what you should never do in that kind of situation
But being asked out respectfully by people who genuinely accept the answer at face value? No, I don’t think that part gets old, everyone likes feeling desired.
You do have to genuinely and immediately drop it though - the fear you won’t is probably concerning to women, but women generally want relationships too.
Women dream of romcoms, not the over the top obsession part (that’d cross so many lines in reality) but the idea of a great partner dropping into their life… Most people don’t love cars
Ideally, you’d pick up on the receptiveness before you ask and give them a way to say no without actually saying no (like if they say they’re busy and don’t give an alternative day, you just say too bad and pretend like it never happened), but that’s not something everyone understands or can be communicated clearly
I think it kind of depends on the kind of social interaction. I imagine there’s a difference between catcalling someone, and expressing genuine interest in getting to know one another. But I probably shouldn’t be one to talk about things social.
Nah, at their work they can’t reject you properly if they’re giving a service and their work is listening to you. That’s abusing your position as client.
If you’re in the US, you live in a country where it’s OK to insist on trying to talk to uninterested strangers if you’re bored, even if they’re clearly uninterested. So yeah, I get why you wouldn’t get it.
I feel this in my soul. Same way, notice a cute girl a work don’t want to be the creepy guy at the office, see a cute girl working at the movie theatre, no this is her job, she doesn’t need that at work. This is why I’m single 😅
Thank you for not being the annoying guy trying to hit on girls 🙂
The annoying thing is that the annoying guys are more likely to get a date, while they just go about their day. Not because they are better, or because their methods are good, but purely because they approach more people.
I hate making people feel uncomfortable (no matter their gender), so I always struggled finding “spontaneous” dates, or even dancing with strangers at a club/party.
The only thing that really worked for me was using dating apps, where both parties have implicitly indicated that they are looking for dates in general (because they’re on the app) and explicitly indicated that they are interested in each other (by liking their profile, or whatever).
Although I’ve heard the apps have all gotten worse lately, I wouldn’t really know, as I found someone on Tinder years ago, and now we’re happily married.
I’ll be honest, as long as you don’t make it weird you can approach a lot of people be they’re on the job or not. If they’re on the job just ask them about the journey so far. Like, they’re also human you can treat them as such.
Nah. Everyone I’m attracted to either better know it by my silence or well never be together
Wow, what a relief, I thought you were into me
Nah, people talk. If it’s known that you’ve approached many people, you’ll get an automatic rejection from the rest.
Unless you live in Buttfuck Montana, how would that be known?
We’re talking within a work place. People do talk to each other.
Yes, and if I have my headphones on at work, that means I’m focusing on something and you shouldn’t bother me unless it’s important. That’s what it means for most people. It certainly doesn’t mean “this is a good time to ask me out.”
Tell that to people impervious to subtlety.
But I meant that if you ask out a lot of persons at work, all the others will know and they’ll reject you preemptively.
Ask once, be clean about it, look like a dork for a few minutes, if she says no, let it go and never mention it again.
The annoying creep is likely to do ask her out twice a week.
Theres no way to ask without looking weird, but the follow up is what distinguishes regular guys from creeps.
There’s no need to even ask them out right away. Just having a casual conversation and making them speak of their interests can warm them to you.
Are they your coworker? Sigh at how needy clients are, tell how you want to have a break, ask what they want to do when they have them. Discuss details.
A cinema worker is harder, but you can play a dummy and ask them if they see the movies screened there and can vouch for some of them or if they can suggest some snack from a bar, to break the ice.
People like talking about themselves. All have hilarious stories to tell. One needs to make them open up and react in a supportive way. Looking up interviewers on youtube can get one a better idea of how it’s done than these greesy pick-up artists. Genuinely enjoying a conversation rather than being hungry for a pussy\dick and making it all about yourself is a great start.
Great advice 10/10.
If you go in trying to bed them you’re likely going to crash and burn.
Just try to make them a friend it’s a win win win because if you hit it off then you get a friend, if the attraction is reciprocated you may get relationship, if they aren’t interested in you but see you as a good person they may try to set you up with a friend of theirs that is single.
Can’t lose with this method.
So you feign interest to pick up someone.
Not something I’m interested in doing.
I think they meant you learn more about their personality to know if you want to be with them in the first place. Why wouldn’t you want to learn more about someone you want to be with?
Because most guys just want an outlet and not a person?
I wonder how you’ve read my message to get this take. I’m reading that standing on my head and still can’t see how it’s about picking up. Picking down, maybe, yet it’s questionable. Asking another person of their life isn’t picking someone down, it’s just showing interest in them and letting them tell something about themselves. It’s a basic courtesy. And it probably started relationships of parents of many people in this thread, yours and mine included. It’s just a normal dating starter. While pickdown (pickup?) is a snake oil strategy that promises one to get a pussy while ignoring another person completely and it doesn’t really work that way unless you pay for a sexworker’s service. And I don’t think OP wants that at all. If they want a normal relationship, making a future partner talk about something they like is a good starting point - that’s what I was talking about.
No, you flex your social skills by trying to get to know the person you’re, at this point, only physically attracted to. These are all things a normal person who doesn’t need dating advice knows. But here we are, spelling it out for those I the back of the class.
So any person with some difficulties should just go fuck themselves. Got it.
Did you enjoy your popularity in high school? Did you punch many weird people for fun?
You seem to have a lot of anger. I hope it gets better.
You don’t. Stop lying to look good.
