I have spent some days deep in the rabbit hole of reading the stories of the communist in my country from the beginning of the 1900s up to WW2 and the way they were treated. About all the things that actually happened here that I was never taught in school. Horrible violence.

And I am just so angry. And feel deeply betrayed. And somehow soiled. I have cheered on the war veterans and heroes due to my f’n programming in the past. I have shat on those who this fascist regime left behind on purpose after being fed literal lies about my own history. Pretty sure the other half of my family has literally taken part in the fascicst project here and they always played the victim.

And I have lost the opportunity to listen to my other grandfather who was Red, to really talk to him, ask questions and understand. He is long dead now, when he was still here I probably wouldn’t have listened and maybe he was too scared to ever really talk about all that really happened in his lifetime.

I am just angry. And sad. We were absolutely on the wrong side of history and turned it into pride, it’s disgusting.

And if I try to mention any of this to the brainwormed people around me they look the other way or roll their eyes. And at the same time spend incredible amounts of time and energy at being outraged with the right-wing government while at the same time advancing Othering and cheering on war. It is literally the same path we were on in the 1930s.

How has an entire country been able to whitewash its own history so completely that almost nobody in it no longer understands what is going on? How has the capitalist class been this succesfull at this.

Just a rant, not going to fall into despair, but boy am I just angry.