I tried chatting on some of the recommended apps on Reddit and I can confirm that none of them work.
Which bring me to the following question: How do you find people who are interested in long-term relationships online?
Note: Please don’t suggest looking in the real life.
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I can confirm that apps work. Half of my relationships as an adult are from online dating.
What are the other half from?
I’m in the divorce process and in many ways I’m terrified of reaching the point where I am past the grief and feeling a need to fill that void.
We met over ten years ago because I posted a personals ad on a local r4r titled “Creepy guy seeks woman way out of his league”. Everything seems 5000x more gamified now.
I’m somewhat awkward, so I’m a lot more comfortable putting off phone or video for a few days. With that said, I really want to avoid the shame and frustration that comes with taking a full hour to realize I’ve been treating a chatbot like a real human being.
You can confirm none of them work? They can work. Sometimes you have to give it time. I met my wife on tinder. The thing is it takes a while. I didn’t meet the love of my life on there after a single day or week. I was on the app for a couple years. It’s hit or miss and takes learning.
Yup, I had the same thought. I met my partner of 5 years on okcupid, but it also took me years of messages/dates/flings before we found each other. Dating and finding a good match is complicated and so much of it is purely a numbers game. Online dating apps are just a vehicle to expose you to more/different people. They aren’t some binary that either does or does not work.
Shared experiences help with longer term relationships. I regret I’m not focusing on the finding part but more of identifying how to hold onto it. I think the shared experiences matter more than how you find the people.
I’ve done this specifically by playing a video game, joining a clan, and joining the discord. I focused on who I clicked with most and spent time with them. I also think making some effort to meet IRL helps after a while. Having a game or a hobby in common isn’t really enough because it can be very thin. If you don’t care about any IRL things then force other shared experiences that are tangential to what brought you together. That helps me too.
Having reached my 40s, I’ve kind of given up on this sadly. With my work schedule and what it takes out of me, I’ve realized that I’m not that great of a friend anyhow. I can be flaky honestly. But there’s a hole inside of me that I’ve always wanted to fill with a friend, a real connection beyond typical friendship. I’m leaving that hole open but I’ve learned to avoid looking at it. Hope you find your friend.
Too relatable, sadly. I’m here if you want to talk.
Preaching the end of the world - Chris Cornell
Edit: probably should explain that i was listening to this song when i read your comment and the one up from yours
Guilds in MMOs
Met my partner in a MUD, kind of a text-based pre-MMO. He was tank, I was healer, it was meant to be.
In general, talking with people who are doing a thing you are interested in too. The way I see it, maybe 10% of people are “friend” potential, 1% “good friend” potential, and .1% partner potential. You’ll want to look in populations where you have something in common with the people, and thus the odds a bit higher.
Holy shit other people mentioning a MUD. Not something i expected to hear today
Just when the guild splinters in two because a clique will fix all the problems with the old guild, always go with the new folk, they will appreciate your loyalty. At least until y’all invariably splinter again, but then you’ll get new appreciation!
This person guilds
Genuinely met my partner on ESO
This isn’t so easy although it does happen. Most people aren’t meant to be in your life long-term IMHO and this typically isn’t the expectation that others will have when talking to randoms online. I met my wife on a porn site, although I wouldn’t recommend attempting to execute such a strategy for example. I recommend online activities that encourage interacting with a small group ofpeople on a consistent basis, such as a DND group, rolepaying, or perhaps writing short stories where you get the chance to know each other better while enjoying an activity that already makes you happy if you can find one.
I met my wife on a porn site
You cant leave us hanging like this, should they make it into a Hallmark movie ? Performer? was she a performer or were you, both ? Or both just fellow connisuers?
Sorry! No, we’re not performers nor especially attractive. In the interest of keeping it family-friendly we have a special interest and we connected because we were both fans of the same performer who is associated with and known for that special interest content that not many people like to enjoy. We are also avid writers so we wrote stories based on that special interest, and then we ended up getting to know each other through that writing. Writing is how we expressed those feelings that we can’t share with other people who don’t understand us as easily. After about a year of hanging out virtually I took a week off work and came to visit.
