I never really understood why people misunderstand or denounce the experience of ace people…
Ignoring some nuance, it feels like it’s simply “feels no or reduced sexual attraction”. That sounds pretty clear to me; that feeling you get when you look at a pretty lady? They don’t experience that.
Yet there’s always statements like “but they have sex!”, “But they like being tied up!” and “They’re in a relationship!”. People gotta overcomplicate things or look for reasons to discredit them, I guess?
I guess it always felt the same to me as when they said I’d eventually want a baby.
When I was younger and living in a conservative area, it seemed like I was broken. where people often started conversations by asking about my husband/boyfriend/crush before hitting oh, you must be one of those weird women who doesn’t want husband/house/kids. a lesbian. (you’ll obviously eventually want sex and progeny. to do otherwise is just… immature, especially in a woman.)
When I was older and had moved to an area with a lot more different kinds of folks and it came up less, it’s just who I am. if some wiseass thinks they know better about how I feel - well, they’re definitely not relationship material. not even friends.
and it’s a spectrum. I currently have a partner I see every 6-8 weeks, which works for us. but for decades it would be easier to say I was ace than try to explain the circumstances where that might change.
Surely you see how saying “I don’t like sex” and “I have sex” seem contradictory, right? If you express those two ideas how is it not logical to conclude that you’re either just an idiot or are talking about rape? How does those two statements lead to the conclusion of “you most be asexual”?
If your a person who has sex, what makes you asexual and not a person with low libido?
As I understand it, some ace people find sex gross and obviously want to avoid anything relating to it it, but some are neutral towards it. If they are with a partner that likes sex, then they may enjoy having sex because it makes their partner happy. Or maybe they find the physical sensations enjoyable, but not looking at porn/people. Or maybe they just want to do it for good prostate health.
They are not contradictory because “I don’t like sex” (which I didn’t actually say) doesn’t necessarily imply “I dislike the idea of sex”.
I think it varies from person to person, so yeah, more of a spectrum. I’m not ace myself and don’t follow the community that closely so I’m not sure the exact definitions.
I never really understood why people misunderstand or denounce the experience of ace people…
Ignoring some nuance, it feels like it’s simply “feels no or reduced sexual attraction”. That sounds pretty clear to me; that feeling you get when you look at a pretty lady? They don’t experience that.
Yet there’s always statements like “but they have sex!”, “But they like being tied up!” and “They’re in a relationship!”. People gotta overcomplicate things or look for reasons to discredit them, I guess?
I guess it always felt the same to me as when they said I’d eventually want a baby.
When I was younger and living in a conservative area, it seemed like I was broken. where people often started conversations by asking about my husband/boyfriend/crush before hitting oh, you must be one of those weird women who doesn’t want husband/house/kids. a lesbian. (you’ll obviously eventually want sex and progeny. to do otherwise is just… immature, especially in a woman.)
When I was older and had moved to an area with a lot more different kinds of folks and it came up less, it’s just who I am. if some wiseass thinks they know better about how I feel - well, they’re definitely not relationship material. not even friends.
and it’s a spectrum. I currently have a partner I see every 6-8 weeks, which works for us. but for decades it would be easier to say I was ace than try to explain the circumstances where that might change.
Surely you see how saying “I don’t like sex” and “I have sex” seem contradictory, right? If you express those two ideas how is it not logical to conclude that you’re either just an idiot or are talking about rape? How does those two statements lead to the conclusion of “you most be asexual”?
If your a person who has sex, what makes you asexual and not a person with low libido?
As I understand it, some ace people find sex gross and obviously want to avoid anything relating to it it, but some are neutral towards it. If they are with a partner that likes sex, then they may enjoy having sex because it makes their partner happy. Or maybe they find the physical sensations enjoyable, but not looking at porn/people. Or maybe they just want to do it for good prostate health.
They are not contradictory because “I don’t like sex” (which I didn’t actually say) doesn’t necessarily imply “I dislike the idea of sex”.
So it’s the sexual attraction that’s missing, but not the sexual drive? or is it more of a spectrum?
I think it varies from person to person, so yeah, more of a spectrum. I’m not ace myself and don’t follow the community that closely so I’m not sure the exact definitions.