Why couldn’t this call be an email? Why would you call, when you know that you are near indistinguishable from spam calls about Microsoft services and Nigerian princes?
Phone calls also assume the person on the other end wants to be bothered. If you choose to not answer, you’re treated like the a-hole and are expected to explain why (“I’ve been trying to call you. Why haven’t you picked up?”)
“A telephone is a fantastically rude thing. I mean, it’s like going ‘speak to me now! Speak to me now! Speak to me now!’. If you went to someone’s office and banged on their desk and said, ‘I will make a noise until you speak to me’ it would be considered unbelievably rude.”
I was trying to explain to an elderly friend that people don’t just phone other people now and certainly not at times they will be doing something.
She found it hard to accept that many people find it rude to be called unannounced.
As an example, at one time if someone was organising a social event (eg party) they would phone around to invite people.
But that’s incredibly rude you are imposing on someone and also asking them to decide or excuse themselves on the spot.
I have a coworker that if you try to call her and she doesn’t want to talk she straight up changes her status to away or busy and then just ignores your call. She is an a-hole but not for this reason, lol.
Shortly after getting a cell phone, I made a personal policy that most people don’t get a free pass to interrupt my life whenever they want (there are a handful of people on the short list, of course). I’ve had friends and family comment that I’m hard to contact by phone, and I’ve always pleasantly agreed (and explained politely if they seem interested). Even texts or other messages can wait until I’m at a good place to respond.
For me, having my phone on silent most of the time is a mental health thing. I know people that have their attention diverted every few minutes, and I have no idea how they survive.
Try having a brain that is compelled to actively search for new distractions, and
Squirrel!!!
My wife has ADHD. I feel you, fam.
When my dad wants to talk, he texts me something like “Hey Stephen, give me a call when you have a chance”, and then I oblige when I have a chance. Most of the time it probably could have been an entirely text exchange, but whatever.
When my mom wants to talk, she just calls out of the blue, I don’t answer, and usually we don’t end up talking.
…I forgot where exactly I was going with this, but something about lining the call up beforehand
Yeah, at this point, it’s polite to arrange a call, especially if it’s probably more than a minute or two. And as you’ve noted, it’s also more successful than a cold call.
For me an email is when I don’t need a quick response. A text is when I want a faster response but I don’t want to interrupt what the other person is doing. A call is when I want a quick response and I think it’s worth interrupting the person.
I very rarely call.
I think context makes a difference on whether a call is welcome or not, appropriate or not.
If the email asks me to write out a bunch of info I know off the top of my head, just call me. Don’t make me write out something that I can just tell you much faster.
If you’re asking something that kicks off a conversation going back and forth like if you need help walking through something, sending emails back and forth is annoying and dumb. Knocking it out in one call is faster and easier than exchanging 15 emails.
On the other hand, if you don’t need an answer right away, if you need documents or images or if you need to communicate about something that requires a record of the communication, email is better.
I have been annoyed equally by getting calls and emails when people use them for things when they aren’t ideal.
I can see both points. In my experience, people misuse calls more often, since a work-related call would often require a follow-up email anyway, but that’s more anecdotal evidence
For me it would help if there would be an option for me to see the at least the reason why the call is being made and also an estimated time of the call.
And with work related calls, it kind of makes me insecure to not know the topic beforehand. I don’t want to blob out some half information. Write it in email, I’ll see for it and get back to you.
For me it would help if there would be an option for me to see the at least the reason why the call is being made and also an estimated time of the call.
There is: the person calling can first send a short text asking if they can call you to talk about ________.
I was more thinking about as something that should be baked into the “phone app” from my point of view. So when the phone rings, I’m seeing who calls, why is he calling and what amount of time would he need. If I’m missing the call, I would also see these info in the recent calls.
Generally I get work emails to tell me things and work phone calls to ask me things. One twenty minute conference call could equate to about 800 emails going back and forth. (Also, some of our best staff don’t read and write (English) too well.
I greatly prefer messaging, but sometimes I call because it’ll take me 5 minutes to talk on the phone and 25 minutes to get it all hashed out through texts.
Phone etiquette for the 2020s:
Message:
Hi, I wanted to talk about X. I think it’ll take about 5-10 minutes. When would be a convenient time to call?
