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I simply can’t imagine. I can see being homosexual, transsexual, bisexual, everything in between. I cannot see being nosexual. To me that’s like saying, “I don’t care to eat food.” Yes, I’ve always been a total slut.
Good thing we have them though! Just like any other sexuality that doesn’t reproduce, evolution gave some favor to those that could contribute to the tribe without the burden of child raising.
Are there people whom you look at, but don’t experience sexual attraction to?
Imagine that’s every person. No matter who they are or what they look like, they’re just… other humans. You never have any desire, nor need to be close with someone. That entire part of life just doesn’t exist.
Now imagine that every time you get turned on, it’s just the “physical” aspects. You feel the hormones, the need to release some tension. But it’s never tied to a particular person or body part.
The sensation is akin to being hungry, but not “in the mood” to eat anything
I should note, that this is just my personal experiences, and is not universal. Some aces still want romantic relationships (I don’t: aka aroace).
Also, some aces are “sex averse”, and can even find masturbation annoying or unpleasant in some way
Alternatively, some aces can have fetishes or reliable turn-on’s
You know, you’re totally right, we “do” need a term for always being hungry but never in the mood to eat anything.
Maybe you’re ahungry
sorry, I’ll see myself out
But we already have that? The term is “being hungry”. Hunger and appetite are 2 different things, that’s why we have 2 different words for them
Now imagine that every time you get turned on, it’s just the “physical” aspects. You feel the hormones, the need to release some tension. But it’s never tied to a particular person or body part. The sensation is akin to being hungry, but not “in the mood” to eat anything
Thank you. This actually really cleared up the middle row of the comic for me.
What is something you wish normies stopped doing to you?
Mostly ask when I’m gonna get a girlfriend / married / or have kids
Although, most of the relatives have stopped asking, or just accepted that I’ll always be single
Also, boy “locker room” talk always made me uncomfortable
Thanks for indulging me. If I may? I’m not from the U.S., didn’t have locker rooms in schools. What is locker room talk?
Mostly boys admiring the boobs or butts of girls
Them: “Yo man, check out her ass… She’s so hot”
How i want to reply: “Yep, that’s a gluteus maximus, although I don’t see her sweating”
I think we can all do without inappropriate meddling into one another’s lives and objectifying. Thanks again.
Locker room talk doesn’t literally have to happen in a locker room, it’s just slang for talking about womens sex appeal whilst in a group of men without any women present
I’m not ace but I can’t stand that shit. Also the way men feel the need to subtlety bully each other as part of their friendship.
Imagine a person you’re not attracted to. Not necessarily a person you dislike, just someone you’re not sexually attracted to. Now imagine you feel the same about every person. That’s it
That step 1 is the bit I have trouble with. I can picture people I don’t like who I don’t want sex with (though also some I do)
You really have no people you like but don’t want to have sex with? No one who’s like 8 or 80?
It really was a joke. I guess tone doesn’t carry over in text when one makes no attempt to show it
Think of some other animal then. Are you fond of anything but also don’t want to fuck them? The horny libido light just never turns on.
There was an interesting podcast episodes recently about a marathon runner completely indifferent about food. Until he noticed a weirdly irresistable cookbook in a window of a shop…
spoiler
It was brain cancer
What I will never get is a concept of gender. I never FELT like a certain gender, similar to how I don’t feel like a certain blood type. Both are just some attributes I was born with, without any strong feelings.
I strongly feel like I’m O+, and there should not be any A or Bs in my public bathrooms!
We, uh, reproduce just fine. Having few to no sexual urges is rather different from never having sex. Plenty of people eat even when they’re not hungry, or for reasons other than hinger.
Asexuality and sex-repulsion are orthogonal spectra.
Contrary to crappy jokes on TV, most people (even men) aren’t thinking about sex 24/7
There are many good reasons to eat! Hunger! Boredom! Wanting to be the world’s fattest man! But not revenge.
Just like any other sexuality that doesn’t reproduce, evolution gave some favor to those that could contribute to the tribe without the burden of child raising.
How does evolution come into play there?
Biologists have been pondering why homosexuality is so prevalent in the animal kingdom and their explanation for this is a positive evolutionary pressure that benefits the species.
So naturally:
The “gay uncle hypothesis” posits that people who themselves do not have children may nonetheless increase the prevalence of their family’s genes in future generations by providing resources (e.g., food, supervision, defense, shelter) to the offspring of their closest relatives.