What you describe is absolutely the way to do it without looking weird. Don’t be aggressive about it, accept a no or an awkward silence or similar as being a no, respond in a pleasant tone and not an aggressive one, and you should be pretty good to go without being seen as a creep, as long as you don’t repeat it later. Of course, don’t make a point of going around hitting on women in gyms or who are at work, but it can be done tactfully.
To be fair, it’s ideal to not date your coworkers anyway.
Who comes up with this stuff. Date whoever you want, YOLO
Eh. It can kind of cause a lot of problems in the workplace, and not just for the people dating… Especially if somebody is the type to get jealous if you have to work with their partner on something, which is sadly not uncommon. If you’re mature and can deal with it… fine. But, frankly, there’s plenty of fish in the sea and it’s probably better to date outside of work (or at least your team) for everybody.
People say stuff like that but the thing is, work is where you spend most of your time. It’s where you meet the most people, if you are going to find someone who you want to date it’s quite likely it will be the place you spend most of your time.
Youre right, im gonna date your mum
People who have learnt from experience.
There’s only so much YOLO you can handle before it’s just not worth it.
Many people, over many life times. If you can’t handle the mess of things not working out, you’re much better off not hunting where you work. But hey, maybe you can be one of the lucky few!
I’ve seen work relationships go very badly but I’ve also seen them go very well. I met my wife at work so it worked out great for me.
Best advice I can give is, if you want to date people you work with, make sure you’re ok with quitting your job. If things go south it might come to that. Use good judgement. Don’t date your boss or one of your subbordinates. That’s a great way to get fired out of a canon.
My brother-in-law dated a co-worker for a few weeks a couple of years ago but he went over-the-top like with most things in his life, so things went south fast and now it’s been difficult between them at work ever since. He is definitely not okay with quitting his job, and apparently neither is she, so now they’re stuck with each other, so I would say it’s a very tricky needle to thread.
Seing some cute girl at the bar “nope, she’s probably here just to enjoy her drink”
See some cute girl waiting in your bed “nope, she probably just wants a nap”
Nope. Ask flat out, don’t be weird about it. You get one shot before there’s any potential harassment, take it… Then accept the result
That’s all there is to it
Okay so what if you’re from one of the many countries where asking people out on dates isn’t really a thing?
I assume the population in those countries is going down then because I don’t understand how else you’re supposed to do it?
You just hit them over the head with a rock
I won’t pretend to be an expert on the matter since I’m very much alone, but in my experience it’s something that happens more organically, through common interests and such. It’s more of a process, less of a transaction.
It’s got to be the blunt side of the rock too, otherwise it’s necrophilia
Arranged marriages would be my guess, although I can’t think of a country where that’s the overwhelming norm.
I’m interested to know what countries would those be and how does people meet usually.
I guess you can watch your natality rate plummet, telling yourself you’re being a good citizen?
You’re not wrong. There’s nothing wrong with asking once. Take the answer for what it is, yes, great, no, then it’s no and you’re done. It’s all easier said than done though for me.
Now put yourself in the girl’s place and multiply that interaction for all the guys that tried to pick her up. Does that change your tune?
No, I’m often hit on by gay guys for some reason. When they take no for an answer (and they almost always have) it’s just flattering. Sometimes they’ll insist on buying me a drink anyways, and we’ll talk like two straight guys would, sometimes they even wingman for me.
A few times it seemed like they thought they might be able to turn a no into a yes - that’s not comfortable, and that’s exactly what you should never do in that kind of situation
But being asked out respectfully by people who genuinely accept the answer at face value? No, I don’t think that part gets old, everyone likes feeling desired.
You do have to genuinely and immediately drop it though - the fear you won’t is probably concerning to women, but women generally want relationships too.
Women dream of romcoms, not the over the top obsession part (that’d cross so many lines in reality) but the idea of a great partner dropping into their life… Most people don’t love cars
Ideally, you’d pick up on the receptiveness before you ask and give them a way to say no without actually saying no (like if they say they’re busy and don’t give an alternative day, you just say too bad and pretend like it never happened), but that’s not something everyone understands or can be communicated clearly
Nah, they’re indoctrinated into wanting them, unhealthy as they are.
I think it kind of depends on the kind of social interaction. I imagine there’s a difference between catcalling someone, and expressing genuine interest in getting to know one another. But I probably shouldn’t be one to talk about things social.
Late posting, but reminded me of this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw
I had never seen that, it was amazing thank you. Sums up my feelings pretty well!
While people on reddit or Lemmy might talk about hitting on someone at work as the worst thing ever this isn’t the case for a lot of people.
Lemmy has a very distinct demographic that’s not really representative of the outside world.
I’ve dated a coworker. For various reasons, I wouldn’t recommend it.
Not talking about coworkers, but more about people you encounter while they are working.
I’ve had a couple of pleasant experiences. Same for girls in the gym tbh.
Nah, at their work they can’t reject you properly if they’re giving a service and their work is listening to you. That’s abusing your position as client.
That’s why you do it when you’re leaving or not a customer.
When you’re leaving she’s still working and you’re still using your former position.
After she’s ended her shift it’s still debatable. For me it’s still creepy.
Cool, for me and a lot of girls it’s not. So I guess it’s not as simple.
If you’re in the US, you live in a country where it’s OK to insist on trying to talk to uninterested strangers if you’re bored, even if they’re clearly uninterested. So yeah, I get why you wouldn’t get it.