Im wondering if this is a common adhd thing.
For example, I have always wanted to program, but I can’t let myself start with some easy gui building block code. I need to understand how the code is interacting with the computer itself and know how they did it in the 80s. Then of course it’s too hard for me and I give up.
Or if im making music, I need to do everything from scratch the hard way, making it as hard as possible (and killing any creative effort i had in the beginning).
It’s the same with anything. I can’t progress if I dont know the absolute reason why something is being done. And if I do it the easy way, I didn’t do it right and took shortcuts so it was worthless.
I recommend the book “Code: The Hidden Language of Computer Hardware and Software”. https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/code-charles-petzold/1100324884?ean=9780137909100
There’s a second edition, I’m not sure how good it is, but the first edition is excellent and will make sure you understand every part of the computer.
I also recommend the course Nand2Tetris and its accompanying book The Elements of Computing Systems, where you will build an actual computer from the ground up with just code.
www.nand2tetris.org
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-elements-of-computing-systems-second-edition-noam-nisan/1136466530?ean=9780262539807