Note that it’s only a hypothesis since the research hasn’t been conclusive.
Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biology_and_sexual_orientation#General
“Gay uncle hypothosis” people that don’t reproduce increase the likely hood of children surviving, by providing resources to those they love that do reproduce.
There are people who don’t really enjoy food either. They might be fantasizing about replacing all eating with just taking a pill, or they might be soylent enthusiasts.
There are also people who don’t enjoy any music; misophonics.
And here I am, sex-repulsed asexual. The whole sex thing is just incredibly gross, and I’m taking this virginity to my grave (I’m 39, I’m over halfway there!) and no one can stop me. I’ve never even been sexually aroused at all.
Indeed, all types are present.
Interestingly I can agree on the grossness of it, only when “the mood”™ arises a kind of nasty turns into attractively naughty. It’s a strange alteration. Like the new texture of a food you might find somewhat repulsive at first suddenly becomes highly addictive or desirable when you give in to it. The sleazy feeling of wanting to keep popping bubble wrap plastic without stopping.
This differs based on time, context (persons) and general mood.
I wonder if at a base level we have kind of the same attitude, but the hormonal alteration or lack thereof is what creates the differences and clouds my mind while yours stay sharp.
I like dick, but I’m not that into sex tbf. Regular sex is just a task for me. But… since I’m a woman, once a month I get horny as fuck
Being allosexual sounds exhausting. You get some kind of feels for a person just by looking at them? I can’t wrap my head around that. Or sex drives. I don’t mind participating, but I could live the rest of my life not having sex just like I could live the rest of my life not eating a specific kind of cereal.
To me sex is optional. I don’t usually even think about it unless our allo centered world forces me to.
And here I am, both ace and hate eating.
Born too late to be a philosopher, born too early to become a robot
I’m not ace but I really need cuddles too
🤗
I’m glad that Asexuality is getting more attention. So many people have said, “Well, you must be attracted to somebody.” To me it’s like admiring a pretty vase, or a work of art. I can see that it’s beautiful, but I still don’t want to have relations with it.
You just haven’t met the right vase yet.
Asexuality is simply fear of rejection and/or insecurity. CMV.
I think if that was the case, Ace people would just stick to “sure things?”
Edit: Also, ace people can have relationships. It can’t be about rejection if Ace people have people asking and accepting offers to be with them.
Why have sex when you can have cake?
Because the cake is a lie, duh
Your comment was a triumph!
I’m making a note here, the comment was a huge success!
But you can’t have cake and eat it too.
I mean, you absolutely can, you just have to make two cakes
it refers to the one cake. “You can’t have a cake and eat another one” would be yours.
But I like your attitude! Can you make me two cakes? I’m totally not going to eat both of them (I am but don’t tell anyone)
I was taking it to refer to just some amount of possessed cake regardless of its subdivisions, It doesnt strike me as odd to refer to food that way (same as how, if I made you a bunch of french fries, it wouldn’t be terribly unusual for me to ask “do you like it?” while referring to the meal, despite it being made up of many individual units).
True, without article (the or a), your reading totally makes sense
Two cakes? Not with this egg shortage.
deleted by creator
You can’t eat your cake and have it too.
This is the original, better version
I’ve never understood it the other way around, you definitionally have to have your cake to eat it.
What one wants to do is eat the cake and then still have it…
I suspect the cause is that the the layperson couldn’t wrap their head around the original version (because it’s supposed to be a paradox) and ended up switching it around to “make sense”
What if I just take a bite?
I’ll allow it
I have never understood this saying.
you can’t have your thing if you also eat it (it will be gone inside of you)
But if it’s yours, didn’t you have it?
but it isn’t the thing anymore. so no, it is now something different, while soon to become a poop
Okay. Got it. Thanks!
I never really understood why people misunderstand or denounce the experience of ace people…
Ignoring some nuance, it feels like it’s simply “feels no or reduced sexual attraction”. That sounds pretty clear to me; that feeling you get when you look at a pretty lady? They don’t experience that.
Yet there’s always statements like “but they have sex!”, “But they like being tied up!” and “They’re in a relationship!”. People gotta overcomplicate things or look for reasons to discredit them, I guess?
I guess it always felt the same to me as when they said I’d eventually want a baby.