Phone calls themselves don’t annoy me. People who expect to call you at any time and then get upset you won’t drop what you’re doing to speak to them annoy me.
This makes me irrationally angry because whenever I hear this, putting the time it took to ask would have been enough time to just type up a few sentences in an email that would explain everything everyone needed to know and then we’ve also got it in an easily searchable format so we can reference it later if needed.
I may be a little bitter.
I think it depends. If it’s a quick thing that requires no clarification, email or text all the way. But if you need to tease out fine details, a phone call is much faster and easier.
Calling is faster
Faster for the one who is calling, at the expense of the receiving person
Idk, it’s usually faster for both, no?
You can just answer your friend and say hello. lol
I have interpreted this post to mean a work-related call, since you wouldn’t mistake call from a friend for a spam call (it wouldn’t be an unknown number, for one). Otherwise, yes, it would be weird to replace calls from people that are close to you with emails.
Work calls, though, could be replaced with written communication in 80-90% of the cases, and it would also make it easier to follow-up and continue the discussion across multiple days, if needed
Ok, that’s totally fair. I would absolutely hate to get a work call from an unknown number. Tha didn’t even cross my mind!
I was interpreting it as simply hearing your phone ring and thinking it could be a spam caller (I really need to set up custom ringtones at some point)
Sure, just need to pull out my earbud if it wasn’t already in, push my welder out of the way, make my way out of the shop and into the yard where there isn’t constant grinder or saw noise, probably find a sheltered spot because it’s fuckin wimdy, and all before the call goes to voicemail because if I answer on my way towards the door I’ll get complaints about how it’s loud and they can’t hear me over the background noise.
Then just don’t answer? Why is it so hard for people to understand that just because I call doesn’t mean you need to answer. You’re busy and will respond later, that’s what voicemail is for.
It’s like getting a very long notification for a message. You can either reply now (by answering and talking) or reply later by just ignoring the call and responding in whichever manner you prefer later.
I don’t understand why people think a call has to be answered.
Then just don’t answer?
With the people who tend to call out of the blue, not answering tends to result in repeated calls, and then when I finally have a chance to call back, usually it should have just been a text.
If the conversation is best had via an actual call, text me and we’ll schedule a call. We’ll schedule it soon, like “call you in ten minutes” soon, but it’s just easier with a little heads up.
If you are calling me without any kind of notice during working hours, somebody better be in the hospital or morgue; if you’re calling me without any notice outside of working hours, alcohol better be involved
Ah yes, I want to listen to your “uuuhm” and “hold on, little Jon just shit himself”, incoherent, un-premeditated thoughts, with absolutely no proof of the contents of the conversation.
At the end of the phonecall, I’ll probably ask you to send me an email with a summary of what we talked about, because I can’t be bothered to keep all that mess you’ve just unloaded in my memory.
Unless you’re my dad or my mom, you’re sending me a message in a way it’s convenient to you.
My work gave everyone digital desk phones. The calls come through the computer.
I still barely ever get calls, and the Voicemail go to my email.
At my last job they assigned one of those to me and never told me. I had already been there about a year when I discovered it. I had like 500 voicemails. Haha.
I’m so glad that spam calls aren’t a thing where I live yet. SMS spam is a relatively new phenomenon here.
EDIT: I completely skipped over the point of the post. If you’re busy, or you don’t want to be called, can’t you just decline the call?
I remember a very rude university lecturer called me once when I was in Tesco. He told me to turn off the Tesco self checkout because of background noise. I was in the middle of buying my groceries. Wut.
Something would get turned off really quick.
I think his wife did. He radiated big “divorced man” energy
I was talking about the phone lmao.
He also called me a “fucking asshole” as well which wasn’t very pleasant. Basically he made an appointment for me to come to see him, notification of it was sent in the post as a footnote of a larger letter which didn’t arrive until 2 days after.
If I’m calling it’s an emergency or extremely time sensitive. Otherwise I text. I can understand when you don’t want app or even text notifications. But understand and accept the risk that comes with it.
What pisses me right the fuck off is when I call, then call again, then text, then text again, and you, “mr/mrs im so important I can’t be bothered by notifications” are somehow offended at me because you missed out on something because you didn’t bother properly configuring two calls in a row from a known contact through your deny-by-default filter.
