• SpaghettiYeti@lemmy.world
    1051·
    10 个月前

    The worst part is your job thinking you can work infinite hours because you dont have a kid. Its a fucked up tax.

    • Evia@lemmy.world
      482·
      10 个月前

      I have a sick (but not dying) sister with 3 kids. As far as work are concerned, I visit every fortnight to help out and rush up to see them every time there’s an emergency or they need childcare.

      I haven’t seen the sister in four years and only see my nephews twice a year when they visit Grandma but work don’t need to know that

    • BloodSlut@lemmy.world
      302·
      10 个月前

      just lie and tell them you have a kid

      double down, even, and tell them the kid has a debilitating chronic disease that you regularly need to take time off work to bring to appointments and provide support for.

      now you have even more free time

        • beetus@lemmy.world
          151·
          10 个月前

          I don’t feel the need to defraud the government and our limited social welfare taxes. I’ll happily tell my employer white lies about family who don’t exist, but never the government.

      • JustMy2c@lemm.ee
        173·
        10 个月前

        Lunatic Americans have an honor code, who works more hours-competition to maybe one day perhaps get a promotion…

      • current@lemmy.ml
        121·
        10 个月前

        Americans outside of trades: “Contract”? What’s that? Is that like when my employer makes me sign papers saying I can’t sue them if I get hospitalized because of their negligence?

    • wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
      18·
      10 个月前

      Protip: you don’t owe your employer an explanation for turning down overtime, for refusing to do unpaid work, for refusing to pick up extra shifts, or for not being able to participate in heroics or death marches.

  • TK420@lemmy.world
    986·
    10 个月前

    To remind everyone, you are allowed to get a vasectomy for whatever reason you want. No one is forcing you to have children you don’t want, can’t afford, etc. If you’re told no, find a different fucking doctor.

    Also remember, children never fix a broken relationship.

  • StereoTrespasser@lemmy.world
    8118·
    10 个月前

    Meh, it gets a bit unsettling and empty when you get into your 40s. At least it did for me. We had a kid (much) later in life and I’m glad we did. We had our DINK fun in our 30s, and I still long for those days sometimes. But having a kid is like filling a hole you didn’t realize you had. And there are moments of joy and bonding that are simply indescribable.

    Anyway, to each their own.

    • jeremyparker
      251·
      10 个月前

      to each their own

      This is kinda my message to OP et al. You do you, you don’t have to try to shame people who choose something else.

      Admittedly, there’s a “having kids” version of CompHet, like, people sometimes have kids because they feel like they have to, like they’re supposed to, not because they want to, and that’s dumb. But those people aren’t addressed by the message of the OP, nor are they provided insight into the reality of OP’s wisdom: you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

      And some parents are fucking annoying. They think they’re more important than everyone else (even their own kids) because they chose to take on more responsibility. No DINK should ever have to give up their spot in line, or work longer hours, because of your smug self-righteousness. But – again – these people aren’t addressed by OP. (And, importantly, not all parents are like that.)

      I have kids and I love having kids. I have no qualms with anyone who doesn’t have kids. I sometimes have qualms with people who do have kids. Fight the real enemy.

    • electric_nan@lemmy.ml
      13·
      10 个月前

      We’re in our 40’s. Wanted kids but couldn’t have them. It was hard, and sometimes still is, but we’re the cool aunt/uncle and we’re making the best of the extra freedom and money we have.

      • wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
        43·
        10 个月前

        Not trying to poke a bruise, but depending on how important it is to you, where you live, and your financial situation, you likely still have options. At least in the US there are states that require insurance to cover IVF treatments.

        I’m close with two couples who live in one of those states and took advantage of that recently.

        One in their late 30s, IVF worked (~2 year process for them) and they’re out ~$3k all said and done.

        With the second couple, the wife was 44 when they started working with a fertility clinic, husband in his mid 30s. Unfortunately they were unable to produce any viable embryos from the wife’s eggs, and the couple couldn’t emotionally handle another egg retrieval attempt.

        They still have a kid though, born when the wofe was 45. Egg donors exist just like sperm donors. So they were able to use the IVF process with donor eggs and the husband’s sperm to get an embryo, and have that implanted. The wife was able to carry their child in her womb and be pregnant.

        Egg donors are expensive, they say it was ~$30k. But they do have a few more viable embryos from that on ice, so they have the potential for multiple children out of it.

        The clinic the second couple used also apparently had a successful IVF pregnancy with a 50 year old.

        I know four couples that just needed some medication (I think it’s just hormone pills and shots). There’s also a similar amount I know who went the adoption route.

        I’m most familiar with the second IVF couple’s journey, as they tend to be open people, they more often needed someone to just listen, and one of them is related to me. Their approach struck a chord with my wife and I, and effected our own discussions on having children: “Once you’ve decided to have a kid, if that is the most important part of it to you, sometimes you just need to just work your way down your options to find out how they’ll get here”.