When I was younger and living in a conservative area, it seemed like I was broken. where people often started conversations by asking about my husband/boyfriend/crush before hitting oh, you must be one of those weird women who doesn’t want husband/house/kids. a lesbian. (you’ll obviously eventually want sex and progeny. to do otherwise is just… immature, especially in a woman.)
When I was older and had moved to an area with a lot more different kinds of folks and it came up less, it’s just who I am. if some wiseass thinks they know better about how I feel - well, they’re definitely not relationship material. not even friends.
and it’s a spectrum. I currently have a partner I see every 6-8 weeks, which works for us. but for decades it would be easier to say I was ace than try to explain the circumstances where that might change.
Surely you see how saying “I don’t like sex” and “I have sex” seem contradictory, right? If you express those two ideas how is it not logical to conclude that you’re either just an idiot or are talking about rape? How does those two statements lead to the conclusion of “you most be asexual”?
If your a person who has sex, what makes you asexual and not a person with low libido?
As I understand it, some ace people find sex gross and obviously want to avoid anything relating to it it, but some are neutral towards it. If they are with a partner that likes sex, then they may enjoy having sex because it makes their partner happy. Or maybe they find the physical sensations enjoyable, but not looking at porn/people. Or maybe they just want to do it for good prostate health.
They are not contradictory because “I don’t like sex” (which I didn’t actually say) doesn’t necessarily imply “I dislike the idea of sex”.
So it’s the sexual attraction that’s missing, but not the sexual drive? or is it more of a spectrum?
I think it varies from person to person, so yeah, more of a spectrum. I’m not ace myself and don’t follow the community that closely so I’m not sure the exact definitions.
Ironically enough, lots of people throughout my life have claimed that I’m asexual (but i am not), in fact, almost assured me that i’m asexual. It’s really funny if it wouldn’t be so hurt-causing how wrong people can be sometimes.
(I had a crush on a girl and later found out other’s have told her i’m asexual behind my back even though i am not.)
I genuinely wish I were an aro ace. I am generally able to draw a lot of satisfaction, enjoyment, and contentment from pursuing my hobbies and interests. Unfortunately I still have a very strong drive/desire for relations of all kinds with someone I find mentally and physically attractive. Unfortunately being on the spectrum makes things even more difficult than it already is for everyone in that regard. Such is life though, we all struggle with something.
I don’t understand why you need to do public something that is supposed so be part of your private life. What do you expect to get from society when you show your sexual or non sexual preference? You will be always be rejected by a portion of it. Just because you are different. For me is irrelevant what other choose, they are people just like me and that’s enough. I don’t have to discuss about those things with anyone. It’s the choose and freedom as humans.
For me is irrelevant what other choose, they are people just like me and that’s enough.
As far as I understand, the whole point is that some people don’t think it’s irrelevant and discriminate others based on their sexuality (or lack thereof). So they make it public and open up about it to show that it is not bad and lots of people are like that - that’s kinda the whole point of the pride parades I think?
There will be always people that don’t like you because you are different . Because is a personal and private subject. They feel they can judge . So is like feeding them. We have to protect of private and personal word. I don’t agree is the way.
They don’t want to have to hide who they are, make up lies, etc. They are demanding the right to be who they are. I think it’s great.
Gay couples shouldnt have to stay secret, trans people shouldnt have to stay locked in their homes.
I deserve to exist as a human in public.It’s one thing to openly be a happy gay couple, and another going to excessive lengths to make sure everyone witnesses you as gay.
A minority will fight back, because no one can please everyone, but for most people, it’s as annoying as straight/religious/republicans/etc. people making that trait their personality. We don’t care, just make the world better by being happy with yourself.
I totally agree. But the solution i think is not exposing yourself. And not because one is gay or not. Its because is your private life, it’s a double-edged weapon. I repeat, not just exposing if you are gay or not, anything that is my sexual life, i keep it private. Because is part of your “sacred temple” or those tings that makes you unique. I think the fight should be without exposition, because we are talking about RIGHTS, human rights, no need of self exposition, is what we deserve as humans beings. Everyone.
You’re completely missing the opposite though. Should straight-cis-whatever be just as private? How does that work with media and entertainment? What types of relationships are being used to tell a story and how does that effect someone watching? You can’t just say it should stay Private when every piece of our society-fabric is woven with hetero storytelling/traditions.
A traditional marriage is a heterosexual parade (even have throwing shit and jumbling cans behind the car so everyone knows!).
