I monetize it. Sorry if that doesn’t help, but I find fetishisation one of the easier things in My life to deal with compared to all the transphobia and partner abuse I’ve suffered. Especially since My genital nullification surgery, My sex repulsion has been lower across the board since I got a body I like.
“genital nullification surgery” is not a term i’d expected to hear but i’m all the happier for it that it exists
Well I’m a transfem and a lesbian so two groups that regularly get fetishized. As almost a response I try to stand out as little as possible, wear clothes that cover as much as possible, and yeah on a societal level I don’t think people doing this is a good thing but on an individual level it makes me feel more safe.
I am Latina and femme presenting (although much more in the past than now). Although I wouldn’t say that I’ve moved towards an androgynous/masc presentation because of the fetishizing, I’d say it’s definitely helped with scaring some of the worst ones away. Also, I’m older now so less likely to be ogled at by a certain type of person.
When I was younger I worked in the service industry so I think it was a lot of me just “dealing with it” in the way that femmes are socialized to do. Just smile and brush it off or whatever. My self esteem wasn’t great and I have always been a people pleaser.
So to answer your question, it was gross and I didn’t manage it. Looking back on it now, I wish I’d told those people (one of whom I dated) to fuck right off.
Ohhhh yes being older has DEFINITELY helped. I’m less attractive therefore less creeped on
Hm, I don’t know you personally but I really don’t think being older is necessarily less attractive. Part of the harmful beauty standards of the patriarchy.
Maybe less attractive to the disgusting men who run our society and find prepubescent or barely pubescent children attractive?
We all have beauty, just society dictates which type of beauty holds more public value.
Last year, at 40 years old (I am just a white lady so it’s not actually relevant to the broader topic, only your comment but still), I was approached by an elderly man and he told me how nice it was to see ladies that still dressed like ladies. When I walk down town there’s a group of old guys that always yell out that I’m a “beautiful lady”. At a certain age, they don’t notice your age anymore and they think they can just say whatever they want because they’re old and no one will say anything. I’m not even conventionally attractive n any way.
I was on my way to a hair appointment anyways (I had hair almost touching my butt which paired with the dress made me ladylike apparently) as I was chopping off my hair to donate, but coming out of there with a short, androgynous haircut felt liberating after that. And it’s sad because enjoy looking feminine and feeling pretty but people tend to ruin it every time.
Queen girl here. I get fetishised A LOT. I don’t mind a bit of good natured banter about it, but I do mind the creepy comments… I even once on a night out had a man offer me and my partner money to go home with him! I deal with it by not showing that side publicly and smacking boundaries down hard when someone makes a comment that just goes too far
What do you mean by queen girl? I’ve not heard that term before.
Haha typo it’s supposed to say queer girl
Hey, why not both
Thx I understand now!
Trans girl and a lesbian - I don’t manage it :/ the creeps come out of the woodwork and it ruins my day or my week and I get scared to leave the house and eventually I leave the house again and rinse repeat.
White-presenting pansexual chick. Walking into a bar holding a girl’s hand got some disgusting comments. I used to be aggro as hell, so I’d get up in their faces to demand free drinks for the creep tax. I haven’t seen that problem in a while since moving to a more progressive city.
The other day a childhood friend and I talked about getting catcalled by men when we were like, 12-15, usually outside walking on hot summer days, wearing normal t-shirts and shorts. That was fucked up, but it happened so often we thought it was normal.
It happened when I was young and dressed fem more often. Regular creepy guy attention and also guys who thought I was trans fem. Mostly I tried to ignore and move on with my day.
Ageing + dressing androgynous has made that issue disappear completely, tho. At least with strangers. :D
Ditto that, big time! The more androgynous I dress the less people seem to think of me as being something sexual, which is great :-)
It works for me, but it sucks because anyone should wear whatever the fuck they want! Unfortunately this is how things are u_u.
Yes, people should be free to express themselves as they please
I didn’t and don’t. When an interaction occurs I just shut down now. I depersonalise and am unable to acknowledge to myself that it happened. If someone asks I’ll start talking about how bad my hearing is before anything else.
It wasn’t always like this though. For many years i thought that if I experienced trauma I would be aware of it in the moment. For many years i was exceptionally good at being my own advocate. But it catches up. Extremely lucky to have a psychologist who works at a few of the intersections I’m a part of.
I couldn’t do dating apps because of the number of cis women who ignored my bio saying t4t and DMed me wanting to dom thier husbands.
Or the men that ignored that i said no men and DMed me, despite having ticked all the boxes that said “no cis men”
