So about 2 years ago, I moved away. Broken spirit broken person, over 3000 miles. However, yesterday I landed for my first visit back here. And I just feel weird. Like I’m not supposed to be here or something, it’s very ominous. I constantly feel anxious.
The weirdest thing was seeing how my parents have started to age. And the woods where I used to hang out are all housing developments now. I’m currently sleeping on a mattress in my old room, aka the office now, surrounded by random shelving and printers and stuff. it’s really a weird feeling in here too.
I don’t know what I expected but I definitely don’t feel like I’m “home”. It’s like some weird alternate dimension version of home. There’s still some people I’m yet to see and I wonder how that’s gonna go. So far everything already feels uncomfortably different. Alongside that, the rose tint has also come off and I have a lot of bad memories going through my head too instead of any sort of nostalgia. Almost like the different person I was back then is still lurking here somewhere watching me.
Anyone familiar with such a feeling, after being away for so long?
I went back to my hometown last summer. I had not been there in decades. My sisters, who live nearby, both could not understand why. I ended up leaving ahead of plans, there was not much to do, and the place is economically defunct, none of my family or friends lives there anymore. I did reconnect with an old friend who lives nearby, which made the whole trip worthwhile. On the flip side, I now live in a pretty, affluent community. My son, 3 years out of college, comes home to visit, and in spite of being nostalgic, and wanting to visit his old haunts, says it’s not home anymore. We have done practically nothing to his old room, except he took a lot of the furniture with him. You are not the same you as when you were younger. The place isn’t the same either.