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I’ve had what many would call anhedonia for so long that often I question myself when I am happy. I ask “what is this feeling about” and the happiness realizes itself for what it is.
I went through that for a few years once. You start to distrust yourself and your emotions, and the spiral only deepens. I remember all I would do is work, sometimes eat, sometimes shower, and go to bed. I was just a shell of a person, and I don’t want that for anyone. No one can truly understand unless they’ve had it. It was a long struggle, but I eventually made it out. I hope you do the same.
What changed that got you out of the hole?
I ask because there’s no way it’s just a phobia. Every single time anything goes well something bad happens to balance it out. Yesterday afternoon I went for a ride in the nice weather but it turned out my scooter wasn’t plugged in fully so I only had 50% plus the tires were flat so the mileage was awful. Couldn’t ride for as long as I wanted. Went to the gym and reached my goals and also bought some fast food in the same day despite these bad omens and some of the food leaked in my bag on the way home onto my gym clothes then my phone holder randomly broke so I’ll need a new one. Also my scooter tires were flat so I had to inflate them which took a long time and almost made me late to work. The valve is hard to unscrew and I got a blister on my thumb that hurts like hell. Also my back hurts horribly and it’s interfering with my job alongside that stupid blister. Everything good comes with something at least 1.5x worse. My boyfriend is annoyed at how overprotective and overbearing I am of him, but every time I find someone I actually enjoy being around, they die. I can’t take it anymore.
None at all. What is it?
Irrational fear of happiness
I don’t think I know anyone who has that, off the top of my head. It sounds like severe trauma would be needed to instill that into someone.
