I got a COVID infection a while ago that permanently disabled me pretty bad. Bedridden, unable to move much, etc.
The thing that really helped me was relaxing and listening to music. That’s what I spent my days doing as I couldn’t do much else. I became a real music nerd and just loved the bliss of hearing music.
A little later (two years). I got another COVID infection — I was taking very strong precautions, and couldn’t see anyone. It turns out I got it from my doctor. Anyways, this infection caused some brain damage which has caused me to mostly loose the ability to hear. And now I’m still mostly motionless alone in bed, but I haven’t even got the comfort of sound or music. Just a mostly silent (tinnitus filled) world.
I’m so scared of getting covid again. But mostly I miss the world and my old life. Being stuck alone in bed with only the internet for company sucks. People tend to be arseholes online. I can’t help but feel I got “natural selectioned”. Me and my wife were planning on having kids soon. Now I barely see her and I’m going to slowly die in a nursing home. There are specific genetic vulnerabilities to illnesses, and natural selection works with them (see what Europeans coming to America did). And I got fucked here. COVID was my end.
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This reminded me that Apple recently added a feature to iOS called Music Haptics that lets you feel the music on your iPhone. It’s not the same of course but maybe it helps out a little.
Theres a thought. There are headphones that transfer music to vibrations that travel through the bones in your head as opposed to the ear canals. Might be worth looking into
Probably not if the deafness is caused by brain damage.
Some guy in a Fuck Trudeau shirt got on my bus the other day and started making shitty comments to me about wearing a mask. I had earbuds in so I just looked through him like he wasn’t there, but it was scary. I’m so sorry OP. Did you get the first bout before vaccines?
3 times vaccinated :/. Just got shit genes I guess.
You poor thing, I’m so sorry.
I pulled myself out doing my own thing.
Can hear, but things sound like the Treble is all tha way up.
I love music, I’m so sorry to hear about all of your struggles, it breaks my heart to read that you lost this one thing that makes things a bit less horrible.
Are you able to enjoy other art forms? Visual art and poetry are both wonderful. Visual art is tricky because reproductions can often flatten works of art in ways that would make them even more mesmerizing in person, but I still get a lot out of viewing reproductions.
I’m not as tuned into poetry but there is much poetry that I love and are worth spending time on. And like a song, a poem or a piece of art can be experienced over and over and experienced in new ways. There is a definite magic to music and the way it makes us feel things through sound.
A week after the government lifted mask mandates here in South Africa the lady who usually helped me at the local pharmacy was dead. She was immunocompromised, and it took just a week of people huffing their breath on her for her to catch COVID and die. Just like that.
I wear my mask religiously whenever I walk into any building. No one is getting COVID because of my criminal negligence.
But it’s not just that. I also wear my mask because I don’t believe people should be allowed to simply forget COVID and all the shitfuckery about our society that it exposed.
Sorry, I know this rant doesn’t help you in any way.
As the only person in my public-facing job to never stop masking, I feel you. Still get random aggression from strangers about it, but will just half-heartedly mention how lucky they are to have not lost anyone personally. Most people I know are missing some family since the pandemic.
Likely not applicable if deafness is due to brain damage.
🙏
It absolutely sucks that this happened to you, I would literary not wish your fate on anybody in the world. I won’t use this to tell my own sob story, but have you tried getting into video games? Most have accessibility features. Get “Factorio” it basically runs on a potato and you will unironicaly forget what the sun looks like. Sound is not important either.
I’d wish it on COVID deniers who think anyone who caught it and didn’t die is “fine”. They absolutely deserve that fate.
Nah dog, as somebody who’s experienced only a fraction of soul crushing loneliness and isolation, I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. Nothing makes you feel less human.
Space Age is right around the corner. I’ll emerge after winter.
Just in time for the Project Zomboid B42 update, and its back to the cave.
The internet is a poor companion these days. I didn’t even know that covid could do such things to you. That is awful. I’m really sorry to hear about your situation. Are you able to use hearing aids? They’ll change your life for the better. Costco has pretty affordable top of the line hearing aids, respectively. Get an evaluation and find out!
You have had a major loss.
I’m glad you are still with us to share this story. You wrote in such a clear and eloquent way; it’s clear you cared very much about us that you took the time to communicate effectively.
My father is currently in a nursing home (just for normal end of life stuff). He was a deadbeat most of my life and treated his health really poorly.
It’s cruel that he was able to live the way he did and live for so long, while you’ve done nothing to “earn” your maladies; yet, you’re both in a similar situation (except no one wants to go see him, because of him being a PoS for most of his life). You don’t seem like a deadbeat or a PoS, so as far as I’m concerned, you win.
I hope things turn around completely for you and you’re restored back to full health.
I’m sorry for your loss of the lifestyle you cherished. Just a random thought: If hearing aids won’t work for you, you could try feeling music instead of hearing it, while it won’t be the same, sensing the underlying beat could help evoke your imagination again and possibly help you rediscover your favourite tunes and new ones.
Definitely the internet is a mixed bag, with lots of doom and gloom, and more cynical and controversial takes elevated to the top. There are also corners of the internet that are positive, definitely go visit them more. Reading fiction and learning from non-fiction literature may be more of a personal comfort than the internet may be.
Nothing but feels for you friend, that’s rough and I can’t imagine what it must be like. I too am coming to grips with my own disabilities, a spine injury putting me into a wheelchair. Losing a sense on top of everything else you mentioned is horrific.
If I may be so bold, I found a lot of peace, zen and understanding in the book “What doesn’t kill you”. I recently finished and it was incredibly gratifying to read about how other people struggle with life changing medical events.
There are corners of the Internet still out there where you can find some really great people to hang out with; like 70% of my friend group is people who all meet through online games. We get together in person weekly or so now but still regularly play games together and hang out. I know it’s no replacement for all you’ve lost, but maybe playing games with friends could be some comfort? Or some other hobby or interest group that can be engaged with online?
Knowing anything about it I have to ask… would bone conducting headphones work?
I would suspect they would not work. The damage from Covid appears to be neurological and bone conducting headphones only bypass the mechanical components of the ear.
someone tells you major life altering loss and grief from two years ago, don’t try to offer solutions to fix the problem.
So your solution is ‘fuck trying to be helpful, they’re finished, don’t even bother’? As someone who is in a similar situation to OP, kindly eat shit and die. I will happily look into ways to regain my mobility, cognitive sharpness, and retrain my brain to overcome my loses, and I’m sure as fuck others would as well. It’s fucking awful to be effectively chained to a bed or chair, forced to watch your life fade away, unable to do anything. I’m always up for trying new medical tech and therapy methods, and I go back to therapy every couple years to try again, and try new ideas.
To have your state of mind is awful for yourself, but is nothing short of disgusting, hurtful, and distressing for others. Truly, fuck you.
I got COVID related tinnitus, avoiding beans, and certain soy based oils helps slightly, but it’s not consistent.
I stay healthy by doing painful amounts of exercise each day even if it feels like it’s killing me. It often feels like dying, and sometimes makes me very depressed (all my energy going into it, and being unable to think clearly after). But pushing my exercise limits every day, taking at most one day a week off for rest/recovery has helped.
