“I’m not allowed to sit in the Captain’s chair of the U.S.S Titan. There’s a clause in the insurance contract that specifies me, by name. I think that’s a little harsh.”

“Bollocks!”

”I AM A PILOTING GOD!”

Thanks, I tried to write this one to be really absurd in true BottomGear fashion :)

And the idea that you could accidently transfer malware if you didn’t do it carefully is the icing on the cake.

You can find more in this style if you look up “Bottom Gear” memes and yes, I think they are styled on ransom notes. Which also makes them a pain to make lol

“I order warp speed all the time. Sometimes you have to because the tea shop closes in five minutes. Otherwise, there’s no need to go beyond half impulse. We’ll both get there, but I’ll have a more pleasant Trek.”

Edit: I’m rapidly becoming very invested in this fictional universe.

Anything Utopia Planetia put out in the 2300s has a problem with buffeting when you go past warp six. It comes down to the heisenberg compensators, which were carried over from the old Mirandas to save a bit of cost. Starfleet fans will tell you that’s a myth, but try it; you’ll see.

Give me a Bajoran solar sailor any day. Now THOSE were real star trekkers. Hand crafted in a shed under brutal occupation is where you find the best ships, for my dollar.

Yup that’s… that’s fine. Good.