Also, I’m not sure you’re aware of this (I guess), but most people in history just don’t come out exclaiming their sexual preferences. They were outted and condemned by the communities and people in it. They suffer in silence while those around them judge and make their lives harder (or end them). You can’t ask a whole swath of people to stay “private” while others celebrate their relationship openly, I don’t even understand how you can equate all of this together honestly. This just seems like a “don’t dress provocative if you don’t want to be raped” kinda view.
Those people are called bigots and we should continue to expose and ridicule them for their idiotic biases.
They are not just bigots, they are people that were rised with a poor point of view and they attach to the point of view of others without having a criticism mentality. They just repeat . Like religion. The problem if you expose your private life as a cost, society is fucked up and doesn’t matter people will always criticize you. No matter if is of sexual orientation or if you don’t like football. Or alcohol.
Bigotry thrives on ignorance. By coming out and speaking up, people are actively challenging a status quo that enables such ignorance.
You’ll sometimes notice this when a homophonic parent has to confront their own child coming out instead of just a bogeyman ‘other’. Not always, but occasionally, they’ll actually rethink their ingrained biases.
What do you expect to get from society when you show your sexual or non sexual preference?
wait until you find out about what straight people do every day.
It’s hard to have an entire intimate relationship with someone, entirely privately. Thus the fallacy of “just go fuck people in private” yeah, everyone does, good point bro. I’m sure this will meaningfully change the path of the argument going forward, oh wait this is just a classic nazi run-around statement.
To be clear, i am relatively in line with your post here. I don’t give a fuck, nobody needs to know about my personal life and my relationships. But that’s the thing i don’t care many people DO care. I’m just not one of them.
Realistically, the best bet is for nobody to care about anything ever, but that will never happen.
wait until you find out about what straight people do every day. I agree with you on that, and for me thats disgusting . It’s not a matter of the orientation is exhibiting your sexuality. I have some friend that are typically male alpha blah and they don’t talk with me about how many girls they fucked last time because they know I don’t care. I have gay friends that are almost sex predators and they talk in a way sometimes I have to stop them. I think the issue is more related to how people stopped taking care of theyr personal life and they have to show all in a supposed effort of freedom. But that’s not freedom . Freedom is not having a government punishing you because your sexual orientation . You can’t do much about society. You are no sexual teachers. You are not anyone to tell how the other needs to think.
Maybe you should stop being friends with sex predators. Being gay does not prevent you from being an abusive asshole, and should not shield you from being called out if you are one.
Eh I mostly agree with you but if you really expand the scale of it all I think it starts to at least make a little more sense why some smaller groups pop up now and then raising awareness for one specific proclivity or the other. Actually it has a lot to do with what you just expressed I think.
It sounds like your opinion about preference and rejection comes from a place of self confidence. That’s a good thing but I’m sure you can imagine how that could be harder for people who don’t understand themselves and their own feelings as well.
For many people, sexual preferences are not a big personal issue that will cause them a great deal of stress in their day to day life. For some, the very fact that they do not align with their peers can make things really uncomfortable and uncertain especially around the more formitive years of establishing who they are as a person even just in their own mind.
Even heterosexual people have to achieve that introspection but we get the benefit of having lots of personal relationships with similar leaning people to build our frames of references.
Sometimes that is also an optuion for the more common non-heterosexual variations but that is mostly thanks to the greatly increased social presence which has the simultaneous effect of reducing the general stigma around such topics.
The more successful these groups oh like minded people become in projecting their influence the less they need to do so but most of the groups who championed these causes over the last decade or so realized how powerful an impact just growing awareness had for so many people that would otherwise have no support from their peers and while it’s not quite as necessary to raise awareness as much for the most common members (the L-esbians, G-ay, B-isexuals…) the rest are still trying to catch up with the leading edge of the awareness movement.
TLDR, the spreading of broad awareness isn’t so much about labeling themselves for people who don’t care as it is for the benefit of others who feel the same way but don’t know they have peers that can help them understand themselves.
So, I know you got a lot of replies to this already (probably more than you expected lol) but I’d like to throw in my 2 cents.
For me, there’s two big reasons to be public about your sexual preferences. The first of those is awareness. For me, I grew up homeschooled in an extremely rural area. My parents did their best with the whole ‘birds and bees’ thing and gave me books to handle puberty stuff (which worked really well for me since I read an insane amount back then). But none of those really went over anything about different sexual preferenes, leading me to waiting my entire teenage life for that point where I’m supposed to suddenly start being into girls (or guys, bc that had enough media attention at that point where I was dimly aware lol).