I gotta say, that’s really sweet.
Even if it’s because of some 11/10 degen shit that kicked it off. Maybe especially because of it.
I can’t be the only one itching to know what kind of degen shit it was, can I?
I mean, sure, but they very carefully spent most of that big assed paragraph not saying it, it would be rude to press further.
Bonk
I’d watch this documentary.
I’m so jealous lol. but, happy that you get to have your happy. <3 with love. have a great christmas and new year
“If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.”
“Don’t think about that for too long or blood will begin to shoot out your nose!”
👀
Engage in spaces and areas where there will be other people with similar interests. That may be a fan club for a hobby you love, a game with multiplayer elements, etc.
I was going to post similar but, you nailed it. OP needs to figure out what they do online and find the places where people connect doing those things.
MMOs maybe. I’ve met some cool people this way
That is where I met my wife and my best friend.
Holy crap, I didn’t realize that site still existed. I’ve since lost touch, but I actually met some cool people from around the world that I was friends with for years through that site when I was a teenager 20 years ago.
Lots of my long-term friendships started with open-source projects. If that’s your kind of thing, it’s worth looking into. Either way it usually all boils down to a common hobby.
Those who code together hold together.
You can meet a partner in league of legends. Your match history and most played champions are like a free personality test that both of you and the rest of the world have access to.
You’ll be sleeping with one eye open for the rest of your life though.
I’d rather die alone than play league
Facebook Dating has ironically been miles beyond other sites imo. It’s completely free and the algorithm works very well. There’s also a section for finding friends if dates aren’t your thing.
I believe Facebook Dating is dead.
I’m the sergeant-at-arms of the Scranton New Jersey insect club. We’re looking for a new treasurer. If you like creepy crawlies and are good with counting pocket change, give us a call.
Searching for friends online isn’t going to fix the fact that you’re a nihilistic sad-sack whose interactions with people are always fundamentally unpleasant. Nobody wants to hang around someone who only says sad shit and no-one wants to be asked for advice then have their ideas shit on. That’s why so many depressed people turn into comedians, if you’re gonna say awful shit you at least need to wrap that turd up in some party paper and put a bow on top.
This isn’t even me telling you not to look online; that’s actually completely fine. It just won’t actually fix the problem because your problem isn’t the format, it’s your attitude. This is blunt as shit but I worry if I state it less than completely explicitly you’ll gloss over it, and I wouldn’t say it at all if I didn’t think it was something you could change about yourself.
This is beyond true. It’s the mindset you bring to the table op. Don’t try to be something you’re not out something like that but you will have to try to be the version of yourself people want to talk to hang out with and be with. I know it’s not always sustainable but it’s much more important in the beginning.
Are you coming undone like this because they said “facebook dating is dead”?
What did they say that made you feel you need to try to dismiss/delegitamize them?
The fact that they were doing exactly what you’re accusing me of to somebody making a mild comment like “facebook dating is dead”. What the hell is wrong with people? Feeling the need to cyberbully and denegrate someone for that little comment is psychopathic.
I can confirm that it’s not dead in my city in the US as of today
Ignore this idiot that’s shitting on you for this comment. Some people can’t help being dickheads if they see an opening.
How do you find people who are interested in long-term relationships online?
In my experience, this is rare. Most people who meet others online started as friends with some common interest. I met my wife like this. It was never with the intention of a long term relationship, we were just friends online. We knew each other as friends for 2 years before getting together.
I would recommend DnD (or other games) as others have suggested too.
Also this is kind of random and I have no idea if it is a good idea, but maybe try https://duolicious.app/ - I saw it randomly the other day and your post reminded me of it.
Find a game and join a clan! Doesn’t matter the type of game either. I’ve made lots of friends who all play Beat Saber. We get together (online) to play for a few hours every Sunday.
We have a blast discussing the endless statistics of BeatLeader, share jokes/memes, etc on Discord all day every day (haha). It’s a lot of fun.
