I only speak cantonese at home, for most of contact with society, it was English, when in the US, or during the few early years of my life in China, it was Mandarin. (But now it’s just English, since its the US)

And my parents are… not very nice parents…

Emotionally abusive for my entire life, and, during the early years of my life, used “corporal punishment”, but only stopped because I got older and can defend myself.

But still constantly being emotionally abusive.

And deny that my (diagnosed) depression exists, while accusing me of “faking” it. While simultaneously threatening to hospitalize me.

Also my (older) brother (who also speaks cantonese at home) is a major douchbag, very abusive to me, especially when I was younger.

grandparents are passive agressive

Like, I kinda just hate Cantonese. I mean, almost every interaction in Cantonese is with an abusive person. And with how closely related Mandarin is to Cantonese, I kinda hate Mandarin too. There’s just so much conservative culture that’s attached to Chinese languages, everytime I hear someone talk in Chinese, especially Cantonese, I kinda feel fear, I feel like my parents are nearby and are yelling at me.

I mean, with English interactions, there’s like half good half bad interactions

With cantonese, its like almost 100% bad interactions

So like… 🤷‍♂️

  • Python
    2·
    2 days ago

    Totally valid, I have the same thing but with Russian! There’s also an aspect of just being not very good at the language, so when speaking it at home I basically never had a chance to sufficiently vocalize my thoughts or defend myself in arguments - just because I was never taught enough words for that.

    I basically refuse to speak it unless directly talking to my own or my partners parents. Though the hope is to break contact with my parents soon 🤞

    • ERROR: Earth.exe has crashed@lemmy.dbzer0.comOPEnglish
      2·
      2 days ago

      There’s also an aspect of just being not very good at the language, so when speaking it at home I basically never had a chance to sufficiently vocalize my thoughts or defend myself in arguments - just because I was never taught enough words for that.

      OMG I felt this. I could never find the right words to describe my depression, so my mom just keep going with the “Just Be Happy” or “You’re Lazy That’s Why You’re Depressed”

      Like wtf, its fucking brain chemicals. But even google translate doesn’t find those right words that make a good argument, like things like metaphors, idioms, or any figure of speech cannot be translated, so yea… (fuck my life) 😓