It was only thanks to the internet- I think posts about it during pride month- that I even learned about asexuality as a concept. If nobody talked about that kind of stuff at all, I’d still probably be feeling like I was supposed to feel physically attracted towards people yet for some reason didn’t.
The second reason, is for equal rights. We don’t live in a perfect world, and people discriminate against others. And you can’t just hide everything- you can be quiet about it, sure, but for example: if you’re gay, and in a committed relationship, people are going to notice it the same way they’d notice if you’re in a committed relationship with someone of the opposite gender. And many people have backwards views that would cause them to discriminate against you for that. One shouldn’t have to be afraid that if their boss finds out they’re gay, they’ll lose their job.
We have protections against discrimination for that, but those protections didn’t come into existance because people were quiet about that. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, so to speak. And same goes for gay marriage- that was only a relatively recent change, but it would not have happened if not for gay people making their presence known and demanding they should have the same rights to marriage as hetero couples.
As much as I’d love to be in a world where we don’t need to worry about all that anymore because we have those rights now, there’s still a lot of people in positions of power who hold a lot of unjust prejudice against lgbtq folk. Especially with the current state of politics here in the USA. And I don’t see that changing anytime too soon, either.
100%.
I’m all for acceptance but broadcasting your sexuality is strange and unnecessary. I understand there’s some need for it for acceptance etc, but the amount of shit on Lemmy about your sexual orientation is overboard. I don’t care or want to know who you fuck.
Make War not Love
That is not what the ace of spaces generally connotes.
People use the phonetic shortening “ace” to refer to asexuals. And then some asexuals leaned into that and use playing card suits to indicate how their stance on romance is. So, an ace of hearts indicates someone who’s not into sex, but does enjoy romance. Whereas the ace of spades (being kind of an upside-down heart) says that they enjoy neither sex nor romance.
Except with black men lol (I mostly kid, but it is definitely a thing for people with certain very politically incorrect fetishes). As someone who recently got VERY into the history of playing cards, diamonds could also be a very good fit, the original suit being pentacles, associated with the classical element of earth as well as food, wealth, and other material enjoyments (I want cheesecake more than sex anyone)?
There should just be another category so that people who are not on this spectrum can more easily understand (and therefore, hopefully, empathize), AND these categories should be used more often.
Asexual kinda denotes ONLY having no sexual desires, lust, urges, etc. and therefore will just confuse people. Both Ace of Spades and Ace of Hearts fit this.
But if you actually are lusting after people… Then it would be better there be something different to help understand that, such as Sex Repulsed / Forced Urged (You have lust but absolutely no desire to do anything, like feeling hungry but don’t want to eat nasty food) or even just Low Libido (very rarely feel anything related to lust).
There is for example Demisexuals, which is for people who only can feel sexual desires with someone they form an intimate bond with (which I agree is a spectrum of asexuality as there’s absolutely no lust until there is) But there isn’t anything for people who do lust but either very little or are repulsed by it, as far as I know. There’s not an absence of lust in those cases at any point, just a lack of want or amount.
i have a sex
The implication that only asexuals ever have anything on their minds other than sex is more than a bit ridiculous.
Yes, yes, of course. Why didn’t the author think about you in all of this?
“I like pancakes” “So you hate waffles?”
#teamwaffles
Same taste, more surface area.
I like both, actually
I am a pan-cakeual
I don’t think this is implied. The idea is probably that, like so many things, it’s on a spectrum and ‘asexual’ would describe one end of the spectrum. There is another end of the spectrum, but no one is saying everyone is on the outer end of it. But I must admit, I do somewhat share your sentiment, I’ve read lots of things by self-proclaimed asexuals in which I recognize myself, but I also think I have a quite average sexdrive. It makes me wonder if some people aren’t just a bit too eager to define themselves as different from the norm. I’m not talking about the further end of the spectrum, but there are those that really aren’t that different from your average person, but seem to want a box to fit in. Reading their description I would place them somewhere in the middle and still they describe themselves as asexual. Not that I care, go ahead, define yourself whatever way you want, if you want to think that you’re very different go ahead, it really doesn’t bother me, and who knows maybe you’re right, who am I to tell you you’re wrong?
