I am so fucking tempted right now. To the point of maybe next time I’m at a party supply store. To purchase one of them helium to go tanks and couple packs of balloons. I know I stand a slight chance of absolutely fucking up some ones day. But before that dread will kick in… I WILL be absolutely laughing my fucking head off with the guys to the point of needing to try to stop the funny because I’m gasping for air.
The blast blasted blubber beyond all believable bound. Is a magic incantation that will make you pee your pants.
‘sure that happened’ but moving on from that and taking it from a comedic stance: The absolute chaos of balloon harnessed roadkill just floating into traffic idk, fucking amazing mental picture there, lmfao. Or just dropping in front of a school bus and splattering on the windshield, children screaming, etc. There’s def a couple comedy sketches that could be done there.
So, Sir, you’re trying to tell me the deer that’s lodged into your grill was already dead and “floated” into the road. Sure. Let’s go down to the station for an extended drug screening.
I wonder how much a weather ballon could lift?..…
So I had to look. A 1200g (weight of the balloon) can lift about 12 pounds fully inflated. Most road kill you see are does, and they weigh probably about a 100lbs. We’ll figure you’d need some extra lift so if we went with 10 balloons that should be enough. Problem is I could only find 1000g balloons. Had to redo some calculations but I think it should be able to lift about 7.5 lbs give or take. So to get to the 120lbs of lift we’d need 16 balloons. The balloons are over $100 and you’d need 16 of them, so you’d need almost $2000 worth of balloons. And not to mention the helium which back of the napkin calculations we’d need about 1800 cu ft of helium. Given the data on price I found for spot delivery you’re talking likely another $2k for the gas. So for the low low price of $4000, you could really make somebody really confused when it lands in there yard.
Amazing, haha
I didn’t understand any of that.
What is a wet specimen? Wouldn’t it take a bunch of balloons to float roadkill?
Why is a wet specimen and flying roadkill similar?
A normal-size balloon of helium can lift about 10 grams. Hares can be about 4 kilograms. Totally doable but that’s a lot of time, balloons and helium to just waste!
Anyway, here are some more species and approximate adult weight when alive:
- Bug (windshield): 0.1 g
- Frog: 20 g
- Mouse: 20 g
- Snail: 25 g
- Hedgehog: 600 g
- Rabbit: 1 kg
- Cat: 4 kg
- Moose: 600 kg
You don’t need a whole rabbit - half of a rabbit is just as much roadkill.
That’s why I’m listing the live weight. A dried-up rabbit carcass partially eaten by a fox will of course weigh less by a highly variable fraction, whose estimate I’m leaving up to you.
So you can lift a dead moose with 60 000 ballons?
Probably not, the cluster of balloons would be so big you’d need a considerable amount of string, and at some point the overhead will be so big that each balloon will add more weight than lift.
Still, a moose is probably possible, just with more balloons.
Or you attach the balloons to each other
Or, better yet, one BIG balloon!!!
…what do you mean this already exists
You can’t infinitely chain balloons because the string has limited tensile strength. There indeed is a limit but it’s pretty high, especially if you use a fishing line.
Hyatt disaster but for roadkill and balloons…
Hyatt disaster but the aftermath is just a sad realization you can’t recreate the movie Up
c/theyalmostdidmath ?
a wet specimen is a dead creature preserved in liquid
I’ll do you one better: what’s roadkill?
Dinner.
Spoken like a true wet specimen!
Animals that have been hit, and killed, by cars.
Can you imagine the confusion of a dead animal just falling in your front yard and witnessing that? This coworker’s spawning a whole ass religion
I don’t think dead animals can experience confusion.
ALL HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD
The gods must be crazy
Now I need to know how many dollar store balloons it takes to float a raccoon.
Somewhere between 500 and 2000, or more depending on weight.
Yeah I knew anything bigger than a squirrel would require something ridiculous. I’m thinking even a squirrel would set you back a bit given the scarcity and price of helium. The balloon is the cheap part.
Helium is portrayed as second most abundant element in the universe. Not scarce at all. Our ability to collect and make use of it, that’s scarce.
A squirrel would probably need about 100 balloons.
Second most abundant doesn’t really convey how much more abundant it is compared to other elements.
About 75% of all the mass in the universe is hydrogen, about 23% is helium, 1% oxygen, and that leaves just 1% for everything else.
Next useless project: design a small rigid airship for roadkill disposal.
There’s a lot of optimization that can be done to make OEM raccoons flight worthy.
Yep. We can place them on a diet, shave their fur, pump them full of helium… We have the technology.
…I need to get funnier coworkers.
No, I think he’s got a point
i am thoroughly disturbed
