Whaletails led me to wearing thongs which led me to sissy stuff which led me to chastity which led me to cuckolding fetish. And somewhere along the way I realized that I don’t need to feel insecure about my arguably average-sized penis - an insecurity definitely more pronounced because of my own attraction to big dicks, and some confusion/denial about that. I realized that I could delight in not having a big dick. After all, I’d rather suck than be sucked - I know that 100%.

Right now there are few things that turn me on more than feeling like I have an inadequate cock to perform PIV sex or top with. Wearing a chastity cage feels so affirming. If I could shrink my PP, I probably would.

The way I see men and women on the street is starting to be re-mapped. I no longer see myself competing with men who want to top; we’re different. And I no longer see my attraction to women as primarily sexual. That’s what I’m used to labelling it as but usually it’s “I wish I looked like that.” And, to some extent, hot hetero couples - fine specimens of their gender - don’t elicit “poor me for not having that” but more “I’d love to watch them fuck.”

I didn’t like the term beta when I first encountered it. But now I feel like it fits for me. Because I want to bottom and be girly, I have a big ‘size matters’ fetish, and I’m not able to socially or medically transition. I’ve learned a lot about myself from exploring my kinks. Can anyone relate to any of that lol