Wasn’t sure if I wanted to put it out there, but I needed a place to let it out. I suppose my situation was too good to be true. Dated for years, but the marriage itself did not make it to a single year, at least unofficially.

It’s been a stressful time. She previously had a government job under an agency that doge culled. She loved her job. I realize that as a society we work too much, but to some degree people do want to feel productive and that many people find their workplaces to be places of belonging. She apologized for taking so long to come to this conclusion, but she mentioned that this time away from work has helped a lot with self-reflection.

I was aware that she considered herself bi previously and that she had relations with women before. I wasn’t aware of the extent of it. She told me she felt compulsory heterosexuality for a long time, but wasn’t entirely sure of it and I was her last chance in regards to men. She told me she still loved me, just not that way, and that I was the best partner she’d ever had, that she was remorseful about not being compatible in that regard. We discussed a lot of more private feelings, mostly trying to understand and showing concern for each other.

I support her. If that’s how she feels then that’s how she feels, and she deserves to be happy. I’m not angry with her, and we’re not leaving each others lives, just changing roles. It still hurts a lot, but that’s life sometimes. It isn’t anyone’s fault.

That said I’m glad I won’t be doing anything tomorrow. I’m just struggling to function right now. And yeah, that’s how it’s going.

Edit: I slept in today quite a bit. I’ve read through most of the replies and it really melted my heart. I cried a bit. I didn’t expect so many kind words or this much encouragement. I appreciate a lot of the advice too. I don’t really know how to express any gratitude beyond this. I will try to reply a bit more later, but I need to take some more time to myself for a while. Thank you.

  • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
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    12 hours ago

    Being angry with people for hurting you and lying to you is vilifying them? Sorry, are you suppose to what, be happy they did it?

    Shit does happen. That doesn’t mean people are blameless for their actions. When a DUI driver kills or hurts someone, do you think they planned it? Of course not. But we still hold them accountable for the harm they caused, and the victims of their actions should be angry.

    OP’s wife knew she was struggle with her identity, and went into this marriage full bore. She knew what she was doing. Maybe OP is partially at fault for accepting that into his life, as well, but that assumes she was totally honest with him from the start, which she may not have been. As he says ‘not the full extent’, as in she downplayed or mislead him.

    Then she further piles it on, as if this relationship was her ‘last chance’ to be straight. I wonder how OP would have felt if she told him that before they got married? By his account, her intent was to be deceptive and dishonest about her sexuality, perhaps to them both.