        If you’re comfortable in your decision, if you truly know that options aren’t available for you through talks with a doctor, if you tried and found that it was just too much emotionally… I mean no shade or judgement. I just know a surprising amount of people who have had fertility issues, and people don’t tend to talk about it, so there’s a good chunk of people out there simply unaware of the chances they might have.

        Apologies for the ramble. This is very near and dear to me, just hope it helps someone.

        • Socsa@sh.itjust.works
          7·
          10 个月前

          Jesus fuck, $30k just to have a geriatric pregnancy with someone else’s kid? That seems fucking insane to me… Why not just adopt? There are so many kids who need a good home out there already.

          • cassie 🐺@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
            4·
            10 个月前

            In the US at least, it really depends on adopting infants vs. foster care. Most adopt infants, and there’s generally more prospective parents than infants. Foster care tends to be more challenging, so there’s less parents willing to adopt them.

        • electric_nan@lemmy.ml
          21·
          10 个月前

          Wow, thanks for your effort and empathy. We did in fact go through two rounds of IVF. No insurance, so we did it abroad. It was cheaper, but absolutely a major financial outlay for us.

          Worse than the monetary cost was the emotional one. Miscarriages are fucking horrible under ‘normal’ circumstances, but are somehow worse when you’ve put extra faith in medical professionals and the clinical process meant to greatly increase your chances of having a baby.

          After the first ordeal, I begged my wife not to go through it again. Ultimately I relented since she felt so strongly that she was going to make the trip herself. I couldn’t let her do it without support. I am not bullshitting you when I say I absolutely could not do it another time.

          In case you or anyone else is wondering, we were never against adoption, but it is also a difficult and expensive process, and at the time we were afraid to apply for reasons I won’t get into.

    • flathead@lemm.ee
      101·
      10 个月前

      it gets a bit unsettling and empty when you get into your 40s.

      that’s a mid life crisis. I’m glad having a kid helped you through it. Also a better option than running away with a hooker, maybe.

    • Holzkohlen@feddit.de
      8·
      10 个月前

      Any siblings? Let them have kids and help out. I’ve got a niece and nephew and I love them to bits, but I’m still glad they are not mine. Anyways, being an uncle/aunt? Can recommend!

  • Got_Bent@lemmy.world
    292·
    10 个月前

    I wouldn’t attempt to persuade anybody to have children, but being a dad has been the best thing in my life bar none. I was that rare custodial single dad to a daughter and certain years of financial struggle aside, I wouldn’t trade the experience for all the wealth on the planet.

    She’s grown now. Today it’s a friendship/mentor/advisor relationship in which we play the mentor/advisor role with each other. I give her guidance, and she does the same for me.

    She has no plans to have children because she sees bringing a child into this shit stain of a timeline as a moral failure, and I’m fine with that.

    She says she may adopt someday, and as the son of a mother who suffered the American foster care system, I can’t see that pursuit as anything other than noble.

    But really. If you’re happy not having kids, I support that. I truly do.

    I’ll conclude with this - she made me a better person, and for that, I’ll be eternally grateful.

  • Colour_me_triggered@lemm.ee
    221·
    10 个月前

    The worst part of being a parent is other childrens’ parents. The kids themselves (mine at least) are great. Other people’s kids are feral though.

  • TrickDacy@lemmy.world
    3116·
    10 个月前

    As I write this, a neighbor’s child is bawling publicly outside my home.

    Yeah, all parents seem to want to tell us how their life was meaningless before they had kids, but I’m good.

    I’ve seen some of the most insanely inappropriate behavior from kids. Yes the fault is mainly the parents but the other day a child literally tried to take my milkshake because they could. It was awkward and if I’d been a couple steps further away I think the kid would’ve grabbed it out of the worker’s hand. The parent said nothing, probably because they spend all day every day saying no and it’s exhausting.

    • kronisk @lemmy.world
      2014·
      10 个月前

      Is this supposed to be an argument against having children? Yes, kids sometimes misbehave. They’re tiny humans, believe it or not, and sometimes what they want and feel don’t align well with the world around them. It’s the parents job to teach them how to behave around other people, and some parents are fuckups and do not do that job well. But when parents do their job well, that is how amazing adults are made, you see. Even if the outcome can’t be guaranteed in any way.

      If you don’t want to have children, that’s fine. I don’t particularly think you should either. But “a kid tried to steal my milkshake” is just a laughable argument.

      • TrickDacy@lemmy.world
        1718·
        10 个月前

        “Kids misbehave constantly” is a pretty great reason to not want them especially when combined with like 10 more good reasons which I don’t need to list really. Do you really think that I made the decision based on a fuckin’ milkshake?? I’m sorry my example failed the test of “could a parent needlessly justifying their choices reject this”.