Those people, family or not, can fuck right off.
I don’t like telemarketing or spam calls. But I also take responsibility and check if it’s actually important. It’s nbd to me to hang up on a spam call. And to be honest I have gotten a fair share of legitimate calls from numbers I don’t recognize.
TL;DL Answer ya damn phone, you damn well know tiktok and insta still gonna be there 5 seconds from now
I can tell by this comment why people don’t answer when you call them.
As I have stated I only call if it’s an emergency (I’m in an accident, im in danger, someone else is hurt) or it’s time sensitive (someone has face value Taylor Swift tickets at work, want me to get them for you?) I almost always text first, wait 5 min then try calling, I’m not a monster.
I find it pretty self important of people to cut off last resort real time communication with close friends and family because you think 2 minutes of your day is that much more important.
You can configure unknown numbers to go to voicemail. Heck you can make it so that only a certain subset of people ring.
Shame on you for blocking everyone instead of learning how to filter communication, and double shame on you if you get mad when you missed something that someone was trying every possible method to get a hold of you.
as another commenter said, imagine if when you wanted to talk to someone you begin banging aggressively on their desk screaming “TALK TO ME TALK TO ME”. thats what letting calls control your attention does
so you can message first thanks :3
Dear Sir / Madame I am writing to inform you of a fire at 123 Carrington Road. Looking forward to meeting you. Yours Truly Morris Moss
why are you contacting me instead of the fire department
Oh, so if there’s a fire in the building I should quietly slip a note under your door and assume you got it?
If I didn’t hear the fire alarm, I certainly won’t hear your call.
you have the concept of a phone down but not a fire alarm
So you admit that I’m the one with the correct concept of a phone?
Also the fire alarm battery was dead, and the entire thing was an analogy anyway.
Either way out of courtesy, I will retire from this battle of wits; it appears you’ve come unarmed.
there are very few situations that require me to use my voice over the phone. the fact you had to tack on that all of the fire alarms in my house were dead to your little hypothetical shows that its a silly concept to begin with
i only pick up for family, because they know i only pick up for emergencies (havent gotten a unannounced call in years). and for my job while i am ln the clock, expected to be available
How often does a fire break out next to you? You make it sound like it’s a daily occurrence.
here we go, socially awkward redditors moralizing their awkwardness around phones again
It’s called a human conversation, try it some time assholes. I’m sooooo sorry someone speaking to you is inconvenient.
have you considered returning to monke? nah then you’d just whine about fecal baseball being awkward
Why are you so upset?
because it seems like nowdays everyone isolates and pretends their discord relationships are real, and then complains when an actual human being calls them. there’s already no connection between people, no communal spaces, no in-person relationships. it’s so hard to see anyone anymore. and now you all want to shit all over one way to connect more directly?
and how almost every commenter in this space has the same mentality. it’s horrifying. are you all shut-ins? it reveals something dark about the kind of people that post on this site and really undermines other communities.
and seeing people moralizing mental disorders instead of taking responsibility for them. that does real harm to others. anxiety is manageable and treatable. retreating into these closed systems only exacerbates it, and encouraging others to do the same only exacerbates theirs.
Those are some pretty broad, sweeping generalizations. I typically don’t answer calls because 9 times out of 10, its a spam call and I’m just tired of dealing with it. I do have some discord friends who are pretty good ones Ive known for a long time but I also have friends from school, work, ect.
I’m sure plenty of other people in this thread are like that too but I don’t see how exactly this harms you. I think you’re overreacting to this and also projecting a lot of your insecurities about the issue onto others around you. People are going to live their lives, that’s never going to change and worrying about it especially to this extent is a very unhealthy mindset to have .
With this attitude there is no way in hell you should or could be the leading authority on human conversation.
It’s called social anxiety. I’m so sorry someone being anxious is inconvenient to you.
Have you considered not commenting?
oh no you might be uncomfortable!!! that’s so sad. whoever calls you is totally responsible.
anxiety sucks but stop blaming others for it. it’s not their fault you choose to avoid the phone. maybe seek help for learning how to do a very basic human function instead of blaming others for it? or encouraging others to become defunct in a basic human function?
Ok boomer, let’s get you back to bed.
