I don’t think there’s any collector of knives, no matter how serious, who doesn’t eventually wind up with something like this.

But not usually on purpose. I think as your collection grows, the probability begins increasing that some well-meaning punter will finally say, “I heard you like knives, so I got you this.” If you also own at least one motorcycle, I think the probability instantly becomes 1. And then you’ll have one of these. Forever and ever.

This is, verily, the S-Tec Knife-Wrench. There are numerous others of its ilk. This is the chrome variant, and boy is it ever chrome. I spent this entire photo shoot battling reflections of my lights, of my camera, and of my knuckles. And battling fingerprints. (And there’s no use enhancing the images to learn something you should’t know, Mr. Deckard. I already checked them.) Other colors are available.

The Knife-Wrench is 4-7/8" long closed and weighs a hefty 145.1 grams (5.12 ounces). Open it’s about 7-1/2" long thanks to the rather stubby drop-point blade that’s 3-1/16" measured from the inside of the wrench cutout. The blade is so short because the designer was at least smart enough to ensure that it does not pass through the ring spanner on the end when the knife is closed. The entire ensemble feels quite thick as well at 0.483" not including the clip. The blade is 0.113" thick and claims to be “440,” but is more likely authentic mystery steel.

But here’s one mystery solved: The open end of the wrench is 14mm, and the box end is 17mm. I did look this knife up on Amazon and its product description contains some whoppers. To start with, it claims “Wrench Is Functional” and implies you could actually use it to do up bolts.

Don’t use this as a wrench.

To start with, it’s not solid. It’s a sandwich of thin steel liners spaced out with shouldered pins, with the blade in the middle and scales made of god-knows-what heaped on top that only superficially look like a wrench. The mechanism is a plain liner lock that’s exactly the level of crude you expect from a novelty knife. It is at least spring assisted, and there is a flipper nub sticking out of the back as well as dual thumb studs.

The pivot is by way of a simple Chicago screw, and the blade rides on one nylon washer on one side, and one steel one on the other. Which is odd.

Here are some more highlights from the bullet list:

• Purpose: Fighting (what?)
• Patent pending* (the asterisk is never explained)
• Manufacturer: Top Quest Inc

Well, I looked up Top Quest, Inc. just for grins. They make novelty shit. We may get some mileage out of this in the future, who knows. It appears that they only sell directly to businesses, and while I do have an EIN I could abuse for this purpose I probably can’t reach the dollar value of commitment they’re probably looking for. It’s a shame that we’ll probably have to find distributors of their wacky products if we want any more of them in the future.

Since I definitely can’t be arsed to take this knife apart, we’ll see if we can gauge some key metrics from the outside. Here’s what the blade centering looks like. Curiously, the blade isn’t off-kilter in the handles, it’s perfectly straight. Just, offset noticeably to one side, down the entire length. Maybe that has something to do with the mismatched washers, which are just visible in the photo above. The nylon one is the one on top in the picture, for anyone keeping score at home.

There is a non-reversible pocket clip, which is so tightly sprung that it’s basically useless for anything other than ripping the seams off of your pants. It is very thick and if we must say one positive thing about it, it seems extremely unlikely to break. I think you’d tear its mounting screws out, first.

The factory edge grind is not exceptionally fine, but actually looks halfway okay, provided…

…You don’t look at both sides of it at once.

Normally I would use some kind of tortured superlative here claiming this is the least pointy knife I own. It’s not; I definitely have ones with blunter noses. But this one is supposed to be pointy, but actually it looks like this. So that’s got to count for something.

Most of the manufacturing budget seems to have been blown on this rather nice laser etching of the logo, which is definitely the most competent detail in the entire operation.

You’ll never guess where it’s made.

The knife bears no other markings.

If you’re wondering about all these macro shots, by the way, I do not have a fancy macro lens arrangement. They’re all done through this cheap linen magnifier from the 1970’s:

The Inevitable Conclusion

Whoever thinks they’re giving this to you will walk away feeling self-satisfied about how clever they think they are. Little do they know.