        If you don’t want to have children, that’s fine. I don’t particularly think you should either.

        Okay then why take this personally? I think it’s fair to take it personally that everywhere you look in society people are having kids and subtly shaming those who don’t. I see that allll the time (this thread included).

        You’re in the majority by a lot. You don’t need to get mad at a dissenting opinion just because it doesn’t sound (to you) based on the right example/logic/whatever.

        • volvoxvsmarla @lemm.ee
          148·
          10 个月前

          I think it’s fair to take it personally that everywhere you look in society people are having kids and subtly shaming those who don’t.

          If you read this thread I’d argue there are more people shaming people for their choice of having children (as you appear to do) than otherwise. Basically everyone here who has a kid argues “to each their own” while half of the child free people argue “you’re a selfish idiot if you have kids”. One dude literally called children an STD. Another one calls it a mental illness.This isn’t even subtly shaming.

          • TrickDacy@lemmy.world
            815·
            10 个月前

            Yeah and you’re talking about probably less than 50% of 2% of the population. Just because you see the sentiment does it make it prominent. Shaming people for not having kids is so common you could have it happen to you and barely notice it because you’re so used to it.

        • kronisk @lemmy.world
          119·
          10 个月前

          I didn’t take it personally and I’m not mad. I don’t care if you don’t want kids but this is a public forum and your argument is absurd. The notion that “kids constantly misbehave” is clearly based on limited experience with kids and you seem to have no understanding of parenting, meaning you have a strong opinion on something you know very little about. Which is hardly uncommon, so don’t beat yourself up about it, but still should be remarked upon when encountered.

          I think the reason why this subject is so touchy is that people who never have kids can never really know what it’s like, and it cannot really be explained to them either - all parents understand this to some degree. Some things you can only learn through experience.

          • TrickDacy@lemmy.world
            1015·
            10 个月前

            This is exactly the condescending bullshit that we have to put up with. You are just trying to tell yourself your kids aren’t quite as bad as anyone looking in would think.

            I do not need kids to have meaning in life, and those who do need them shouldn’t force that shit down our throats.

            • WoahWoah@lemmy.world
              129·
              10 个月前

              You are very clearly the angry one in this conversation. No one cares.

              I agree with the other person. I’m glad you don’t have kids too.

              • TrickDacy@lemmy.world
                46·
                10 个月前

                Never said I wasn’t angry…you should try admitting it.

                No one is as glad as I am that I don’t have kids though! That’s not the weird insult you seem to think it is

                • RedAggroBest@lemmy.world
                  11·
                  10 个月前

                  It’s a pretty common sentiment that you don’t “get” having kids until it happens. They seem perfectly willing to drop it after “to each their own” but you call it condescending? The reason your comments are all in the negative is because even the other childless people think you’re a prick.

            • kronisk @lemmy.world
              44·
              10 个月前

              It’s beside the point, but I feel I have to tell you that my kids are lactose intolerant and would let you have your milkshake to yourself. It’s my wife you have to keep an eye on there, she loves them.

            • wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
              34·
              10 个月前

              My man, I’ve been of your opinions, and I have a kid now.

              What the person you’re replying to is saying isn’t condescending. He’s not saying that he is more important or more intelligent than you. He’s not saying that he necessarily has a better life than you, or that your choice not to have kids makes you lesser.

              The strongest thing he’s said is that you, as someone without a kid, cannot understand the full experience of having one. Same as how (assuming you aren’t a famous actor), will never know what it’s like to be a famous actor.

              It’s simple fact. Not good, not bad.

              People with kids will never know what it’s like to not have kids as you get older amd more established. I’ll never know what it’s like to have a foot long schlong.

              Not every kid is a little shit, just like not every man is a misogynist. There’s also the aspect that the noisy and disturbing children are going to stick our far more than any who are behaving. You don’t remember every car that drives reasonably, or every public transportation rider that ensures they aren’t a nuisance, during your commute.

              Please stop projecting your personal frustration with children on the rest of the world, then getting offended when not everyone agrees.

              • TrickDacy@lemmy.world
                24·
                10 个月前

                The only reason any of you randos know anything about my opinion is that you’re projecting your need to have children onto the world. “You would never understand until you have kids!” “They change your life and make you whole!” “When are you having kids??” We’re sick of hearing it.

                Good for you that you like your choice, just let me have peace with mine, it was absolutely the right choice. Many parents regret their choice, you can tell when they’re angry all the time. Don’t encourage more of that, full stop.

        • Facebones@reddthat.com
          1·
          10 个月前

          The next time somebody asks why I don’t want kids I’m just going to say “Because I like milkshakes” with no context whatsoever. 😂