Porn is the only reason I am still married. After our second kid, my wife’s already low sex drive dropped to asexual. She is a wonderful mother, but she is either willfully or ignorantly oblivious to any romantic advance. I get, on average, about one fully clothed, under-the-covers hand job every 6 months or so that’s so unenthusiastic that I am reminded why I stopped trying to get her to do it. I am sexually starving. The only thing I want in the world right now is to feel the warm touch of someone who actually wants to touch me again, but I’d rather die, lonely, but married to her than let my kids grow up in a broken home…
Damn that sucks! Wouldn’t have believed somebody telling you on your honeymoon that so little intimacy was in your future, huh? No fair :( I hope that, if nothing changes, your coping mechanisms remain effective.
It’s better to show your kids what is like to be happy and have your needs met than to show them being miserable and setling. Especially on their behalf.
Do you have kids? I used to hate when people would ask me that question before I had kids, because it seems to imply that having them places your opinion on a higher tier. Now that I do, I try and avoid it as much as possible for that reason, but I do understand that parenting is one of the theaters where theory space, and optimal practice, can be very different. The fact is, they never have to know, at least until they’re old enough to understand. They don’t have to know that Dad is sad when he’s alone with Mom, because we still have fun and laugh as a family when they are present. The lesson that I’m teaching them by example, is that it is better to have one bedroom than two, then to have to decide whether they want to live with mom or dad most of the time, that even though Mom and Dad civilly argue sometimes, we can still be a family, and be happy most of the time, rather than give up on a promise made before they were born because of factors they can’t possibly understand yet.
Yeah. I had a dad that didn’t get laid too. Sex is in the bottom layers of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, then intimacy is up higher as well. If you’re not getting these things you’re not going to be able to hide them. Your kids won’t know why until they’re much older WHY your not happy, but that is a sadness of the soul that nothing can hide.
You ever see one of your friends the day after they get laid and you just know. That’s a kind of joy from having your needs met that you can’t fake.
You’re teaching your kids it’s OK with someone who doesn’t meet your needs. It’s not.
Be with someone who makes you happy. Let your wife do the same. Show your kids what a happy marriage and happy parents look like so they can model their relationships that way. Don’t continue the cycle.
Cause it’s condescending to explain to a person you don’t know who has been in a serious relationship with a person you dont know for who knows how long that you can tap it if you’re just an extra good boy.
Pretty condescending to tell somebody you don’t know that they need to get divorced too. Tbh libidos can go to shit after kids so yeah. Maybe my funny joke wasn’t so funny. Ah well, I always have had a crap sense of humour
Second only to a death, divorce is the biggest possible deal for a family, and I’m tired of people pretending like it’s not. It’s valid in cases of abuse, or if the unhappiness is to a degree where it becomes emotionally damaging to the kids, but divorce should not even be put on the list of available options. Divorce is what you do when none of the available options end up working.
Porn is the only reason I am still married. After our second kid, my wife’s already low sex drive dropped to asexual. She is a wonderful mother, but she is either willfully or ignorantly oblivious to any romantic advance. I get, on average, about one fully clothed, under-the-covers hand job every 6 months or so that’s so unenthusiastic that I am reminded why I stopped trying to get her to do it. I am sexually starving. The only thing I want in the world right now is to feel the warm touch of someone who actually wants to touch me again, but I’d rather die, lonely, but married to her than let my kids grow up in a broken home…
So ya, I jerk off to porn after she goes to bed.
Damn that sucks! Wouldn’t have believed somebody telling you on your honeymoon that so little intimacy was in your future, huh? No fair :( I hope that, if nothing changes, your coping mechanisms remain effective.
It’s better to show your kids what is like to be happy and have your needs met than to show them being miserable and setling. Especially on their behalf.
Which would you rather for your kids?
Which are you showing your kids by example?
‘Hey kids, your mom won’t give daddy the nookie so I’ma head out now’
Ok, but me being in my late 30s I’d be like, I get it dad.
Fair enough, it really does depend on how old the kids are, but the mental image was too funny to me
Do you have kids? I used to hate when people would ask me that question before I had kids, because it seems to imply that having them places your opinion on a higher tier. Now that I do, I try and avoid it as much as possible for that reason, but I do understand that parenting is one of the theaters where theory space, and optimal practice, can be very different. The fact is, they never have to know, at least until they’re old enough to understand. They don’t have to know that Dad is sad when he’s alone with Mom, because we still have fun and laugh as a family when they are present. The lesson that I’m teaching them by example, is that it is better to have one bedroom than two, then to have to decide whether they want to live with mom or dad most of the time, that even though Mom and Dad civilly argue sometimes, we can still be a family, and be happy most of the time, rather than give up on a promise made before they were born because of factors they can’t possibly understand yet.
Yeah. I had a dad that didn’t get laid too. Sex is in the bottom layers of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, then intimacy is up higher as well. If you’re not getting these things you’re not going to be able to hide them. Your kids won’t know why until they’re much older WHY your not happy, but that is a sadness of the soul that nothing can hide.
You ever see one of your friends the day after they get laid and you just know. That’s a kind of joy from having your needs met that you can’t fake.
You’re teaching your kids it’s OK with someone who doesn’t meet your needs. It’s not.
Be with someone who makes you happy. Let your wife do the same. Show your kids what a happy marriage and happy parents look like so they can model their relationships that way. Don’t continue the cycle.
Ah, yes. Let me tell the children that I’m getting a divorce cause wifey won’t fuck me
How about, “Daddys leaving because he no longer in a loving relationship with mommy.” Divorce isn’t the end of the world.
Except it seems from the comment that they are still in a loving relationship, just not much of a sexual one.
If your partner does not acknowledge you as a sexual being, that isn’t very loving.
For real though, why is everyone heading straight to divorce, instead of talking about how to tap that wife
Cause it’s condescending to explain to a person you don’t know who has been in a serious relationship with a person you dont know for who knows how long that you can tap it if you’re just an extra good boy.
Pretty condescending to tell somebody you don’t know that they need to get divorced too. Tbh libidos can go to shit after kids so yeah. Maybe my funny joke wasn’t so funny. Ah well, I always have had a crap sense of humour
I didn’t say they should get divorced only pointed out that it’s not that big of a deal.
Second only to a death, divorce is the biggest possible deal for a family, and I’m tired of people pretending like it’s not. It’s valid in cases of abuse, or if the unhappiness is to a degree where it becomes emotionally damaging to the kids, but divorce should not even be put on the list of available options. Divorce is what you do when none of the available options end up working.
I don’t really give a shit what you think, divorce is a big deal